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exemplar for internal assessment resource english for achievement standard resource 91106 resource a exemplar for internal assessment resource english level 2 resource title highly recommended this exemplar supports assessment against achievement standard 91106 form developed personal responses to independently read texts supported by evidence student and grade boundary specific exemplar the material has been gathered from student material specific to an a or b assessment resource date version published by ministry of education december 2011 to support internal assessment from 2012 © crown 2010

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exemplar for internal assessment resource english for achievement standard resource 91106 resource a grade boundary low excellence 1 the standard requires the following to meet excellence form developed perceptive personal responses to independently read texts supported by evidence this response expresses a reasoned and clear viewpoint about a person s behaviour which is supported by evidence the book s never-ending descriptions of `brave `fearless `amazing andrew irritated me what sort of father puts his ambitions before his parental duties it also saddened me that someone with every reason to be content should have to strive for such external shows of success in order to feel happy why isn t being a good husband and father enough why doesn t society applaud such simple but good achievements there is an insightful understanding and expression of viewpoint about the author s purpose supported with evidence never before have i disagreed so strongly with an author s portrayal of a person i disagreed strongly with vicki mcauley s depiction of her husband as a faultless man i had trouble figuring out how much was andrew s own thoughts and what was his wife s interpretation andrew thinks oh god moments pass but not the tears nor the agony on leaving his wife and child we ve only got her word for it that this is what he was thinking there is a clear and relevant link between the viewpoints about andrew s behavior and the author s purpose supported by evidence the author criticizes justin jones and james castrission s joint effort to cross the tasman in a kayak of their own whereas andrew s plans to do so were deemed `valiant the men s competitive spirit is blamed by the author for contributing to andrew s `bad moods leading up to his attempted crossing if andrew was such a wonderful and pioneering man why couldn t he cope with this to meet excellence more securely the student could develop the understanding about the tensions between individual fulfillment and social responsibility © crown 2010

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exemplar for internal assessment resource english for achievement standard resource 91106 resource a grade boundary high merit 2 the standard requires the following to meet merit form developed convincing personal responses to independently read texts supported by evidence the response expresses clear and relevant viewpoints about research on the influence of targeted marketing these viewpoints are supported by integrated evidence orenstein seemed to me to be over the top in her claim that parents and children had no power against the huge industry i think that her claim that disney deliberately exploit this age because it is the precise moment that girls need to prove they are girls and so present them with really exaggerated images to shore up their femininity is over the top i like how clifton balances orenstein s quite extreme view of the total influence of these toys with some research from our own country significant understandings that begin to show insight are demonstrated i m surprised that orenstein seemed so hung up about the fights she had with her own daughter about what she calls girlie-whirly toys surely a parent who knows so much about this would have some influence or even give her some non-girlie toys and experiences to make up for it the response to the link between text and self is clear and relevant to the viewpoints expressed yes pink was my favourite colour when i was little but i don t think that i was confused or brainwashed she found that in nz girls had more involvement with family toy animals and lots of pet cats sounds like me to meet excellence the student could further develop the viewpoint of the differences between the american and new zealand contexts that are shown by the research © crown 2010

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exemplar for internal assessment resource english for achievement standard resource 91106 resource a grade boundary low merit 3 the standard requires the following to meet merit form developed convincing personal responses to independently read texts supported by evidence this response just sufficiently expresses a reasoned and clear viewpoint about the dangers of technology it is supported by integrated evidence i felt very uneasy and discomforted when hal the artificial intelligence that runs most of the operations on the discovery space ship turned against its own crew this shows that humans are at a point where they have seemingly lost control of their own creations the master of earth is like a baby in space so when hal turned on the humans it made me realise how truly vulnerable we are because of this dependence on machines and technology to do things for us what discomforted me even more was the fact that when hal betrayed the crew he seemed more human than any of the other characters in the film for example when dr floyd video-calls his daughter for her birthday their conversation seems almost apathetic the way that hal is shown to be more human than the crew worries me because it makes me believe that if our love of technological advancement causes us to rely too much on our own tools our own creations could essentially replace us the response to the link between the text and the world supports the viewpoint about the dangers of technology we are a very fast-growing civilization but the film also showed me that like all great things we will eventually end it made me question how long we have until we reach that point and whether it is our own doing that will cause our end to meet merit more securely the student could develop the expression of the viewpoint that hal s human-like behaviour is heavily contrasted with the other human characters © crown 2010

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exemplar for internal assessment resource english for achievement standard resource 91106 resource a grade boundary high achieved 4 the standard requires the following to meet achievement form developed personal responses to independently read texts supported by evidence this response demonstrates engagement through the expression of a sympathetic viewpoint towards the character s situation and attitude this is supported by relevant evidence i felt a strong sense of admiration for gardner i felt this because even through all his struggles he always tried his hardest not just for himself but for his son this certainty and belief in himself that gardner shows makes me admire him he truly believes that nothing is impossible and he proves this not just by solving a rubik s cube but by going from bankruptcy to wealth and happiness jay was trying to solve a rubik s cube when he said this is impossible gardner replies nothing s impossible i can do it i also felt sorry for gardner because of the weight that he carried on his shoulders this weight was his son christopher thinks that his life is alright while gardner knows that their life at the moment is very below average the response to the link between text and self begin to demonstrate significant understandings this film made me think that happiness is something that you pursue you work hard and try to gain it it is not something that is rewarded through luck or bias i learnt that if someone really loves someone then they will do anything to let them have a happy life he does everything he can for his son and for these reasons i admire him and feel sorry for him for what he goes through to meet merit the student could develop significant understandings of how gardner s concern for his son s well-being links to his desire to succeed © crown 2010

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exemplar for internal assessment resource english for achievement standard resource 91106 resource a grade boundary low achieved 5 the standard requires the following to meet achievement form developed personal responses to independently read texts supported by evidence the response just sufficiently demonstrates and develops engagement through an understanding of chris gardner s circumstances this is supported by relevant evidence at first i felt sorrow for chris because nothing seemed to be going his way all chris gardner wanted was to be happy but he loses his car his wife left him he had no money however i came to realize that worrying about your problems is not the answer and not the way chris worked this changed my opinion of chris and i came to admire him rather than feel sorry for him for example we see him teaching himself how to mend the broken scanner it s hard to imagine how strong you d have to be to not lose hope and just give up when in these circumstances the link between chris gardner and the real world example of mark inglis just sufficiently supports the personal response about facing challenges people who seize challenges and use them as a way to better themselves are much better off than those that feel sorry for themselves and don t overcome their own problems mark inglis who became the first double amputee to climb mt everest didn t stop because he had no legs so why should the rest of us to meet achievement more securely the student could develop the idea that it s hard to imagine how strong you d have to be to not lose hope and just give up when in these circumstances © crown 2010

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exemplar for internal assessment resource english for achievement standard resource 91106 resource a grade boundary high not achieved 6 the standard requires the following to meet achievement form developed personal responses to independently read texts supported by evidence the response begins to demonstrate engagement with the text by expressing sympathy and understanding of will s situation i sympathised with will he was lost and confused and wanted to find the answers no matter what it took in order for him to find them i learnt from this text that events can change someone for will it was the death of his mother that made him become focussed on finding these answers that he desperately needed to know there is insufficient clarity in the explanation of this viewpoint and supporting evidence from the text is not provided while some of the time sympathising with will was the last thing a reader wanted to do his character was portrayed in such a way that you wanted him to find the answers no matter what it took i realised that while some of the things he did and turned to while trying to find meaning in his life were negative for himself the results he ended up with were positive to meet achievement the personal response needs to be developed in terms of the student s ideas about coping with grief and searching for meaning this needs to be supported by evidence from the novel © crown 2010

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