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tantric sex by dr judy kuriansky a pearson education company

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to all those who are working toward more love and peace thank you copyright © 2002 by dr judy kuriansky all rights reserved no part of this book shall be reproduced stored in a retrieval system or transmitted by any means electronic mechanical photocopying recording or otherwise without written permission from the publisher no patent liability is assumed with respect to the use of the information contained herein although every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book the publisher and author assume no responsibility for errors or omissions neither is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of information contained herein for information address alpha books 201 west 103rd street indianapolis in 46290 the complete idiot s guide to design is a registered trademark of pearson education inc international standard book number 0-02-864175-2 library of congress catalog card number 2001097252 04 03 02 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 interpretation of the printing code the rightmost number of the first series of numbers is the year of the book s printing the rightmost number of the second series of numbers is the number of the book s printing for example a printing code of 02-1 shows that the first printing occurred in 2002 printed in the united states of america note this publication contains the opinions and ideas of its author it is intended to provide helpful and informative material on the subject matter covered it is sold with the understanding that the author and publisher are not engaged in rendering professional services in the book if the reader requires personal assistance or advice a competent professional should be consulted the author and publisher specifically disclaim any responsibility for any liability loss or risk personal or otherwise which is incurred as a consequence directly or indirectly of the use and application of any of the contents of this book.

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publisher marie butler-knight product manager phil kitchel managing editor jennifer chisholm acquisitions editor mike sanders development editor lynn northrup production editor billy fields copy editor rachel lopez illustrator hrana janto jody schaeffer cover designers mike freeland kevin spear book designers scott cook and amy adams of designlab indexer brad herriman layout/proofreading svetlana dominguez mary hunt michelle mitchell

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contents at a glance part 1 an introduction to tantric sex the spiritual path to sacred love 1 what is tantric sex tantra and tantric sex as a pathway to love sacred sex transformation healing and bliss how the west is reviving and embracing ancient eastern techniques the benefits of tantric sex a test of readiness for tantric sex 2 the basics yes yin yang yoni and yab yum sex as energy not activity now how do you activate and use it achieving balance and union of opposites do opposites attract the love position of yab yum new terms for sex that honor your love 3 spinning your wheels and breathing to ecstasy new ways to breathe your way to bliss how energy centers in your body bring you to transformation creating the inner flute and using your third eye symbols and sounds that help your practice 4 awaken and worship the god and goddess in you you are a divine being getting to know the ancient deities and finding the god and goddess in you and your partner 1 3 19 29 43 part 2 getting started in sacred sex 5 prep your body temple of love your body as your temple of love learning to love it getting to know it and use it for higher loving the mirror exercise and love muscle workouts a test of your spine 6 amp up or damp down your sexual energy controlling your energy to relax or activate techniques to help you do that the sacrum tap the chakra thump dancing up an energy storm and getting your pelvis moving 7 setting the stage for your tantric nights of pleasure making time for lovemaking and preparing the sacred space for your tantric nights of pleasure cleansing the tantric way rituals to sanctify your love temple dedicating your lovemaking and dressing the god/goddess way setting your intentions to get ready for the best nights ever to come 59 61 73 81

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the complete idiot s guide to tantric sex 8 practices for beloveds to reach bliss what is bliss spark your love connection with simple techniques like the eye lock and heart tap stimulating your senses and using them to turn you and your partner on 9 breaking through blocks to bliss solutions to common problems that get in the way making time for love through 10-minute connects and the morning blessing solving anger battles over control and fears of separation letting go of past abuse through emotional release seven ways to balance male and female energies take the sex relations review 95 107 part 3 making major progress on the path to ecstasy 10 giving her the best nights ever the value of taking turns how to make her night different from all other nights the date checklist boudoir basics to please her six promises to make to your goddess getting her to relax and moving her energy when love and love liquid flows what women want most 11 giving him the best nights ever a checklist to prepare for his best nights ever the four r s to please him relax relieve reassure reward what to do and say on the first night and beyond helping him surrender to love and pleasure secrets to arouse his passion with exciting ways to stimulate his lingam and god spots 12 make lovemaking last and last and last how long is a man supposed to last test his and her reactions to lovemaking length myths about lasting longer the keys to ejaculation control how the partner helps 13 a new view of love sex and orgasm the big tto the new focus on conscious love approaching sex the sexual response cycle and orgasm in a new way different kinds of orgasm the power of the tto the tantric transformative orgasm how to connect sex energy to love energy the ooo-ahh path to passion and the total body orgasm cosmorgasm and mega-orgasm spots to feel the big o orgasmic waves that keep on coming 14 getting fit together for tantric sex exciting new routines for physical activities to do together yoga poses to help your love practice the new trend and value of belly dancing for men and women how lovemaking is a workout the benefits of a new technique of yogaboxing 119 121 133 145 159 171 vi

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contents part 4 going deeper more love and better sex than you ever imagined 15 make it juicy with magic and play games lovers can share fun ways to enjoy connecting dancing for and with each other toys and gifts in sacred loving how to achieve sex magic in lovemaking 16 advanced tantric lovemaking techniques what makes a technique advanced an exercise for timeless love the maithuna ritual and kundalini snake dance advanced yoga poses lovemaking positions and new erogenous zones oral pleasure bringing in divine energy and tuning in to vibes that create more intimacy 17 sexual healing to set you free the special techniques of sexual healing to heal your hurts to rebuild trust and release your love and joy instructions for the healer and the receiver what happens in a healing how you too can be healed 18 sex song and videotape the value of stimulating eyes and ears in sacred sex cds and videos that complement your tantric mood recommendations to help you on your path 185 187 201 215 229 part 5 dating and mating tantra style 19 singles sex and tantra you don t need a partner to follow the tantric path to bliss you are the beloved how to take yourself on a tantric date the search for mr ms right tantra style who is the perfect tantric partner unusual couplings that really work where to go to find a tantric match and how to bringing in your soul mate 20 tying the knot tantra style the unique rituals in marriage ceremonies tantric style what tantric brides and grooms wear who comes what they say in their vows and priests and priestesses who preside dedications to each other special participation of the guests ideas that you can use 21 when he resists or she strays what to do when you are enthused about this tantric path but your partner doesn t share your interest deciding what s best for you and your relationship understanding and dealing with affairs the tantric way the energy booster and other ways to survive affairs and differences and get back on a loving track 241 243 257 271 vii

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part 6 tantra for everybody in the new millennium 22 a lifetime of tantra learning to love at all ages how tantra leads to longer life the value of tantra for all ages how tantra is helpful in mid life and menopause how college kids and teens are taking to tantra the techniques of tantra to raise healthier kids and how tantric principles can be integrated into a school system 23 lifestyles and situations tantra for all relationships the pros and cons of cybertantra how a tantric lifestyle works regardless of your situation or relationship status the new tantric sex workshops for gay men the value of tantric sex in case of disability healing relationships with parents and families 24 which path is right for you who s teaching what making sense of the various tantra traditions the noted contemporary teachers and the importance of having a guide or teacher questions to ask about a workshop and ways to keep your tantric practice going retreats gatherings and the new trend of exotic escapes 25 a healing force for now and the future the healing force of tantric sex in racial tensions generational tensions teen sex abuse and drug use how you are not alone creating tantric community and family new hope to help heal the world 281 283 293 303 319 appendixes a glossary b workshops web sites teachers and tantra communities c tantric tools index 327 333 343 353

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contents part 1 an introduction to tantric sex the spiritual path to sacred love 1 what is tantric sex 1 3 what is tantra 4 sacred sex the tantric way 4 how tantric sex frees your mind body and soul 5 tantric sex as the path to healing 6 tantric sex as magic 6 a powerful chemical cocktail to bliss 6 find and follow the pathways of energy 7 how the west revived eastern tantric sex practices 7 sacred sex 10 myths about tantra and tantric sex 11 why tantric sex now 12 twelve benefits of tantric sex practices 13 are you ready for tantra 15 the ten pledges of the tantric sex path 16 2 the basics yes yin yang yoni and yab yum 19 yin and yang what is male and what is female 20 the circle of coupled consciousness 20 shiva and shakti 21 getting in touch with opposites 22 achieving balance and union of opposites 22 position yourselves for love in yab yum 23 sex as energy not activity 24 my partner my beloved 24 what do you call your sex organs the new terms for yoni and lingam 25 a new view of desire 26 empowered to say yes or no 26 taking care of your body temple 27

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the complete idiot s guide to tantric sex 3 spinning your wheels and breathing to ecstasy 29 the importance of your breath 29 why we don t breathe correctly 30 the chakra wheels 31 breathe through the chakras 33 the third eye as window to the soul 37 making all the connections from coccyx to crown 37 your inner smile 38 be both participant and observer 39 mantras 39 yantras 39 mandalas 40 4 awaken and worship the god and goddess in you 43 what is god/goddess 44 integrate all your roles 44 seeing beyond the superficial 45 the importance of worshipping each other 46 clearing up confusion about gods and goddesses 46 getting to know the ancient goddesses 46 major and well-known goddesses 46 other goddesses around the world 49 gods from different cultures 51 modern-day god/goddess icons 53 gods and their goddess counterparts 53 the essence of the god/goddesses within you 54 using deities in your sex practice 55 festivals and other god/goddess gatherings 55 fertility festivals in japan 55 burning man festival in nevada 56 goddess gatherings 56 temples 57 part 2 getting started in sacred sex 5 prep your body temple of love 59 61 your body as the bridge to bliss 61 building body love through the looking glass 62 describe your sexual parts inside and out 63 x

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contents if your penis or yoni could talk 64 go on a genital exploration 64 the two colors of tantra merging the sexual and the physical 65 the yoga connection 66 some simple yoga movements 66 hold it these are called bandhas 66 love muscle exercises for men and women 68 follow a conscious workout 68 the spinal tap 69 food for thought you are what you eat 70 6 amp up or damp down your sexual energy 73 ways to calm down 74 air yoga as a stress reducer 74 amping up for good loving 75 control your breathing 75 practice the sacrum tap 75 do the chakra thump 76 practice streaming 76 dance up an energy storm 76 get that pelvis moving 77 fantasize 78 let yourself go 78 do the shakti shake 78 take lama breaths 79 ask your partner for help 80 7 setting the stage for your tantric nights of pleasure 81 making time enough for love 82 the conscious cleanup 82 the tantric bathing ritual 84 god and goddess dress up 86 your ideal romantic setting 87 prepare your sacred lovemaking space 88 change your setting 89 music to make love by 89 building an altar 90 xi

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the complete idiot s guide to tantric sex honoring rituals to sanctify your space 90 quiet the mind 92 set your intention together 92 going out on your tantra date 93 8 practices for beloveds to reach bliss 95 what is bliss 95 synchronizing your energy 96 look into my eyes eye gazing 97 the heart hold 98 the partner passion pod 99 stimulating the senses 99 call it sacred finding your tantric love triggers 102 sex in the flow lane 102 advanced body exploration 103 her yoni show for him 103 his love arrow show for her 103 making sacred water magic 104 staying in bliss the afterplay 104 9 breaking through blocks to bliss 107 when big emotions burst forth 108 making time for each other 109 couple s morning blessing 109 the ten-minute connect 109 diffusing your anger 110 overcoming feelings of separation 111 balancing your male and female energies 111 the sexual relations review 111 seven ways to balance sexual energy 113 frustration over who s on top 115 getting past desperation and attachment 115 purging panic and obsessions 116 more ways to clear blocks 117 xii

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contents part 3 making major progress on the path to ecstacy 10 giving her the best nights ever 119 121 the value of taking turns at pleasure 122 what do women really want 122 step 1 set your intention 122 step 2 remind yourself that this is her night 123 step 3 be prepared to serve your goddess 123 step 4 face your fears 123 step 5 decide how you will call on her 123 boudoir basics 124 night of pleasure 1 promises to the goddess in the pleasure palace 125 relaxing her 125 night of pleasure 2 getting closer 127 the resolution phase 129 night of pleasure 3 when love and love liquid flow 129 the one thing women need most 131 the one thing women want most 131 11 giving him the best nights ever 133 night 1 taking your man into tantric bliss 134 preparing him for pleasure 134 leading him to the tantric love temple 135 preparing him for his night of love 135 step l put him at ease 135 step 2 bathe him 136 step 3 enter the love temple 136 step 4 promise him pleasure 136 the tantric shiva massage a time to surrender 137 languishing over his lingam 138 the second pleasure night 139 a variation on massage 140 include more lingam strokes when pleasuring 140 pleasing his god spots 141 building his sexual charge 141 the secret to moving his energy 142 xiii

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the complete idiot s guide to tantric sex the third night of pleasure 143 entering his sacred space 143 exploring and exciting his god spot 143 12 make lovemaking last and last and last 145 how long is he supposed to last 146 when it s all over too fast 146 her reaction to three-minute sex 146 his reaction to three-minute sex 147 why men come so fast 149 no expectations please 149 ejaculation and orgasm are different 150 the stages of the male sexual response cycle 151 traditional control tactics 151 sealing the penis or sexual kung fu 152 tantric sex versus other methods of prolonging lovemaking 153 the transmutation breath 154 tips on how she can help 155 if he ejaculates before she is ready 156 13 a new view of love sex and orgasm the big tto 159 what s love got to do with it 160 a new view of orgasm and the sexual response cycle 160 the cosmorgasm 162 the mega-orgasm 162 the clearing orgasm 162 reaching multiple and simultaneous orgasms 163 the tantric wave 163 the stock market orgasm 164 how to have the big tto 164 taking sex drive to a new level 165 the shiva shakti mudra 165 variations on the shiva shakti mudra 165 connecting the sexual energy to other energy centers 166 using movements to send sexual energy 166 using sound to transmute music energy 166 xiv

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contents where do you feel the big o alphabet orgasms 169 the g spot 169 the x spot 169 the afe zone 169 the pfe zone 169 the anywhere-in-your-body orgasm 170 14 getting fit together for tantric sex 171 the importance of physical activity together 171 the love muscle exercises for the man and the woman 172 partner pelvic thrusts 172 i could have danced all night 173 an eight-step white tantra twosome routine 173 couple connect 174 circling couple celebration 175 squat-to-stand support 175 partner pelvis press 176 dangling duos 176 the couple cobras 178 lovers table 178 couple cuddle 179 bedroom bodybuilding 179 yogaboxing 181 part 4 going deeper more love and better sex than you ever imagined 15 make it juicy with magic and play 185 187 the spirit of play 188 how much juice is there 188 the importance of play in sex 188 affirmations about joyful sexual union 188 laugh your way to better health 189 dancing for each other 189 mirror mirror 190 the hand dance 191 using your body parts 191 belly dancing 192 xv

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