special report relationship in 3s building the foundation of healthy relationships !om a catholic perspective by christina m weber ms licensed clinical marriage and family therapist catholic coach www.catholicwomensguide.com
special report relationship in 3s building the foundation of healthy relationships !om a catholic perspective www.catholicwomensguide.com by christina m weber ms licensed clinical marriage and family therapist catholic coach introduction y ou may know these three ladies they may attend your church or you may be one of these women they all are serious about their catholic faith but have varying degrees of satisfaction with the relationships in their lives jane is a well-meaning active catholic woman you ll always find jane giving to others through service at the church by being a listening ear or sometimes through martyr-like devotion to her children jane doesn t make any demands on her husband she never lets anyone know about her needs the one problem jane has in response to all of her giving is that she really does have expectations from others even though they are not verbalized when a receiver of her care does not respond by meeting these unspoken expectations a tension creates in jane which sometimes spills over into her relationship with this person overtime this tension becomes bitterness in time this bitterness can flower into a life permeated by depression or you may also know sarah sarah is a lot of fun a real social butterfly sarah flies from one y event to another to a long chit chat on the phone to hanging out and watching her favorite reality tv show sarah has varying success in getting her housework done sarah of course goes to church but spending time in a bible study does not appeal to her she s the one organizing the big fund raiser and bopping all around visiting with everyone while doing it one day sarah s world get broadsided with a major family crisis her husband is unhappy and is leaving she learns her teenager is caught drinking she discovers her other adolescent is sexually active then there is mary unlike the blessed mary this mary is not perfect but this mary has a relaxed calmness about her she is confident she is clear on the choices she needs to make she does spend time with god in prayers and she enjoys close relationships with others when times are tough she has friends to talk to and support her to be a better person likewise she makes herself available for her friends in their time of need her friendships give mary the foundation to grow in the other areas of her life mary does service she has learned to apply herself to areas best suited for her unique gifts thus she finds her service rewarding all of these women are in relationships with others but they experience varying degrees of joy in their lives based on how they approach their relationships mary has learned how to have healthy relationships from a catholic perspective and you can too.
h ea lthy re lationshipsfromac at ho licperspective how is having a healthy relationship from a catholic perspective any different from merely having a healthy relationship and why should you strive for the former we are united in the common goal of having all of humanity spend eternity with god in heaven as catholic women we acknowledge and act on the reality that we need to receive love nurturing and understanding from special individuals in our lives certain persons god has put in our lives just for that purpose healthy relationships from a catholic perspective involve a balance between giving and receiving when we achieve such relationships balance we in my workshops and my book i gain the capacity to show great love differentiate the one from the other for the unlovable the unlikable the in general a healthy relationship is a however we don t stop with just irritating the draining the unpopular relationship between two parties that receiving factoring in our catholic the uninteresting and has the elements of mutually the needy persons god beneficial interpersonal when we achieve such relationships balance serendipitously weaves exchanges that move towards deeper intimacy these we gain the capacity to show great love for into our lives our obedience to let god could include respect the unlovable the unlikable the use us as instruments kindness sharing activities irritating the draining the unpopular of his love to bring freedom and encouragement him negotiation and fairness the uninteresting and the needy persons others tohonor is our greatest and our trust and support honesty god serendipitously weaves into our lives greatest purpose and accountability shared responsibility and in some faith in our relationships enable us to this is how we live and have truly cases economic partnership the imitate christ by mentoring and healthy relationships the catholic focus of a healthy relationship is serving significant people in our lives women s guide to healthy primarily between the two this is how we reap the benefits of relationships supernatural key 9 individuals true happiness and deep joy to living relationships in 3s to achieve this we must have the experience your personal foundation the concept of healthy relationships humility the vulnerability and the of god s love is a fantastic tool to from a catholic perspective is much growing capacity for intimacy to have help put this concept into practice in broader it goes beyond the equal peer-to-peer relationships with our daily lives elements mentioned above we are created by god to be interdependent supernatural key 9 living relationships in 3s to experience your personal foundation of god s love h aving a balance in our relationship when it comes to giving and receiving contributes to our physical emotional and spiritual well-being like jane many well-intentioned catholic women end up bitter drained unsatisfied and resentful when they unknowingly fail to strike this balance in their lives they give give and give without getting their tanks filled with love from others however even their giving loses its effectiveness when feelings of entitlement and control creep in it happens when these women on some level feel they should somehow get something back for all the selfsacrifice they have done on the other side are women who rebel against the concept of service towards others unless it is convenient or self-serving they revel in the false concept of women s liberation by pursuing self-gratification oblivious to the needs of others sadly and often regretfully late in their lives these women experience emptiness loneliness and lack of meaning in a life without sincere connection with others and authentic self donation nothing can replace the joy received from mentoring another and fulfilling the plan god has for your life my catholic sisters there is a better way.
she would help me find the next step i needed to take and help me see potential when i felt stuck she my first job out of college was with never shamed me when i would xerox corporation as an account struggle with my numbers she was representative my boss was a divorced woman in her early forties a always positive and ready to help single mom of an elementary aged son she had a calming influence i never mentored from above she had been a successful manager for quite some time perhaps a decade she was a hard worker and always led by her example yet she never imposed her rigorous work ethic on us despite being a satellite office to the district with smaller accounts my manager s sales team always performed well year after year i believe this success was because of her management and mentoring skills kathy was a classy kind patient strategic and intelligent woman her background was in education i remember meeting with her weekly for our one-on-one sessions i always felt empowered and encouraged when felt her stress or pressure and i know she had some i realize there were times she would act as a buffer with us when she was getting pressure from her superiors i ultimately changed my career direction after working under kathy for five years at xerox yet even in this transition she was supportive experience that would be beneficial to them or tools from the regnum christ movement or the church in general that may be of assistance to them once a month on a monday my day off from work i would have appointments lined up for the women it was a big commitment in all honesty there were times when i would dread the day not because i did not enjoy the company of the ladies but because of all of the other tasks i would like to have time to complete but the experience of giving of myself to another was amazing i was humbled by the vulnerability of the women and their desire to be closer to christ i felt that i learned more from them than they gained from me i cherished the close relationships i developed with each of the women this was only possible she recognized that i was not running away from something but rather moving toward something better for me working for xerox at times was very stressful but because of her mentorship kathy helped me endure and grow tremendously during my time there without that positive mentoring there would have been a significantly different impact in my confidence level my willingness to take risks and my general skill set real-life challenge/how to do it in the supernatural key 9 living relationships in 3s to experience your personal foundation of god s love i suggest that you have three relationships where you are being mentored from above these people could be your boss your supervisor your natural mother a surrogate mother a big sister a colleague ahead of you in her career an older woman from church a 12-step sponsor etc there might be an occasion where a male would be in this role say in the role of your boss or supervisor but in general it is best for you to fill these roles with women because we were both willing to make that special time for each other it eventually became clear that god was calling me to serve in a different capacity and that i had to let go of my role as team leader ironically it was losing the team dialogue and the intimacy that it created that i missed the most the experience of mentoring others helps us to grow in ways only possible through these sacrificial acts it helps us get out of ourselves it increases our capacity for intimacy and for empathy it gives us a chance to have a closer view into someone s soul it helps make us whole human beings real-life challenge/how to do it to give your life the zest the depth and the joy you deserve strive to have three relationships where you are mentoring others in the workplace this could involve you being a boss a supervisor a professional mentor or a team leader many people doing chu pos bec app to m chu chu mentoring others i served as a team leader for our regnum christi team for a couple of years part of my responsibilities was to have monthly team dialogue with each of the eight to 10 ladies on our team i would discuss with them what was going on in their personal lives we would process struggles they were experiencing that hinder them from fulfilling their spiritual commitments such as regular confession and a regular prayer life i would share with them my personal wit men scho her of h
surprisingly for many peer relationships that are truly intimate are very difficult to achieve peer relationships am not suggesting you do anything i am not willing to do myself i don t just write about relationships in 3s i live it may not have anything close to the reaction i was having finding nurturing and developing strong intimate peer relationships is very hard but it something we must persevere in to be healthy and to experience full enjoyment god intends us to have i a good friend from high school and another good friend from college have consistently held two of my three peer relationship slots my third slot had always been relatively fluid with different individuals floating in and out of my relationships in 3s trio enough about who they are to do that you really do have to know and love yourself first to effectively know and love another willingness to step out of your comfort zone with people who can trust will help move past these obstacles peer relationships increase the fun factor in our lives there is no establishing intimate substitute inaone s spiritual journey than having genuine close mutual relationships relationship with a person whose walk in life is similar to yours everyone is unique many people good signs that show you have a when they learn of relationships in relationship like this include being 3s find that one or another type of in the not too distant past i had relationship is easier than the other completely comfortable not having been developing a relationship with any pretense supportive not often the person has an unbalanced a mom in our parish we were very competitive and knowing your collection of relationships comfortable around each other but friend would be there for you during surprisingly for many peer it was still in the early stages of a crisis a true friend looks out for relationships that are truly intimate actually becoming an intimate your best interests and shares some are very difficult in a peer friendship i could see a real information no matter how difficult relationship two people have an potential there her son was or uncomfortable the information equal reciprocal loving intimate friends with my oldest son they may be if it would be in your best relationship oftentimes these are were in the same class her interest to hear it among people with a similar state of younger boys were in the same grade life or who are close in age as my daughter they got along real-life challenge/how to do it great as well we traveled the same when assessing your peer intimate relationships catapult our circles and would see each other at relationships you must first make an growth they give us a safe landing ball games kids for jesus boy inventory of your current scouts events school activities etc point as we venture out to try new relationships many women have things the key word here is i really liked her and admired her maintained at least one friendship intimate a person can have lots she was funny smart and witty from high school or college these of friends but only talk about or do might be good for one or two of your superficial things or activities to then at one of our kids activities peer relationships slots have at be intimate the person must be she mentioned to me that their vulnerable with the other sharing his least one peer relationship with family was moving someone currently in your same or her true strengths and state of life for example if you weaknesses intimacy must be i was devastated have kids in school one of your peer in-to-me-see for many this is a friendships might be a parent of one very uncomfortable and unfamiliar i could barely contain my emotions of your kids friends out-of-town place to be when i was at the event i cried friends don t count they are nice uncontrollably when i went home to have but to make this work you equal relationships give us great that night and for about three days need warm bodies you can touch practice with reciprocity and in a row i got to the point where i see and experience in person the mutuality for others their selfwas feeling embarrassed that i was out-of-towners are nice icing on the awareness is too low to be able to so upset i felt even worse thinking cake but they are not the main openly share their true selves with that my potential intimate friend course another they simply aren t clear
christ as our role model i got pieces of this idea of practicing relationships in 3s from a meditation i read once in a woman s bible the author observed the patterns of christ in his relationships with his apostles while he chose the 12 apostles consistently at key points in his life he chose to spend special moments with only three peter james and john were present during the raising of jairus s daughter the transfiguration and during the agony in the garden jesus had a special more deeply intimate relationship with these three not only as a group but also individually from these three jesus selected peter to be the head of his church our first pope despite many failings on peter s part st john was referred to as the one that jesus loved and of course he was the only apostle who had the courage to stay with jesus until the end as he died at calvary while jesus chose the 12 apostles consistently at three points in his life he chose to spend special moments with only three peter james and john there are limits on earth as to how many people we can spend deep and intimate relationships with christ received his spiritual feeding from his mutually mentoring relationships with god the father jesus was god but he still had to select and prioritize his relationships and god the holy spirit christ regularly spent time in prayer with he was not immune to the it is through christ s act of salvation them rejuvenating himself to be able that he mentors to the whole of limitations of time and space with his human body unlike in heaven to successfully fulfill his mission humanity god the father and god the holy spirit offered support and encouragement to jesus up until calvary there jesus obediently made the ultimate sacrifice to voluntarily be apart from them briefly for our salvation conclusion through practicing supernatural key 9 living relationships in 3s to experience your personal foundation of god s love not only do we amplify the joy in our lives but we also improve our spiritual fitness practicing relationships in 3s is akin to filling up the gas tank for a long weekend getaway relationship in 3s gives one the optimal balance of giving and receiving of being vulnerable versus having boundaries and of being selfish in a healthy way with generosity a person with these foundational relationships in place feels satisfied peaceful secure and joyful that person will be in a state ideal for meeting the needs of the unexpected sojourner he/she will have the emotional reservoir to treat the irritating person with charity and patience this person is secure enough in his or her relationships to be able to make room for new people and experiences without feeling like he or she must lap on the attention to her key relationships out of an insecure attachment practicing relationships in 3s helps us transcend the human tendency of letting our personal standard and comfort level become the ending point we experience real joy and happiness as we toss mediocrity and attachment to comfort aside and practice what it really means to live in god s love want more check out the cd catholic women s guide to healthy relationships supernatural key 9 living relationships in 3s to experience your personal foundation of god s love the cd contains five action steps that will help you transform any disordered collection of relationships into a spiritually fit joymanufacturing relationship in 3s machine © catholic women s guide november 2011 a rights reserved no part of this special report may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means electronic mechanical photocopying recording or otherwise without the prior written permission of the author.