Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man

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s te ve harvey steve har v ey e r y denene millner

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act like a lady t hink like a man

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this book is dedicated to all women my hope is to empower you with a wide-open look into the minds of men.

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introduction everything you need to know about men and relationships is right here 1 1 themind -se t of aman 1 what drives men 2 3 11 19 our love isn t like your love the three things every man needs support loyalty and the cookie 37 we need to talk and other words that make men run for cover 49 4 2 whymendowh at theydo 5 first things first he wants to sleep with you 61

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6 sports fish vs keepers how men distinguish between the marrying types and the playthings 69 7 mama s boys 8 why men cheat 3 85 95 t h e pl a y bo ok how to winthegame 9 men respect standards get some 10 115 the five questions every woman should ask before she gets in too deep 129 11 the ninety-day rule getting the respect you deserve 147 12 if he s meeting the kids after you decide he s the one it s too late 163 13 strong independent and lonely women 179 14 how to get the ring 193 15 quick answers to the questions you ve always wanted to ask 205 acknowledgments 231 about the author credits cover copyright about the publisher v

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every thing you need to know about men and rel ationships is right here i ve made a living for more than twenty years making people laugh about themselves about each other about family and friends and most certainly about love sex and relationships my humor is always rooted in truth and full of wisdom the kind that comes from living watching learning and knowing i m told my jokes strike chords with people because they can relate to them especially the ones that explore the dynamics of relationships between men and women it never ceases to amaze me how much people talk about relationships think about them read about them ask about them even get in them without a clue how to move them forward for sure if there s anything i ve discovered during my journey here on god s earth it s this a too many women are clueless about men b men get away with a whole lot of stuff in rela-

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tionships because women have never understood how men think and c i ve got some valuable information to change all of that i discovered this when my career transitioned to radio with the steve harvey morning show back when my show was based in los angeles i created a segment called ask steve during which women could call in and ask anything they wanted to about relationships anything at the very least i thought ask steve would lead to some good comedy and at first that s pretty much what it was all about for me getting to the jokes but it didn t take me long to realize that what my listeners mostly women were going through wasn t really a laughing matter they had dozens of categories of needs and concerns in their lives that they were trying to get a handle on dating commitment security family baggage hopes for tomorrow spirituality in-law drama body image aging friendships children work/home balance education you name the topic somebody asked me about it and heading up the list of topics women wanted to talk about was you guessed it men my female listeners really wanted answers answers to how to get out of a relationship what they re putting into it on those ask steve segments and later through the strawberry letters segment i do on the current incarnation of the steve harvey morning show women have made clear that they want an even exchange with men they want their love to be reciprocated in the same way they give it they want

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their romantic lives to be as rewarding as they make them for their potential mates they want the emotions that they turn on full blast to be met with the same intensity and they expect the premium that they put on commitment to be equally adhered to valued and respected the problem for all too many women who call in to my radio show though is that they just can t get that reciprocation from men and women then end up feeling disappointed disenfranchised and disillusioned by their failed relationships when i step back from the jokes and the microphone gets turned off and the lights in the studio go down and i think about what women ask me every morning on my show i get incredibly perplexed perplexed because even though my callers have all presumably had some experience with men whether they are friends boyfriends lovers husband fathers brothers or co-workers these women still genuinely want to know how to get the love they want need and deserve i ve concluded that the truths they seek are never as obvious to them as they are to us men try as they might women just don t get us with this in mind i stopped joking around and got very real with my audience through my answers i started imparting wisdom about men wisdom gathered from working more than half a century on one concept how to be a man i also spent countless hours talking to my friends all of whom are men they are athletes movie and television stars insurance

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brokers and bankers guys who drive trucks guys who coach basketball teams ministers and deacons boy scout leaders store manager ex-cons inmates and yes even hustlers and one simple thing is true about each of us we are very simple people and all basically think in a similar way when i filter my answers through that lens of how men view relationships the women in my audience start to understand why the complexities and nuances they drag into each of their relationships with the opposite sex really serve them no justice i teach them very quickly that expecting a man to respond to them the way a woman would is never going to work they then realize that a clear-eyed knowing approach to dealing with men on their terms on their turf in their way can in turn get women exactly what they want indeed my advice for the folks who called in on the ask steve segment of the steve harvey morning show became so popular that fans women and men started asking me when i was going to write a relationship book something to help the women who genuinely want to be in a solid committed relationship figure out how to get one and help the men ready for those relationships to be recognized for what they can and are willing to bring to the table i have to admit i didn t really see the value of writing a relationship book at first what after all did i have to add to the conversation beyond the answers i give to an audience of millions every morning even bigger than that how could i be taken seriously hell i m not a writer.

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but then i started thinking about the relationships that i ve had in my lifetime talked to some of my male friends and some of my female co-workers and associates and put together a few informal focus groups i considered the impact that relationships have on each of us and especially the impact they ve had on me my father he was married to my mother for sixty-four years my mother was invaluable to him and she was invaluable to me the most influential person in my life equally valuable to me are my wife and my children in fact my girls and my concern for their future inspire me here as well they will all grow up and reach for the same dream most women do the husband some kids a house a happy life true love and i want desperately for my children to avoid being misguided and misled by the games men have created just to perpetrate the greed and selfishness we tend to show the world until we become the men god wants us to be i know because of my mother my wife my daughters and the millions of women who listen to my show every morning that women need a voice someone to help get them through and decipher the muck so they can get what they re truly after i figured i could be that guy to wave across the fence and say i m going to tell you the secrets the real deal about men the things we wish you knew about us but that we really don t want you to know lest we lose the game in essence act like a lady think like a man is a playbook of sorts you remember how a few years back the new england patriots got accused of one of the biggest cheating scan-

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dals in nfl history nfl investigators found out that the team had been secretly videotaping practices and reading mouths to figure out the plays of their opposing teams a practice that gave them a distinct advantage over their rivals for sure the patriots dirty ways were almost as advantageous to the new england team as if they were reading the opposition s playbook with the advantage the patriots were able to win games this is what i wish for the women who read act like a lady think like a man i want every woman who truly wants a solid relationship but just can t figure out how to get one and those who are already in a relationship and trying to figure out how to make it better to forget everything she s ever been taught about men erase the myths the heresy everything your mother told you everything your girlfriends told you all the advice you ve read in magazines and seen on television and find out here in these pages who men really are what men count on is that you ll continue to get your advice from other women who do not know our tactics or our mind-set act like a lady think like a man is going to change this for you if you re dating and you want to find out how to take it to another level this book is for you if you re in a committed relationship and you want to get the ring this book is for you if you re married and you want to regain control and strengthen your bond or if you re tired of being played with then i want you to use this book as a tool to take each of the principles rules and tips in this no-nonsense guide and use them to anticipate a man s game plan and to counter with an offense and defense

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that s unstoppable because trust me the playbook you all have been using is outdated and the plays don t work in fact the biggest play you have in your arsenal the one where you walk into a relationship thinking you re going to change your man is the worst and most doomed play of them all why because no matter what other women are shouting from the covers of magazines on the television talk shows during your girlfriend getaway bonding trips and on blogs from here to timbuktu there are basic things in men that are never going to change no matter how good you are to a man no matter how good you are for him until you understand what his makeup is what drives him what motivates him and how he loves you will be vulnerable to his deception and the games he plays but with this book you can get into a man s mind-set and understand him better so that you can put into play your plans your dreams and your desires and best of all you can figure out if he s planning to be with you or just playing with you so act like a lady and think like a man.

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part one ind-set the m f a man o

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