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free there s life in the inner west 202 7th december 2012 every fortnight splish splash our premier pools win movie tix liberal arts love is all you need love story rozelle s new gem local jewellery lovers rejoice is taking over the inner west distributed in leichhardt annandale petersham stanmore newtown rozelle balmain drummoyne haberfield five dock concord summer hill facebook fakery how cynical businesses are ruining social media christmas in the inner west fr e e toothbrush fre e 2 hour parking at the italian forum with any purchase yuletide tips love one another recycle your tree our lovely christmas lumberjack is vanessa vasta photo by ben cregan tion th is ad with any pu rc hase ­ just m en per customer while stock lasts leichhardt store only one your local store 6-8 norton street leichhardt open mon-fri 8am-8pm sat-sun 9am-6pm ph 9560 7008 auburn 9649 7900 belrose 9986 3331 blacktown 9622 1937 burwood 9745 6375 campsie 9789 9000 carlingford 9871 4522 caringbah 9525 0309 engadine 9520 8838 griffith 6964 7322 five dock 9713 4729 glebe 9660 6919 marrickville 9560 2488 merryland 9897 1011 neutral bay 9953 0609 revesby 9773 8510 riverstone 9627 1516 riverwood 9153 7347 toukley 4396 4137 cc18346_ciao

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inner west whispers local gossip rumour hearsay and unsubstantiated fact latte leftie we are c!ao advertising sonya madden sonya@ciaomagazine.com.au satire for the soul it s that time of the year again when progressive inner westies are forced into contact with mainstream australia thankfully latte leftie has some tips on how to cope with the ordeal dear ll ­ every year my parents insist we trek out to the cultural wasteland that is south-west sydney to have christmas lunch at my grandmother s house thankfully she s now senile and largely incoherent but to my horror my uncles and aunties insist on parroting whatever reactionary nonsense they ve latterly picked up from the daily terror or ray hadley whenever the talk turns to politics i fear they will all be in fine form this year over gillard s embrace of the pacific solution and awu-related memory lapses as well as her totally unfunded disability and education reforms how do i make these erstwhile howard battlers turned willing conscripts in abbott s army see the error of their ways melissa stanmore ll replies i think all inner westies feel your pain melissa for some reason i m no longer invited to family events but i still sigh at the memory of trying to explain to the more proletarian branches of my family tree that instead of bleating about the price of petrol they should be out in the streets demanding the liberation of tibet when trying to explain anything to the common man i ve found it s important to adopt an attitude of smug contempt and act as if you re talking to a special-needs child one can always bank on the venality of the aspirational classes so make sure to explain in simple words that while the conservatives may pander to your relatives wishes to have queue-jumping reffos drowned on sight and the death penalty brought back for any offence more serious than jay-walking they ll also merrily slash their wages seriously curtailing their ability to purchase pandora bracelets cold chisel concert tickets and two and a half men box sets n email your dilemma to info@ciaomagazine.com.au csi concord dogs in protest against light rail tigers dust-up gets nasty l local councils have really stepped things up in the war against illegal dumping recently with one stray couch abandoned on burwood rd concord found wrapped in yellow crime scene tape reading illegal dumping investigation some might say they are taking the issue a little too seriously nevertheless tossers out there beware council is coming for you l dogs are not public transport users but did you know they were mounting a campaign against the light rail anonymous signs down by cafe bones on hawthorne canal indicate that park users dogs are less than happy with a station there here s a tip as the light rail trams roll past bark incessantly loudly and often and cc the leichhardt councillor whose email address appears on the protest signs l haberfield maccas first month in business has gone smoothly with proprietors being careful not to put a foot wrong not only have they hired a security guard to keep things in order,they are also being very generous with their sundae sauce servings hmm we wonder if locals accept chocolate sauce bribes l raid on wednesday december 4th stiletto s was locked down as part of a drug and money laundering investigation code named polaris it s unclear how our randy residents are coping with being locked out of heaven but some were spotted still trying to enter the building even during the raid others sped off so quickly it was like the formula one came to camperdown l takeover in haberfield which popular restaurant is set to ring in the new year with new owners l tigers conspiracy theories less commented on are some of the opponents of the rozelle developments very obvious commercial conflicts of interest both sides of the bitter war remain confident of victory leane senzamici leane@ciaomagazine.com.au newtown food melissa leong info@ciaomagazine.com.au winsor dobbin www.winsordobbin.com.au wine · mayoral speech · appearance by streets paddle pop lion · flippa ball · free face painting · children s swimming races · life saving demonstrations · yoga demonstrations for adults kids prizes to be won · named after swimming legend and long-time balmain resident dawn fraser baths are the oldest surviving tidal-baths and swimming club in australia complete with a resident stingray the locals affectionately refer to as `stinger home to the balmain water polo club this is where the first game of water polo in australia was played around 1888 and it is still host to international water polo games today built in the early 1880s the baths are a heritage-listed little piece of history preserved for future generations enjoyment n dawn fraser baths are open every day this summer 6:45am no diving 7:00pm closed christmas day check them out yourselves c!ao history design eleanor wales info@ciaomagazine.com.au russell edwards russell@ciaomagazine.com.au art direction editorial nancy merlo info@ciaomagazine.com.au elkington park fitzroy ave balmain · fundraising bbq by the water polo club · music from bands loop de loop and winters end · kiosk open all day baths stay open until 7pm · open day publishing sonia komaravalli sonia@ciaomagazine.com.au contributors russell edwards ben cregan nigel bowen and michele freeman sunday 9 december 2012 free entry between 10am 3pm this is a leichhardt council free event things we love john and his real live christmas trees john from merlino christmas trees www.merlinoschristmastrees.com.au has been in business in wareemba for 43 years located at 260 great north rd this family run business brings in freshly cut monterey pine christmas trees from their oberon farms from early december up until christmas eve what does john do for the rest of the year you ask makes toffee apples of course ciao c!ao s voice · eating out on concord s main strip · stopping by sulfaro to pick up lunch before work only to find the shelves empty · getting started on your · `invisible bra straps that christmas shopping aren t actually invisible · hand-held crepes from · trashy dresses at the races dough box enmore · adopting a pet for christmas · phones ringing in the cinema · people who don t clean up · the soft-shell crab after their pets in public entrée from bau truong marrickville · embarrassing yourself at the office christmas party · getting a 50 per cent discount on your licence fee · people riding bikes down enmore rd without helmets for a good driving record ciao loves you and our photographers only supply photos for publication with consent we try and make you look your best no responsibility is accepted by ciao magazine for the accuracy of advertisements or information we welcome unsolicited editorial and pictorial contributions the opinions expressed in ciao magazine are those of contributors indemnifying the publisher from inaccuracy or consequences arising from its reproduction © all rights reserved no material is to be reproduced without written permission of the publisher ciao magazine is a free publication distribution advertising editorial enquiries 460a parramatta road petersham 2049 info@ciaomagazine.com.au 02 9518 3696 0402 202 951 ­ sonya 0405 032 032 ­ leane 0405 509 805 ­ sonia what s in out out in ciao is locally owned and produced please recycle printed by spot press marrickville subscribe tired of missing out on your copy of ciao why not subscribe it costs just $75 per year to have ciao home delivered to your doorstep email info@ciaomagazine.com.au with your address cover model vanessa vasta from family run cicciolina restuarant in newtown took her axe down to merlino s christmas trees in wareemba last week to find her very own live christmas tree photo by ben cregan looking for a unique gift from art to hats jewellery bags and more 60 off shoes for christmas 4 rawson ave drummoyne opp the school near roundabout on thompson st gallery hours tues frid 10-4 sat 10-2 ph 9181 5263 www.aashiya.com.au 2 c!ao magazine there s life in the inner west!

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renovating visit us today or buy online showrooms open 7 days phoenix `vivid conical shower rose arm mirrored shaving cabinets 3 300mm only $144 4 450mm only $144 600mm only $152 7 750mm only $165 9 900mm only $180 1 1200mm only $220 polyurethane cabinets vizzini undermount kitchen sink 384 x 444 x 210mm sale price avalon vanity on legs 600mm only $361 750mm only $389 900mm only $417 1200mm only $658 polyurethane cabinet with ceramic top also available kickboard or wall hung rrp $149 now only 3 star wels rating 8 l/per min 85 save 198 $64 metro wall hung vanities with hidden handles vizzini square shower screen 1 10mm toughened glass 900mm x 900mm door av available with knob or bar handle rrp $1040 now only methven satinjet shower rail 10 year warranty vizzini momento fixed over bath screen c change your ugly shower curtains now sh 10 10mm toughened glass 70 700mm wide x 1450 high rrp $699 now only 740 save polyurethane cabinet with ceramic top 600mm only $415 750mm only $435 900mm only $495 1200mm only $699 also available on legs or kickboard rrp $405 now only $300 manhattan toilet suite close coupled full ceramic soft close seat rrp $400 now only 199 230 save $469 designer floor waste vizzini lucio wall faced toilet suite toi easy clean ceramic quick release soft close seat geberit flush system rrp $695 now only bermuda mk iii toilet wall faced toilet suite easy clean ceramic quick release soft close seat geberit flush system 300 save $100 adp sante fe 1 wall hung vanity unit australian made with german hardware 900 x 475 x 400mm cabinet available in 4 different colours rrp $696 now only 395 also available in 1500mm designer floor waste smart tile 100mm only rrp $89 rrp $795 now only 525 now only 49.90 save $39 vizzini `phoenician free standing bath roma bath set alisha ii basin mixer 5 year warranty australian standard 5 star water rating 1730 x 790 x 730mm rrp $1599 now only modern bath tap set suitable for any bathroom rrp $150 now only 580 1090 64 save $86 rrp $380 now only save $509 159 74-76 pyrmont bridge rd 200m from parramatta rd 9 barney street off church street camperdown/glebe north parramatta 1 300 go bo ys 1300 462 697 a t li best b d australia s b t brands www.renovationboys.com.au

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community life r oad test rant facebook buzzkill zuckerberg has a lot to answer for not least providing a forum for earnest do-gooders to indulge in faux activism my facebook newsfeed is littered with images of suffering a uniformed soldier cradling his child at an airport a young girl who has lost her hair from cancer treatment a bloodied newborn with his heart on the outside of his body a chained dog who has been mutilated by his owners a bruised woman who has been beaten by her husband the images always involve visual distress and come accompanied with a caption in the vein of 1 like 1 prayer 1 like 1 respect ignore you don t care gratuitous images like these exist in my newsfeed because people or organisations post them with the sole ambition of increasing their online popularity the image poster is exploiting the pain of the image s subjects to improve their own social media presence your online interaction with the image serves as an endorsement of that exploitation what makes this kind of blatant grab for likes even more ugly is its guise as a gesture of goodwill and concern for the image s sufferer these images are not about raising awareness if they were intended for that purpose specifics like name time and place would be given they re not so we aren t to know which person the pick of inner west pools while we don t have much in the way of sandy beaches in the inner west we do have some truly spectacular public swimming pools but which ones are the best we plunge into the deep end to find out as sweltering summer heat descends on the inner west locals begin to scramble to the nearest watering hole ­ and no we don t mean the nearest pub though a cold beer would go down a treat right about now so where is the best pool know it from the original brick exterior there are now new tiled floors and showers inside entry $6.30 2.5/5 annette kellerman aquatic centre only two years old akac is one of our best swimming facilities named after a pioneer in synchronised swimming kellerman would be impressed with this nice clean pool which uses a high-tech cleaning and filtration system across its indoor outdoor and hydrotherapy pools there are plenty of swimming programs on offer and it can get pretty crowded in peak times similarly to lpac kellerman is a great place for fitness with child minding services available the cafe is uber cool too which you ll appreciate once you ve worked up an appetite in the pool overall great design and good location there are even bicycle rails for our ever growing bikie community entry $6.50 4.5/5 leichhardt park aquatic centre lpac is home to a number of pools the main being the 50m outdoor `olympic fresh water pool however there are also diving indoor and hydrotherapy pools plus the famous `mushroom pool the best time to stop in is between 8.30am and 3pm to avoid early risers and after-school swim squads the pool is council operated and seems to run better than many others it s always open on time and there are always lanes available for lap swimmers water temperature is also consistent with the olympic pool kept at a mild 27°c ­ nice in winter but still refreshing in summer definitely worth a summer time visit watching wannabe and some skilled divers leap from the diving board is a nice bit of built-in entertainment entry $7 4/5 drummoyne pool swimming at drummoyne looking good at lpac of my year 7 swimming carnival back then the best part of the pool was the hot chips from the kiosk and they re still pretty damn good there are no hipster or hotties here ashfield is relaxed and mostly overrun with mums and bubs there are three outdoor pools one of which was totally empty when i visited the main pool has slow medium and fast swimming lanes plus two walking recreational lanes in 2004 the indoor part of the facility was opened and houses a shallow kiddie pool and another bigger pool the shower facilities were also recently upgraded though you wouldn t is special because you get the sea breeze and water views while you freestyle their 50m salt-water pool however while there s no denying it s nice to be surrounded by our natural inner west wonders the sunny pool can get quite hot in summer which is why some prefer the indoor option nevertheless drummoyne has a strong community fitness vibe and this pool is popular as ever with many swim programs on offer ­ some might say too many leaving little space for casual swimmers to stop by see their website for lane availability and closures entry $5.60 3/5 all prices are casual adult entry prices vary for students families children etc n words nm photo ben cregan ashfield forget watching boats sail by while you have a dip this is the only pool where you can watch trains passing by ashfield pool has a vintage industrial feel that brings back memories displaying your hard-wired capacity for empathy without direction or application by `liking these kinds of images is emotional pornography disease or war is accountable it s even possible that these images have been gleaned from old sources and are five even ten years old of course this is irrelevant your gut response and consequent `prayer or `respect apparently represented by the clicking of a button is all that really matters gut responses to images of people or animals in pain are just that humans feel empathy by instinct displaying your hard-wired capacity for empathy without direction or application by liking commenting on and sharing these kinds of images is emotional pornography it doesn t make a skerrick of difference for the subjects featured what it achieves is a cheap and nasty boost in activity for the poster of the image and a deluded sense of do-goodery for the person interacting with that image for sincerity s sake when you re confronted with an image in your newsfeed that tugs your heartstrings and urges for your all-powerful like ­ restrain yourself instead take your `1 prayer and `1 respect and next time you see a vendor spruiking the big issue stop have a chat and buy a copy donate some money or volunteer your time to legacy the cancer council rspca doctors without borders unicef ­ whatever floats your charitable boat but please do the facebook world a favour and take a stand against false advocacy and self-interested faux activism dawn fraser baths open day starting off the summer season on a high note leichhardt council is celebrating the arrival of the warmer weather with an open day at the historic dawn fraser baths on sunday 9th december the whole family is sure to enjoy a day out at dawn fraser baths with plenty of activities for young and old both in and out of the water there will be free face painting and swimming races for the kids with some great prizes to be won plus games of flippa ball and life saving and yoga demonstrations for everyone to learn from the streets paddle pop lion will also be returning this year and giving away some special treats while loop de loop and brother and sister combo winters end will provide some musical entertainment for the crowd the balmain water polo club will be hosting a fundraising bbq and having water polo displays throughout the day ­ for free entry get to the baths between 10am and 3pm n dawn fraser baths elkington park balmain what s on compiled by nancy merlo email info@ciaomagazine.com.au every saturday ne.com.au info@ciaomagazi attn nancy free community events listings are n words rachel hayter tuesday 11th december high tea at knowledge bites café join other local tea enthusiasts at the knowledge bites café in concord library for a high tea celebration every saturday afternoon in december and enjoy a wide range of tea infusions cakes scones and savoury canapés plus an author talk local author hannah tunnicliffe opened the event on december 1st speaking about her book the colour of tea and the following dates are sure to feature plenty more interesting local artists the next tea is on saturday 15th december at 12pm and 2pm tickets are $25 n call taryn on 0403 405 418 to book 4 nadia piave brings music to the forum sunday 9th december the blue gem concert the blue gem concert is the christmas concert for music lovers featuring everything from medieval to modern mozart to manush the mediterranean to the middle east ­ and they all meet here in the inner west from 6pm to 10pm the concert is divided into two halves astronomy a journey through space narrated by astronomer simon o toole from 6-8pm and gastronomy a jazzy and tasty musical rendition of the food we love to eat at christmas time served up by nadia piave from 8.15pm to 10pm this is a charity event supporting the salvation army safe house with a suggested donation of $20 for more info email nadiapiave@bigpond.com n where italian cultural centre the forum 23 norton st leichhardt tuesday line dancing a new local line-dance crew has hit town this month and will be holding line-dancing lessons every tuesday at 10am at the leichhardt bowling club the first lesson is free for everyone so get your bootscootin shoes on and give it a go ­ beginners are welcome currently the lessons are on trial at the club but if there s plenty of interest they will continue into next year for more information contact julie talbot www.julietalbot.com n where leichhardt bowling club 88-92 piper st leichhardt from friday 14th december peta not peter pan pantomime come and check out this wacky bellydance pantomime that puts an unexpected spin on the familiar story of peter pan in this version of the story when peta pan and tinkerbell peer into wendy s window and see her a fleshy fairy tale belly dancing they are entranced much to tinkerbell s annoyance peta then persuades wendy to come to neverland and teach them how to dance too in neverland wendy

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n local gigs wednesday 12th december n local movies ivy league christmas party ­ the mess hall the rubens lanie lane alpine sures toby martin catcall deep sea arcade djs it s a couple of weeks before christmas but i can personally guarantee that this will be the best christmas party you go to this year no wait i can t actually do that since the booze isn t free but it will be pretty good i promise n annandale hotel $20 saturday 15th december free c d u le tiwinkoebts movies passes that s amore jordie lane go to this go go go jordie lane is charismatic talented and attractive what more could love is all you need two gooey little hearts pierce brosnan is clearly enjoying his post-bond career he no longer needs a license to kill the ladies still fall at his feet the most dangerous action he faces in susanne bier s assured romantic drama is a bingle in a car park followed by a grumpy exchange of details the other driver is ida trine dyrholm who happens to be the mother of the girl his son is about to marry at his seaside sorrento villa naturally they travel to italy together for the big family shindig and well yes you know this bit academy award winner bier in a better world has dealt with some pretty weighty social issues before in her often edgy family melodramas but here delivers a lighter touch it s a charming heartfelt tale and dryholm is a winner as the vivacious breast cancer survivor there are the usual misunderstandings accidents pre-ceremony jitters and of course relatives behaving badly ­ including ida s philandering dolt of a husband but in the end the title says it all ­ and this is a nourishing and lovely film m15 at palace norton st and dendy newtown from dec 13 n thanks to madman entertainment we have 10 double in-season passes to give away details below liberal arts you want i wrote about this guy in october when he was playing support for another act but this night is his solo show and holy christmas bells it s going to be good n notes live enmore $17.85 $42.35 including eats thursday 20th december best of the rest bang ­ the laurels melody nelson day ravies a little prechristmas garage goodness at the annandale day ravies have been wooing the live scene in sydney and melbourne all this year and the laurels you probably remember from all the time ever music mags seem to think that they re the best thing since sliced rye i tend to agree n annandale hotel free!28th n claire albrecht josh radnor who stars as jesse in his own droll and very smart rumination on life and love after turning 30 made a very wise choice in his co-star that s elizabeth olson martha marcy may marlene who plays zibby the much younger student he falls for after a trip back to his old college olsen brings just the right amount of warmth defiance and vulnerability to the role she s just fabulous as the 19 year-old liberal arts student with a penchant for vampire novels the film hits some dark notes though quite hilariously so especially when jessie disastrously beds of one of his ex-teachers a bitter cynical professor of romantic literature who he had himself earlier worshipped as a naive younger student you didn t think we were going to cuddle while i read you wordsworth she sneers as she throws him out of bed put some armour around that gooey little heart which pretty much sums up radnor s point this is a strong literate and very funny film with some great preformances anyone who studied arts at uni and therefore made themselves unemployable will find much to enjoy ctc at dendy newtown from dec 13 n thanks to icon films we have 10 double in-season passes to give away details below pitch perfect ascendant aussie star rebel wilson is good enough reason to see jason moore s girl-bonding bf-getting romp about rival a cappella groups battling for campus supremacy there are two projectile vomits huge volumes of bodily fluids now being compulsory in chick-flicks but the rest at least is sparkling good fun wilson s character is called fat amy and is written around the idea of empowering obese people two-bob-each-way though we also very questionably are asked to laugh at her expense m15 at from dec 6 n ciao s favourite it s not over till win tix love story we featured nz/german florian habicht s prankish and totally seductive romantic drama last issue and our online readers have already won some of our double in-season passes but we ve kept some for our print readers ­ just be quick easily a contender for the best and most original comedy in 2012 and definitely our favourite ­ habict s impromptu romance with a beautiful russian girl he s spied carrying a cake onto the subway is actually scripted by the reallife new yorkers he asks for advice on the streets naturally they give him and us plenty of surprises and subversive fun too this is clever stuff m15 at dendy newtown on now n thanks to sharmill films we have 5 more double in-season passes to give away details below a christmas conundrum ho ho ho it s that time of year again and the leichhardt espresso chorus is inviting everyone to come along and help them solve this year s christmas mystery presenting an intimate concert with a quirky twist and plenty of christmas spirit the 90 voices of the espresso chorus will be joined on sunday 16th december by their orchestra children s choir and a diverse and dazzling array of soloists as they seek through sonnet verse and voice to solve this year s christmas conundrum kicking off from 3pm james valentine will mc the event featuring international soloist marie angel and musician lindsay farris under the artistic direction of michelle leonard available at www espressochorus.com.au tickets are $20 or $15 for concession and $10 for kids also in preparation for carols on norton leichhardt espresso chorus is reminding all locals to get their lanterns ready for the dusk lantern parade held annually just before the carols commence n where italian cultural centre inside the forum norton st leichhardt monday 17th december was it the professor plum in the drawing room with a candlestick meets mermaids and the lost girls and is drawn into the ongoing battle between peta and the infamous captain hookah don t miss this show playing at the sidetrack theatre december 14th 7pm 16th 4.30pm 21st 7pm and 22nd 2.30pm tickets are $15 n for bookings or more info go to bellydancepantos.com fri 14th sat 15th december and food the markets are on from 4pm to 8pm on saturday 15th december with live music to keep you entertained while you shop all proceeds from the event go to tear australia to fight poverty n more info at www.summerhillchurch org.au sunday 16th december carols in the park the annual carols in halliday park will go ahead from 7.30pm this year with food being served from 6pm to get you fuelled up for a evening of singing and dancing get in the christmas spirit and join the five dock community in celebrating santa s arrival how will he arrive this year you ll just have to go along and find out this is an alcoholfree event presented by communities for communities in conjunction with the city of canada bay n where mcgrath ave five dock christmas in summer hill there s plenty happening in summer hill in the lead up to christmas with the summer hill church holding its annual carols event on friday 14th december there will be a bbq and kids activities from 6.30pm on the night and carols starting at 7.30pm so bring your own picnic blanket and join in celebrating the christmas season the twilight markets will also be held at summer hill church selling everything from handmade to fair trade gifts pre-loved items pbc christmas party this year s annual petersham bowling club community christmas party kicks off at 2pm sunday 16th of december and goes till late come along and help the not for profit club celebrate the christmas season with entertainment including djs the bad brew blues `n boogie band a jumping castle and face painting for the kids and a game of lawn bowls from the adults this all ages event is bursting with free entertainment so don t miss out santa arrives at 4pm n where 77 brighton st petersham www.thepbc.org.au win double movie passes we have such fabulously romantic movies this issue to be in the running to win a double in-season movie pass to liberal arts love is all you need and/or love story just only at the movies dec 13 email info@ciaomagazine.com.au telling us where you picked up your copy of ciao include your name and address you can only at the movies dec 13 enter them all in a single email but if you do give us an order of preference a very merry christmas to all our regular entrants community glamour at its best 5

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n feature myths lies and real estate stanmore as the designated driver for a friend s recent rental home hunt i not only had to navigate narrow one-way congested inner city streets often within 15 minutes to make it between carefully crafted competing viewing times but i was also privy to some very interesting sydney real estate annandale s s 6 neat flat conveniently located it was difficult to find this property courtesy of the fact that it had no front door we had to instead enter through the back car park of a shop that faced parramatta rd if the rubbish and built-up grime surrounding the doorway weren t enough of a turn off then the spray-painted lounge room walls and randomly strewn belongings of a squatter certainly were you don t want to do territorial battle for a space that has clearly been claimed for free just so you can enjoy the privilege of paying hundreds of dollars for it my friend is a single woman on a low income she works in food service so she would need to find a place to rent for under $230 to avoid housing stress as defined by the national housing strategy calculated as paying more than 30 per cent of your income for housing however given she was not yet prepared to live in a boarding house with a share bathroom she was willing to spend around $300 a week placing her in the `categorically crazy range of forking out 50 per cent of her weekly income on rent you would think that by making this major income sacrifice she could really step up in the rental world but think again ­ because these are some of the places in her price range price $270 a week leichhardt one bedroom unit separate kitchen close to shops it is true that this property was close to the shops but the most surprisingly accurate part of the description was that the kitchen was indeed separate so separate in fact that it was not connected to any other part of the flat but nor was the bedroom or the toilet for that matter allow me to explain firstly we were shown to a door that opened up to a four-walled room just large enough for a bed this is the bedroom we were all told before being led back outside around a corner to a set of stairs descending ominously below down there is the kitchen we were further informed we dutifully descended single file down to a basement bunker style kitchen with no windows and a ceiling just high enough so that the average height person would not have to bend down to fit for the taller than average not so lucky but where is the bathroom someone thoughtfully enquired as if this would somehow make a difference to the fact that we had just been shown a flat where one could cook in a dark room with no ventilation before having to physically leave the building to get back to their prison cell bedroom in response we were lead even further afield across a common courtyard and laundry area to be shown the illustrious loo turns out finding the bathroom didn t make a difference and we all left without stopping to collect an application form unique one bedroom flat close to shops two levels large balcony close to the shops turned out to be somewhat of an understatement given the property was in fact the back end of some shops but `unique certainly was on the money as you stepped inside this place there was a freestanding sink and bench to the right but any other identifiable kitchen items say an oven or cupboard where nowhere in sight however within arms reach of this kitchen sink and bench was a toilet meaning theoretically dinner would never be in danger of burning should you find yourself on the loo longer than expected and while the property was indeed two levels the top level was not accessed via stairs as convention might dictate but via a ladder unique indeed in the inner west is it possible to rent in the inner west for $300 per week michele freeman goes hunting and discovers what those real estate ads actually mean by cosy this is not a pretty story was coincidently busy in the backyard as we were shown where the shower was ­ yes that s right the shower was in the backyard thankfully this was enclosed by actual walls unlike the tiny allocated space of yard that was enclosed in some kind of chicken wiring which allowed the landlord to keep a keen eye on his tenants if these weren t clues enough as to what kind of landlord you would be sharing the house with then the fact that the agent flatly and resolutely refused to even ask the man if he would rent the house without some of the decrepit furniture certainly was meaning the only way anyone could rent this place was if they wantonly abandoned their own beloved belongings in favour of bravely sitting and sleeping on yes the mattress had to remain too furniture that would have been more at home at tempe tip price $330 a week price $290 a week what does $300pw buy i am tempted to end on a note of class-warfare outrage but apparently that has become spectacularly boring these days so instead allow me to finish by way of warning should you soon find yourself scouring rental adverts beware the following terms l newly renovated a fresh coat of white paint has been recently applied l original kitchen kitchen was installed circa 1788 l cosy quarters will be so close that you will be forced to entertain visitors on your bed l neat too tiny to allow for any amount of goods and belongings required to reach state of untidiness l unique run for your life petersham one bedroom flat semi-detached house front garden fully furnished this half house in petersham came with the curious `bonus of being fully furnished with dilapidated faded pastel-hued furniture an outside bathroom and the pleasure of having your landlord reside on the other side of the lounge room wall tellingly however the landlord happened to be busy raking the front garden as we all walked in and then moments later price $320 a week

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salsuli the grand opening salesalsuli 20 grand in the store salemention this ad get theoff anythingopeningfor one week only mention this ad get 20 off anything in the store for one week only stunning unique pieces from bridal to the latest designs limited editions stunning unique pieces from bridal to the latest designs limited editions or stunning unique pieces swarovski to the cubic zirconia or one off pieces featuringfrom bridal crystal,latest designs limited editions one of pieces featuring swarovski crystal cubic zirconia gold gold plating plating more or one off pieces featuring swarovski crystal cubic zirconia gold plating inspired by far away cultures vintage glamour and modern basics inspired by far away cultures vintage glamour and modern basics the australian label salsuli merges beautiful unique fabrics and individually sourced beads label salsuli merges an eclectic mix fabrics and individually the australianand gemstones from beautiful uniqueof international cultures sourced beads and gemstones from an eclectic mix of international cultures salsuli s easy glamour creations are hand finished inspirational styles with aspiration to enhance and capture the feel of vintage and new with minimal effort attention to detail salsuli s easy glamour creations are hand finished inspirational styles with aspiration to is capture the feel of vintage and new with minimal effort attention to detail enhance and paramount giving an individual feel without loosing quality is paramount giving an individual feel without loosing quality 701 darling street rozelle ph 0422 695 333 107 darling street rozelle ph 0422 695 333 trading hours:street rozelle 9.30 695 sat-sun 9.30 -5.00 sat-sun 107 darling 9.30-5.30 mon-fri trading hours 9.30-5.30 mon-fri ph 0422-5.00 333 trading hours 9.30-5.30 mon-fri 9.30 -5.00 sat-sun

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kitchen ingredients 8 gurnard fillets local business with melissa leong have a vino at vinoteca if you re looking for somewhere a little different to go for a good glass of wine and some nibbles look no further than newcomer to marion street vinoteca wine bar run by experienced operators in the hospitality industry the napoli food and wines group this unassuming wine bar comes to life after dark and offers a world of possibilities inside the dark wood interior is rustic welcoming and a little romantic downstairs the wine barrel tables are perfect for couples while the upstairs `sala da pranzo is a dining and function room with a balcony overlooking marion street ­ perfect for christmas parties there s also a beautiful open air courtyard that will soon play host to thursday movie nights it s the food and wine here that s the standout however vinoteca specialises in italian wine and traditional italian style tapas or spizzicheria and they make their own grissini and bread on site the menu is bursting with strong italian flavours and unique dishes one of the most popular being the ciliegine di riso carnaroli which are arancini balls stuffed with flavoursome mushrooms and a gorgonzola-style cheese wednesday nights are a good time to work your way through the menu with the $20 buffet buying you a glass of wine and all you can eat from 6pm though if you need another excuse to check out this sleek new hotspot pop by on sunday 16th december for a special promotional event celebrating the emilia romagna region of italy food will be matched with wine from the region showcasing labels like the superb dry sparkling red concerto made by medici ermete which has been recognised in the gambero rosso italian wine awards for four years running open evenings monday to saturday mention medici ermete and receive a free glass of concerto on your next visit crispy fish fillets serves 4 2 cups of brown rice flour seasoning 2 eggs beaten allspice white pepper smoked paprika onion powder all ground salt flakes method 1 create a spiced flour mix combining a teaspoon each of pepper paprika allspice onion powder and a heaped teaspoon of salt flakes along with the brown rice flour mix until combined and place on a flat tray which you ll use to dredge the fish 2 heat a generous amount of rice bran oil in a large heavy based saucepan ­ enough to shallow fry the fish 3 once the oil is super hot lightly coat each piece of fish in the spiced flour then into the beaten egg mixture and then into the flour again 4 fry each piece of fish until golden on each side around 1-2 minutes per side 5 once each piece of fish is golden on both sides remove and place on kitchen paper to absorb the excess oil 6 serve with hand cut potato chips salad and a wedge of lemon n www.fooderati.blogspot.com put xx xa healthy batter on your fillets while the beach is a little further away from us in the inner west with the first rays of summer starting to shine it s all about channelling coastal cuisine to get into the swing of things nothing says that more than a piece of beautifully cooked fish and with sydney fish markets within striking distance it s happy days the following isn t so much a recipe as a few good tips for cooking fish ­ a kind of compromise between battering and grilling which should keep the family factions satisfied brown rice flour gives the coating an extra crisp texture while the spiced flour mix adds an extra dimension taking it from simple to simply delicious at the markets n fruit mangoes peaches nectarines apricots and berries are looking very nice for the festive season also look out for red currants blueberries and strawberries which are all fantastic quality enjoy the tropical weather with a few exotic tropical fruits such as lychees rambutans starfruit and dragonfruit n vegetables now is the time to get into your greens and enjoy the health benefits the warm weather has powered the growth of broccoli on a massive scale so it s all over the place celery is also in season and iceberg and cos lettuce are good buys this month n tony trim trim s fresh shop 21 marketplace leichhardt take a bite into these berries n 134 marion st leichhardt tel 8021 9210 facebook vinoteca ­ wine bar 8

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sam s secret tips for making the perfect cake l you must start with the freshest and highest quality ingredients that you can get your hands on l when you are preparing the cake imagine the finished product in your mind l then imagine what people are going to say when they taste your cake i call this putting love into the cake it may sound a little silly but it works l merry christmas from sam cavallaro and the team at cavallaro s wine with winsor summer stunners n longview 2012 queenie adelaide hills pinot grigio i really like the vibrancy of this wine which is quite remarkably the first-ever pinot grigio release from the saturno family s immaculately tended adelaide hills vineyard named after the family matriarch who travelled from friuli in northern italy to the adelaide hills in the 1930s and is now 90 years of age the sheer liveliness of this fruitdriven number is the key to its appeal it s a bright flavoursome white lovely and linear that is also food-friendly $19 n eldridge estate 2012 ptg this is eldridge estate s homage to the passetoutgrains of burgundy which are blends of gamay and pinot noir grapes the 2012 edition is an absolute cracker juicy and fruity it s a rollicking buccaneering mornington peninsula red that can easily stand being chilled it is a simple wine with bright raspberry and cheery cherry notes designed for enjoying young $25 n jacob s creek 2012 cool harvest vermentino so you want a crisp refreshing white wine for summer but are worried about the calories or going over .05 say hi to this new release from jacob s creek made from an italian grape variety that is becoming increasingly popular in australia fresh light and lively with just 10.5 per cent alcohol by volume this is one of those rare lower alcohol wines that actually works this has floral characters and crisp refreshing citrus notes on the palate perfect for a picnic or a post-work pick-me-up $15 n www.winsordobbin.com.au filling and our fruit mince tarts are like no other you have tasted before also popular is our large variety of italian biscotti and santa meringues our gingerbread houses covered in lollies are a hit with the young ones while the older enjoy a slice of traditional christmas pudding how will you be spending christmas this year is there anything special on the menu for christmas lunch i will be spending christmas with my beautiful wife bruna and our lovely children adrian christina marcus claudia and isabella also my parents sister brother-in-law and nephew will be joining us special on the menu this year is a sicilian delicacy called melanzana lasagna made by my mother if you could invite anyone over for christmas lunch whom would you invite i would love to invite gordon ramsay have him sit down for christmas lunch with us then listen to his stories about visiting restaurants i m also interested to know how he would rate our christmas lunch and i am sure he would not hold back what s your signature dish cavallaro s does not have a signature dish but we do have a signature torte and that is the `nocciola which has been described by our customers as a big ferrero rocher it s a hazelnut layer cake filled with a milk chocolate mousse with swirls of praline paste through it as well as crisp pearls of chocolate so while you are eating it you get this beautiful crunch of hazelnut delight n interview nancy merlo need a festive sugar hit send in the cavallaro at home with sam cavallaro sam cavallaro is the owner of pasticceria cavallaro in leichhardt and the creator of some of the most delicious cakes in the area sam has been in the cake business since finishing his apprenticeship as a pastry chef in 1981 and even after 31 years he s still just as passionate about the industry as he was when he started out what are the most popular treats at pasticceria cavallaro during the christmas period the most popular products are our delicious `nocciola yule log as well as the fresh `mango yule log also popular are our santa beds made of very moist mud cake akac hamming i ver yone e ething for bics s som · lapsw pool children s · therapy or shydro · seni itness · groupf swim · learnto · aquaero training personal · dhealth yequippe · full ntre ellnessce club&w check out ac.com.au www.ak black st marrickville phone 9565 1906 community glamour at its best 9 out ite to find our webs more annette kellerman aquatic centre

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n your say n news running with the rhinos local businesswoman avril henry gives back to the community through knowledge sharing networking and the odd marathon run with rhinos what secret talent makes you exceptional or are you just mediocre like the rest of us n i can remember the lyrics to every song i ve ever heard however i can t remember by times tables exceptional i think so daniel annandale n my massive intellect mike sydney n my unusually large hands make me exceptional at carrying many things at once does that count as a talent freya newtown n i have scissor toes i can pinch people so hard with my toes that it feels like scissors however it s only a useful self-defence mechanism when i m barefoot joseph ashfield n i can fit my hand in my mouth dylan five dock n i can burp the alphabet it makes for minutes of gross entertainment marina concord n i can see dead people ok that s a lie i just don t want to face my mediocrity michelle stanmore n i can paint knit crochet and make tapestries and i m not even a hipster christine haberfield avril henry has been based in balmain for over 20 years originally from south africa avril forged a career and powerful consultancy business with an emphasis on human resources communication in the workplace conflict resolution leadership and organisational change avril has worked with blue-chip clients such as bhp and optus governments at all levels and smaller local businesses to help strengthen their understanding of people and products we chatted with her to find out about what it means to run a successful business you are a leader in your field what is leadership and what makes a good leader inspiration ­ good leaders inspire the great leaders i know always give something back you should model the behaviour of leaders you respect people like gian swingers ceo of deloitte inspire me he has pioneered micro financing in africa been an advocate for camp quality and influenced thousands of people good leaders and managers respond to change and they also have a lot of charisma can you tell us a bit about your recent work focusing on generational change and how different generations work together every generation is different and they have a lot to contribute the baby boomer generation is very outcome focused they are used to command and control they are workaholics following generations are more inclusive and collaborative and want to work smarter not harder for different generations to work together well each generation should focus on what they are good at what about generation y some consider this generation to be difficult and often refer to them as `generation y bother local news get lost registrations are now open for artists craftspeople designers and galleries to register for next year s leichhardt open studio trail lost which sees participants from leichhardt through to balmain and camperdown open their art studios to the public ­ showing off artworks in progress as well as finished products some of which will be for sale set to take place on march 23rd and 24th don t miss the opportunity to join the fun register at www.leichhardt.nsw.gov.au/lost.html by monday 17th december you don t stop to rest on the savannah generation y are great to work with they have great ideas and are up to date with technology brilliant at social media they have good connections and can access information quickly people should stop having a negative view and see what they can bring to the table look at apple and google they were able to embrace new ideas what can local businesses do to succeed they need to become sustainable they need to look at their product and what they are selling understand profit and cash flow and learn how to motivate their people they must also look at how to get business and also give back to community you recently went on a run in africa tell us about why you did that i did a half marathon to raise money for camp quality it was an experience i was running with giraffes cheetahs zebras and i saw two black rhinos it is always important to give something back n to read more about avril henry visit www.avrilhenry.com.au winners natanya mandel with alex elliot-howery from cornersmith right award winners 2012 winners of marrickville council s 2012 environment business awards were recognised at an awards ceremony last month alfalfa house and reverse garbage were joint winners of the sustainability leadership award and cornersmith café took out both the community partnership award and sustainable innovation award mayor victor macri congratulated businesses for their efforts integrating sustainability into their work saying our local businesses continue to demonstrate that even small actions can make a big difference and that sustainability is good for business leichhardt s pet paradise last issue we came up with the best and most bizarre ways to pamper your pet for christmas this issue we re taking a look at leichhardt s favourite pet groomers petropolis as well as the one-stop-shop for all things pet-related pet depot located in neighbouring buildings at 56 and 58 moore st leichhardt these two local businesses have made inner west pets their number one priority established in 2003 pet depot is independently owned and operated and offers a full range of products suited to local customers without external interference meaning there is no head office remotely ordering products that are simply unsuitable or unpopular with local residents and their pets these guys really know their customers for the health conscious inner west pet owner they provide competitively priced holistic dog and cat food for a healthier pet plus a range of dry and fresh food treats collars toys and beds for cats dogs birds and fish meanwhile over the fence petropolis has been grooming local dogs since 2005 and specialise in individual scissoring of different dog breeds with the best interest of the animals at heart they use hypoallergenic products and don t cage the dogs opting instead to allow their furry clientele to play in large pens before and after grooming the teeming petropolis n pet depot open 10am to 7pm monday to friday and 9am to 5pm weekends pauline coppin with representatives from alfalfa house and reverse garbage more winners marrickville council have been named winners themselves this year bringing home two arts awards from the local government association of nsw arts and cultural awards particular congratulations goes to josephine bennett who was awarded for enduring staff contribution to arts and culture status update our pick of the best when guys hand in resumes at my job i put an attractiveness score down the bottom is it workplace sexual harassment if they don t work here yet rhys nicks thursday 9th nov need cash for your club drummoyne medical centre chemmart® pharmacy is pleased to announce during 2013 they wish to support local groups in the community by donating 5 from every chemmart® branded pharmacy product sold each month the monthly recipient will be announced in c!ao magazine and a cheque will be presented to the previous month s recipient the more members who purchase chemmart® branded products the more that will be donated to their club simply email clubfunding@dmcchemmart.com.au by 28 december 2012 to nominate your non­profit group club or association drummoyne medical centre chemmart® pharmacy proudly supporting the local community drummoyne medical centre chemmart® pharmacy 1/159­167 victoria road drummoyne nsw 2047 p 02 9181 3143 10

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weekly specials delicious produce excellent value merry christmas marketplace leichhardt cnr marion and flood st leichhardt open until christmas eve specials from sunday friday grana padano parmesan cheese $14.99/kg $15.99/kg primo double smoked ham $29.99/kg italian parma prosciutto mutti passata 400g 99c a bottle 3 for $20.00 panettone verdi 900g $3.99 each australian riverina fresh juice orange queensland mangoes located next to aldi tel 9572 6886 $9.99 per tray

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bellezza hair salon ph 9572 6966 open 7 days shop 4 norton plaza 55 norton st leichhardt express yourself with a new look make an appointment and bring in this ad you ll recieve 20 off your next colour service monday thursday only

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snap happy email your snaps to info@ciaomagazine.com.au the fabulous dough box diner team on their 1st birthday a few fine looking ladies elyan shotbolt suz forrester and peta ferrandino master balloon bender bennyo at dough box diner s 1st birthday christopher hawkins impressed the crowd indiana and her new balloon pet the crazy cats from dough box diner sure know how to put on a party fiona gets her groove on to the pink chevys pauline tyrrell betty fletcher michael megna angelo tsirekas lois michel helen mccaffrey launch canada bay s new heritage society canada bay s local studies librarian david sansome lorna wright and merrilyn durance were pleased as concord s and drummoyne s historical societies united last month kim miller modeling her newly purchased hat at aashiya gallery canada bay mayor angelo tsirekas dom ramondino from senso hair sam tadros from manor house design take home a blind mouse each with louise kinch from aashiya gallery aashiya gallery curator louise kinch with featured artists gabriele richter gail edmonds and peter kinch at the launch of the abstracts exhibition community glamour at its best 13

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astrogirlzarro your stars for the week from our real astrogirl aries you may feel the pressure to perform and prove yourself at work when the moon and mars join drop your defences and learn to relax taurus with mercury and venus occupying your eighth house you ll be at ease when dealing with the emotional states of others learn to stay within appropriate boundaries when probing the panel says phil good smile looks like the italian girl next door if i come in for a haircut is that enough of a surprise gemini expect intrepid types to coerce you into discovering a new destination take up the offer and have a pre-christmas mini adventure cancer discover your power through an intense one-on-one relationship when the moon and pluto occupy your relationship sector how you deal with this new strength determines outcomes leo unleash your fun side when an exciting line up of planets inhabits your creativity sector forge ahead with various projects that are soul-nourishing virgo revitalise your home environment renovating relocating furniture or adding new furnishings will improve your current living arrangements being a very hairy italian man i could definitely use a hairdresser in my life adam libra daily routines may feel stifling with the moon opposing uranus mix things up to get the creative juices flowing but expect inconsistency in your dealings with others scorpio you ll be concerned about getting your point across in a certain way when mercury joins saturn chances are that others are keen to hear your ideas about a particular issue sagittarius with the sun mercury and venus occupying your sign this fortnight you ll receive a cosmic energy spurt that ll carry you through the party season capricorn the cluster of planets inhabiting your spirituality zone marks quiet time explore and deal with your rich inner world in solitude and silence hot or not beautiful and judging from the business logo into the godfather what more could you ask jake hot nice brown eyes and nice skin aquarius it s party time for the sociable water bearer you ll be in your element attending various functions and mingling with diverse company over the festive season pisces senses are heightened under the uranus-chiron link explore past experiences that keep you stuck in old patterns so that you can express your full potential without fear n http astrobabylon.blogspot.com www.doordye.com.au the italian beauty describes herself as loyal honest and positive and her ambition in life is to travel the world in style grace says her ideal guy would have to be spontaneous because she just loves surprises so if you re looking to impress this fine woman you ll have to get creative surprise bouquets and impromptu musical performances always seem to do the trick in hollywood movies but will that cut it for this savvy inner west hairdresser grace 34 is the fabulous part-owner of do or dye hair salon in dulwich hill and i thought i was the only girl in the inner west who could pull off fire engine red lippie ms red get exclusive free access to the best health fitness plus claim your free christmas survival tool kit free consultation 12 days of christmas sale this is the quickest easiest and most fun way to jump start your fitness program lose kilos and centimetres fast make new supportive friends and look and feel great in just a few short weeks sale starts 10th december one new sale every 24 hours don t miss out limited numbers previously only offered to our vip clients you must register to recieve daily exclusive sale items 249 norton street leichhardt register now at www.12daysofxmassale.com ph 9568 1234 14

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lifestyle ask sal plumbing the bathroom sink after the rough-in plumbing stage is complete you are ready to plumb the vanity fixture drain vanity drains also known as pop-up drains are relatively painless to install anyone with the right tools and a good set of directions can install one they are a 32mm or 40mm drain designed for use on bathroom vanities or sinks as the primary drain for water here is the first set of directions to get you started on installing your own instructions 1 determine that all of the sealing surfaces are free of dirt and chemicals by wiping down all of the seating areas connection points on the vanity top or sink with a mild cleaner such as dishwashing detergent avoid using harsh abrasives or abrasive cleaners which can scratch the vanity top or sink 2 unthread the waste plug and seat ring on top of the pop-up assembly 3 remove the drain plug and the pop-up ring and seat from the assembly housing 4 back the locknut by reversing the threads all the way down the pop-up assembly housing until it reaches the end of the threads or bottoms out 5 slide the metal washer followed by the rubber gasket down on top of the nut 6 apply silicone sealant to the top of the rubber gasket and the underside of the waste plug ring and seat check out next issue of ciao for a step-by-step guide to the `under sink installation `drain installation and `testing and inspection stages of bathroom sink plumbing n for more information visit www.renovationboys com.au or call salvi messina on 1300 go boys property of the week this man speaks the truth survive the silly season i know what you did last christmas do you you trained your butt off literally just before summer hit so you could go to the beach without fear of being harpooned in your cossie you felt on top of the fat for once but then you got comfortable you allowed yourself to enjoy the silly season christmas parties kebabs and drinks then christmas day arrived and you binged on chocolates for breakfast cake for morning tea and endless fatty sugary and alcoholy it s a word ok foods throughout the day so stuffed you couldn t put anything else in your stomach you decided to run it off right wrong new years eve hit juices runs and zero alcohol i don t think so new year s celebrations are often worse than christmas day you ll probably do the same this year and then you ll make a new year s resolution what will it be this time the same as last lose 5kg-20kg 95 per cent of resolutions fail before february and then winter s here and no one trains in winter right you hibernate until spring arrives and it starts all over again i m here to put a stop to this vicious cycle and keep you fit strong and sexy for the rest of your life this is my gift to you to help with those problems you ve battled all your life along with bs-fed diets pills and 30-second workouts that never work i will show you the truth for free go to www.pinnacletrainingsolutions.com to download your christmas survival tool kit merry christmas n james buckley pinnacle training solutions 249 norton street leichhardt undeniable appeal sought after location 195 burwood rd concord nestled in a prestigious location close to concord s array of amenities and picturesque water s edge on a generous block of 676.6sqm and rare 18.595m frontage this character filled three-bedroom family residence offers ornate and characteristic detailing complimented by modern inclusions and finishes enjoy a low maintenance and carefree lifestyle with formal and casual living and entertaining areas generous bedrooms stylish modern kitchen with stainless steel appliances and established gardens which are beautifully landscaped and maintained this property is immediately liveable with great scope for future additions or renovations to create your dream home in a sought after location other features include polished timber floorboards one bathroom and one car space the property is for sale via private treaty price guide $1,300,000 contact mohammad abedin 0433 202 750 n strathfield partners 9763 2277 www.strathfieldpartners.com.au amore spicy inner west ciao asks,you answer is having bad sex better than having no sex at all i m an unemployed musician my house is mess and my beard is unruly i have no illusions i ll take what i can get jordan petersham i m currently having no sex and it sucks but bad sex is pointless and unsatisfying and just frustrates me further lea burwood it s not better what s the point unless you like cuddling after ­ in which case you might as well just skip to hugging it out irene annandale no sex is better than bad sex if it s bad it seriously puts you off and changes your perspective on something that is supposed to be enjoyable tori leichhardt sex could never be so bad that i d rather not have it at all but i m guessing that s a typical male response and there are hordes of unsatisfied ladies out there that disagree aidan newtown no matter how many sexual encounters i ve screwed up and there s been many i ve just kept trying so i guess i d rather bad than none at all john newtown i d rather no sex at all i don t want to butcher the art of it all mari wareemba if you re on a dry spell bad sex is better than none at all at least you re getting some plus it ll make the next time you do it better in comparison melissa pyrmont not all it s cracked up to be they say that sex is like pizza ­ even when it s bad it s good ok it s mainly men who say that but even for men sometimes bad sex is worse than no sex here are five reasons why celibacy can be preferable to the alternative 1 there are often jokey guides in women s mags about how many kilojoules various erotic activities burn but the reality is that sometimes you just don t have the energy for the carnal equivalent of a five kilometre run the situation can become even more dire if you have an energetic partner who wants to go `running two three or four times a day trust me you ll soon be daydreaming about joining a monastery or nunnery if you ve fallen into the insatiable clutches of a nympho 2 despite the gay abandon with which they are sprayed around in porn bodily fluids are often quite icky if you ve got a sensitive stomach sex can leave you gagging for all the wrong reasons 3 sex ­ at least with anyone other than a longterm partner ­ is one long festival of awkwardness when do you lean in for the first tongue kiss when do you have the discussion about your extensive collection of furry animal costumes what do you talk about after the act do you offer to ring them a taxi or invite them to stay the night do you give/take their number do you canvass whether this is just a onetime hook-up or the start of a potential relationship what if the other person is thinking it s one thing and your thinking it s the other frankly even for the most most women if you re a woman there s the gym membership clothes shopping and possibly pricey and painful plastic surgery involved in catching the eye of the shallow male of the species at a certain point it s just easier and more economical to let yourself go even if that means the only person you ll be having sex with ever again is yourself 5 being asexual has a certain cachet those of you on the wrong side of 40 may remember that 80s miserabilist morrissey was always going hang on i just have to update my facebook status on about his utter disinterest in leading the groupie-shagging rock star libidinous of us there comes a point when the few lifestyle let s face it ­ being gay or even transgender seconds of ecstasy just aren t worth the hours of long ago ceased to win any points for edginess at cringe-inducing queries inane small talk upsetting least in the open-minded inner west misunderstandings and long pauses 4 it s expensive ­ and not just if you re explicitly `paying for it if you re a bloke there s the one-off expenses such as the cost of dinner flowers/presents plus the ongoing outlay of maintaining the kind of car/love shack/wardrobe that s going to appeal to the hypergamous streak in but to declare yourself uninterested in copulation in a late capitalist hypersexualised consumer society truly is sticking it to the man in a non-penetrative way of course n jason dunne is the author of everyone is henry miller sex dat ingand re l at io n s h ip s how about a forgettable shag community glamour at its best 15

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