p. 1

put your gear on get the motorbike started up said mum finally the day had come to go on the big motorbike ride with mum dad jeffrey and uncle anthony but my dad had to do some work so that took us another hour or 2 eventually dad sorted out the work and we got on the motorbikes and set off i was on the back seat of dad s now modified two seats ducati it was yellow when we started but the parts were red it is now a mixture of yellow and red jeffrey was on the back of mum s bike and uncle anthony was by himself we were riding for two hours sometimes me and dad went so fast that we had to turn back to meet them we soon had to stop for a rest and we went to have a look at the 2nd biggest tree in new zealand the biggest tree has a secret location it is to stop people from tagging and hurting it with its delicate roots its location is most likely in the hands of d.o.c as we went around the people were most likely thinking the riff raff has arrived we soon took off again because i was complaining that i was hungry not long after we arrived at a small fishing village there was a large body of water and on the other side was a small land of sand that looks like a blanket of sand on the island when we stopped for lunch we had some fish `n chips also we had some v because jeffrey was falling asleep over lunch i learnt that uncle anthony was a race bike rider.

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p. 2

from time to time uncle anthony and dad would have some friendly races and i was usually on the back of one or other s bike it was exhilarating once when i was on my mum s bike we almost lost anthony luckily we soon found him as we were driving home we had to pull over we talked about having domino s when we got home mum and jeffrey went off for the pizza i had a supremo it was perfecto it was the most amazing ride ever so far it must have been great being on the back of the bike with your dad i think you have done a good job at separating your main points into paragraphs william there are some basic errors still full stops and capital letter especially this still needs another edit make sure all your sentences make sense to the reader.

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