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seven_issue_one_2008.qxd 5/5/08 11:34 am page 1 like father like son meet the man behind hockey superstar jarome iginla 16 actor jason hildebrand tells a mean story 23 prodigal journey what women want inside information from a woman s perspective 34 july ­ august 2008 newsstand price cdn $4.95

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seven_issue_one_2008.qxd p 5/5/08 11:59 am page 2 unleashed unleashed discipleship training there is a growing crisis of integrity among canadian men our homes workplaces and even our churches are feeling the effect recent studies show that men make up less than 40 percent of adults in most churches and 20 to 25 percent of married churchgoing women attend without their husbands how did a movement that began with twelve men lose the interest of men promise keepers canada has created discipleship training unleashed to help men make a lasting impact in the lives of other men what is discipleship training unleashed fulfilling one the greatest needs in the church today dtu is in-depth training for mature christian men on how to be effective mentors participants will receive 100 hours of discipleship training and emerge prepared to be mentors to the men around them to register or for information on how to bring this event to your community contact us at 1-888-901-9700 or info@promisekeepers.ca www.pkelevation.ca mentoring men to leave no man behind equipping men to mentor men!

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seven_issue_one_2008.qxd 5/5/08 1:35 pm page 3 contents july ­ august 2008 on the cover 16 like father like son jarome s nature is much the same as mine says his father he s a very spiritual guy features 20 daddy s home as the traditional family unravels men are rediscovering the importance of being good fathers meet the man behind hockey superstar jarome iginla 16 actor jason hildebra nd tells a mean story 23 inside information from a woman s perspec tive 34 july ­ august 2008 newsstand price cdn $4.95 publisher brian koldyk managing editor doug koop pulse editor robert white advertising account executive joe d amico seven@christianweek.org unless otherwise indicated neither christianweek nor promise keepers canada guarantee warrant or endorse any product program or service advertised editorial advisory board ron hannah promise keepers canada kirk giles promise keepers canada jeff stearns promise keepers canada phil wagler zurich mennonite church sandra reimer reimer reason communications doug koop christianweek distributed by promise keepers canada 1295 north service road po box 40599 burlington on l7p 4w1 905 331-1830 subscriptions@promisekeepers.ca postmaster please send address changes to po box 40599 burlington on l7p 4w1 issn 1916-8403 on the cover jarome iginla larry macdougal the canadian press like father like son 22 father wants to know you best jason hildebrand is learning a lot about fatherhood as he retells the story of the prodigal son to rapt audiences 26 a father s heart four sons follow four different roads and never leave their father s heart prodigal journ ey what women want columns 5 pk podium the president of promise keepers announces the birth of a new christian magazine for canadian men 6 help wanted an old girlfriend wants advice about her marriage problems should i help her 28-29 out of my depth fathers know how to give good gifts to their children 32 money matters basic budgeting can help you work wonders departments 8-11 pulse curious events interesting people good reads 12 reviews five reasons to read 30-31 power play tools toys and technology 33 shape up take time to get fit editorial and advertising office 204-424 logan avenue winnipeg mb r3a 0r4 phone 204 982-2060 800 263-6695 admin@christianweek.org dkoop@christianweek.org design indigo ink studios www.indigoinkstudios.com seven is a christian magazine for canadian men that exists to help men lead more fulfilling lives and leave enduring legacies the name reflects the seven promises that form the basis of the promise keepers organization which works with churches to minister to men across canada one ­ a promise keeper is committed to honouring jesus christ through worship prayer and obedience to god s word in the power of the holy spirit two ­ a promise keeper is committed to pursuing vital relationships with a few other men understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises three ­ a promise keeper is committed to practising spiritual moral ethical and sexual purity four ­ a promise keeper is committed to building strong marriages and families through love protection and biblical values five ­ a promise keeper is committed to supporting the mission of the church by honouring and praying for his pastor and by actively giving his time and resources six ­ a promise keeper is committed to reaching beyond any racial and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of biblical unity seven ­ a promise keeper is committed to influencing his world being obedient to the great commandment see mark 12:30-31 and the great commission see matt 28:19-20 seven ­ premier issue july-august 2008 page 03

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seven_issue_one_2008.qxd 5/5/08 12:01 pm page 4 7 magazine men god life you asked for a christian men s magazine that was for canadian men ­ a quality magazine that was relevant exciting and biblical we listened men of integrity devotional especially written for men easy to read personally challenging and eternally rewarding 5 minutes per day that s all it takes promise keepers canada presents ® helping to build men of integrity visit www.wisechoices.ca to have these pk resources sent to your home world class speaker cd series make the most of your commuting time by listening to these inspiring messages on the critical issues facing christian men today registration is free for the church support network · free audio downloads · resource offers and discounts · monthly e-newsletter · men s ministry ideas promise keepers canada has developed a new easy to manage event for churches the men s summit is a 3 hour dvd based event with small group discussion questions teaching guide and videos from past conferences and the edge tv show perfect for a men s beakfast or a saturday evening for more info visit www.pkelevation.ca or call 1-888-901-9700 for information on how to bring this event to your church contact us at 1-888-901-9700 or info@promisekeepers.ca

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seven_issue_one_2008.qxd 5/5/08 11:36 am page 5 pk podium welcome by ron hannah greetings friends and welcome to the first issue of seven magazine it is certainly an honour privilege and pleasure for us at promise keepers canada to partner with christianweek to bring you this quality publication why seven if you look up seven in the oxford dictionary it simply says one more than six wow what a powerful description not really you would at least think it might say something like often considered to be a lucky number or number of days in week well it s not what oxford says that led us to the name for those familiar with god s word the number seven is often used as a sign of completeness there is not enough space allowed for this article for me to provide all the times seven is used in our bible suffice it to say that god created everything in six days as to oxford s point on that one more day he rested and all was complete the number seven is also very significant for promise keepers it references the seven promises of a promise keeper and also represents the seven pillars in our statement of faith as this issue coincides with the timing of father s day what better way to remind men of the seven promises that each of us should strongly consider employing in our lives 1 honour jesus christ 2 accountability 3 commitment to purity 4 building godly families 5 support the body of christ 6 unite in biblical unity and 7 a commitment to the great commandment and the great commission our calling at promise keepers is to ignite equip and unite men to learn these seven promises and to live them for more details on how promise keepers can best serve you please visit our website at www.promisekeepers.ca we live in challenging and often confusing times the world is changing in many ways and men need an accurate and reliable compass to navigate the rough waters that compass is god s word it is in and through his word that everyone can find truth and solid teaching that will provide reliable and safe passage in the roughest of seas while this magazine will be dedicated to educating entertaining and informing it is not meant to replace or be a substitute for your study of the scriptures instead it is our hope that the various articles and authors will draw you into the word to seek deeper understanding and direction in the areas that challenge us daily so whether you are a father or you are celebrating and honouring your father at this time of year let s first acknowledge our father who is in heaven and say may your kingdom come and may your will be done happy father s day ron hannah is president of promise keepers canada his passion is to serve god and challenge men to be followers of jesus christ before joining promise keepers in 1998 ron was a marketing manager for hershey foods and vice-president at duracell canada he and his wife joei reside in burlington ontario while his two sons daughter-in-laws and four grandchildren live in winnipeg manitoba seven ­ premier issue july-august 2008 page 05

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seven_issue_one_2008.qxd 5/5/08 11:36 am page 6 help wanted old girlfriends and reluctant grandpas by rod wilson an old girlfriend is looking for advice on her marriage difficulties should i help her the fact you are asking the should question is a good sign many people wander into these situations without awareness and it results in a mess but an old girlfriend describing a girlfriend as old could get you into trouble the first thing that needs to be affirmed about marriage is that it is a commitment of oneness your former girlfriend is in a relationship that needs to be guarded from any threats to oneness often getting re-involved with an old flame can rekindle sparks that will produce destructive fires this is particularly true when someone is vulnerable because of personal pain will her connection with you be a potential threat to her oneness and if you are married will unity with your wife be at risk it is not our responsibility to help everyone in every circumstance even jesus did not reach out to everyone and he had more capacity than any of us he passed people on the street did not visit certain towns and confined his work to a particular geographical location trying to meet everyone s needs can be overwhelming and in reality absolutely impossible there is no question that your former girlfriend has needs but is it your responsibility to meet her needs in these circumstances people want different responses affirmation emotional support encouragement identification or a shoulder to cry on your former girlfriend may want to connect with you because you were important to her while you cannot figure out all that she wants and needs it might be wise to suggest a good counsellor who can provide her the support she requires often referral is not seen as a viable form of help but it may be the wisest and best course of action demonstrate your support by withholding your help and referring her to someone else my father spends so much time working with his friends that he has no time for his grandkids how do i help my father see how much they need him there are interesting dynamics created when children have children now there are two sets of parents but only one set of parents who have children who have children no wonder it is bewildering when you are the parents of parents it is often confusing to know how to relate to your grandkids start by thinking about their perspective at times grandparents can feel that they are being abused while they want to spend time with their grandchildren in days of rising child care costs and dual-income families grandparents can see themselves as cheap help might this be the case with your father depending on their age some grandparents can find spending time with their grandchildren to be physically and emotionally draining this is not about love appreciation or time just depletion might this be the case with your father grandparents of retirement age often want to remain involved with friends projects and commitments of various sorts so that life has variety and fulfillment they want grandchildren to be part of their life but not all of their life might this be the case with your father take dad out for lunch and ask if any of these things are influencing his response to your children and tell him how you feel in the middle of it all don t lose hope you can take reassurance from the book of genesis the best book on families ever written there is not one well-functioning family in the whole book but god still seems able to work his purposes in spite of the challenges created by his people so when there is tension in the broader family with grandparents grandkids in-laws et al don t forget that as long as god is present there is hope could you use some help don t shy away from asking send your questions to dkoop@christianweek.org we will publish a selection of your questions and the answers offered by our well-experienced panel rod wilson is president of regent college in vancouver where he also serves as professor of counselling and psychology he is the author of how do i help a hurting friend practical help for leaders and laypeople bakerbooks 2006 seven ­ premier issue july-august 2008 page 06

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seven_issue_one_2008.qxd 5/5/08 3:12 pm page 7 advertorial

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seven_issue_one_2008.qxd 5/5/08 11:36 am page 8 pulse curiousities personalities ideas and information by robert white pulse editor old as eden two books oprah winfrey says you should read are filled with lies as old as eden from that tree you ll see what s really going on you ll be just like god knowing everything ranging all the way from good to evil genesis 3:4,5 the message the frightening part of this is the number of people including christians who are swallowing oprah s recommendations hook line and sinker the secret s sales soared after being an oprah book club selection and more than two million people have signed up for the weekly oprah-hosted new earth web event looks like the apostle paul was right you re going to find that there will be times when people will have no stomach for solid teaching but will fill up on spiritual junk food catchy opinions that tickle their fancy 2 timothy 4:3 christopher and in another offering she gives a humourous take on the mars/venus perspective on valentine s day the stories are short enough to be savoured in a single serving but filling enough to keep you soul warmed for a while just like sipping a mug of hot apple cider hot apple cider is available at chapters indigo and mitchell books and online at www hotapplecider.ca moms push for familyfriendly checkouts two mothers in abbotsford b.c want local grocery stores to set aside at least one checkout aisle free of sexually explicit magazine covers i had my seven-year-old son ask me what an orgasm was says shelly wielenga i ve had my child ask me `mommy what s naughty sex tricia kolsto told ctv british columbia kolsto also recalls her nine-year-old daughter trying to pronounce the words she saw on a magazine cover not realizing their sexual connotations kolsto and wielenga started abbotsford families united and launched a petition calling on stores to remove the magazines from at least one checkout aisle if they have 10 or 11 tills open why can t they give us one kolsto asked we just want a choice just like people have a choice to buy the magazines we want to have a choice not to look at them wielenga insists they re not trying to act like censors the magazines have the right to free speech she said but we want to protect the rights of our kids overwaitea food group spokesperson julie dickson told the province the company is testing the notion of family-friendly checkouts and is awaiting customer feedback before deciding whether to adopt such a policy the secret by rhonda byrne and a new earth awakening to your life s purpose by eckhart tolle pronounced toe-lee are a mishmash feel-good mixture of new age spirituality philosophy and pop psychology the most dangerous part is that both byrne and tolle quote scripture and use jesus as a shining example of their theories according to the book s dustcover the secret has been passed down through the ages highly coveted hidden lost stolen and bought for vast sums of money and what is this highly coveted pearl of wisdom the law of attraction like attracts like which operates via thoughts which are magnetic and have a frequency as you think those thoughts are sent out into the universe and they magnetically attract all like things that are on the same frequency everything sent out returns to the source and that source is you the new earth which has become oprah s new gospel shows us how [to transcend our ego-based state of consciousness and of these two authors tolle a contemporary spiritual teacher who isn t aligned with any particular religion or tradition is the more dangerous citing a lie as old as eden you do not become good by trying to be good but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge tolle s words eerily echo what the serpent told eve god knows that the moment you eat new anthology warms heart like hot apple cider have chicken soup for the golfer s soul sitting on your in your to-read pile you ll probably want to add hot apple cider to the stack this new collection of feature short stories devotional pieces poetry and memoirs was written by about 30 different canadian christian writers the 300-page anthology includes musician and writer carolyn arends tale of a surprising answer to a childhood prayer pastor mark buchanan your god is too safe and the rest of god recalling when god challenged him while mowing the lawn to look at people from a heavenly perspective sheila wray gregoire author of honey i don t have a headache tonight and to love honor and vacuum and a guest on the edge on good news sports writing a touching account of god helping she and her husband weather the storm after the death of their 29-day old son seven ­ premier issue july-august 2008 page 08

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seven_issue_one_2008.qxd 5/5/08 11:37 am page 9 husbands love your wives women in unhappy marriages are coming home from a busy day and instead of having time to unwind and relax and have a spouse picking up the load of setting the table getting dinner going signing forms for the kids these women may have to immediately launch back into another stressful routine clinical psychologist and doctoral student darby saxbe told london s daily telegraph perhaps in happily married couples the demands of domestic life are being shared more equitably between men and women bullies have trouble with relationships from the i knew that file bullies have trouble with relationships researchers from york university in toronto and queens university in kingston studied nearly 900 children from ages 10 to 18 asking them to report on how much they bully others they also asked about their relationship with parents and friends almost 10 per cent reported they had bullied others consistently throughout elementary and high school another 50 per cent said they took part in moderate levels of bullying the researchers discovered those who bullied tended to be aggressive had a weak moral compass and problems in their relationships with parents and friends they also spent a lot of time with other bullies they hope by understanding these patterns they ll be able to build better bullying prevention strategies by providing intensive and ongoing support starting in the elementary school years to this small group of youth who persistently bully it may be possible to promote healthy relationships and prevent their `career path of bullying that leads to numerous socialemotional and relationship problems in adolescence and adulthood says lead researcher debra pepler to succeed at work but fail at home is to fail completely we have a tendency to compartmentalize our families while we re at work but not our work while we re with our families our bodies are at home but our minds are still at work striking a right balance between work and family is a cornerstone of achieving a true happiness patrick morley read list reduce stress · pray · go to bed on time · get up on time so you can start the day unrushed · be willing to say no · delegate · simplify your life · less is more · don t overschedule · pace yourself · take one day at a time · distinguish worries from concerns · don t spend money you don t have · choose your words carefully · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · have fun nourish yourself spiritually eat properly get organized write down thoughts and inspirations find time to be alone be a friend memorize the bible laugh exercise regularly be forgiving be kind to unkind people talk less listen more don t try to do god s job remember your greatest ally seven ­ premier issue july-august 2008 page 09

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seven_issue_one_2008.qxd 5/5/08 11:37 am page 10 pulse canada faces change the face of canada is changing the latest census results show canada s ethnic makeup has grown from 25 different ethnic groups in 1901 to more than 200 recorded by the 2006 census at the turn of the 20th century the majority of canadians traced their roots to aboriginal ancestries and british and french origins now at the turn of the 21st century the list of ethnic origins has lengthened statistics canada uses the term ethnic origin to refer to the ethnic or cultural origins of an ancestor usually someone more distant than a grandparent hoping to attract outsiders with a modern church building try a cathedral instead unchurched americans prefer cathedral-style churches to contemporary church structures by a ratio of two to one according to a new survey conducted by lifeway research for the cornerstone knowledge network ckn the survey which included 1,684 unchurched adults gave participants a choice between four photos of different church exteriors with traditional and gothic options the most popular choices we may have been designing buildings based on what we think the unchurched would prefer says jim couchenour director of ckn while multi-use space is the most efficient we need to ask `are there ways to dress up that big rectangular box in ways that would be more appealing to the unchurched the 2006 census includes cultural groups associated with canada s aboriginal people north american indian métis and inuit european groups that first settled in canada such as the english french scottish and irish immigrants who came to canada over the past century such as german italian chinese ukrainian dutch polish east indian and so on and groups such as montserratan from the caribbean and chadian gabonese gambian and zambian from africa while more than 10 million people reported their ethnic ancestry as canadian 11 ethnic groups passed the one-million population mark the growth in ethnic groups also resulted in visible minorities passing the five-million mark making up 16.2 per cent of canada s total population and south asians 1.2 million or four per cent of canadians passed the chinese just over 1 million or 3.9 per cent to become the largest visible minority in canada spiritual kids happy kids a new study finds a spiritual child is a happy child researchers have long found between four and five per cent of an adult s happiness is linked to spirituality when mark holder associate professor of psychology at the university of british columbia okanagan in kelowna b.c tested 315 children aged nine to 12 he found between 6.5 to 16.5 per cent of their happiness is accounted for by spirituality from our perspective it s a whopping big effect says holder who s formed a research group nicknamed the happy lab to examine the biology psychology and assessment of happiness i expected it to be much less i thought their spirituality would be too immature to account for their well-being holder s research assistant judi wallace defines spirituality as having an inner belief system and cautions against confusing spirituality and religiosity which often more organized and may be church-based during the study the children were asked to describe their daily spiritual experiences private religious practices and whether they think of themselves as religious or spiritual by rating statements such as i feel a higher power s presence and answering questions including how often do you pray or meditate privately outside of church or other places of worship parents were also asked to describe each child s apparent happiness and spirituality and teachers rated each child s happiness level researchers have identified several possible reasons why spirituality and happiness are linked spirituality produces a sense of meaning it stimulates hope reinforces positive social norms and can provide a social support network all things that can improve a person s well-being spitzer apology missed the mark when new york governor eliot spitzer was linked to a prostitution ring in early march he made a public apology national post columnist marnie soupcoff was not impressed especially when spitzer said but i have disappointed and failed to live up to the standard i expected of myself i must now dedicate seven ­ premier issue july-august 2008 page 10

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seven_issue_one_2008.qxd 5/5/08 11:37 am page 11 some time to regain the trust of my family wrote soupcoff some time strange wording some time sounds like a few hours a day or two don t you think it s going to take more than that to win over loved ones who have been publicly humiliated and betrayed and i d submit that `to try to regain the trust of my family would have been a better way to put it this is an incredibly hurtful thing to have done i wouldn t just assume eventual forgiveness and trust that s something that will probably take a lot of effort and have to be earned it shouldn t be considered a given $6,000 today we are at i think dangerously high levels of debt and low levels of savings on a monthly basis says vanier institute executive director clarence lochhead and many people are going into debt not because they re looking for the big-screen television but because they re trying to keep up with daily expenses lochhead suggests most families facing sudden unemployment or illness would have a pretty minimal ability to absorb the shock it s a bit of speculation but i think some people are seeing their credit line as their rainyday fund he said there is a line and we can know it saskatchewan premier brad wall was quick to apologize in the provincial legislature for comments he made 17 years ago that were captured on video and broadcast to the world they were wrong in 1991 and they are wrong today he said wall had feigned a ukrainian accent to mock then-ndp leader roy romanow a son of ukrainian immigrants sometimes it s hard to know where you draw the line between what would be intolerant and what might be good-natured humour observed wall well i have some suggestions if you re not prepared to see your remarks on the six-o clock news they are probably wrong if you re not prepared to say it to the individual to their face they shouldn t be said i wouldn t have said these things to mr romanow directly so they should not have been said they were wrong they should not have been thought and maybe mr speaker shining down through the centuries there s even a clearer line for us who wonder where is this line it s the golden rule what are you willing to accept said of yourself or done to yourself in terms of what you should say or do to others that sinking feeling sinking in debt you re not alone in its ninth annual report on the current state of canadian family finances the ottawa-based vanier institute of the family concluded the average total debt per household is $80,000 since 1990 family debt has been rising seven times faster than household incomes now equal to a record 131 per cent of household incomes more families than ever are living well beyond their means despite low levels of unemployment modest wage gains and an 18 per cent increase in real net worth since 2000 due mostly to a strong real estate market the report estimated that in 2005 close to half of all families failed to make ends meet among canadians earning a net mid-range income of about $60,000 a year credit card debt almost doubled from $12,000 on average in 1990 to $22,500 according to the report at the same time family savings have dropped from about $7,000 per year in 1990 to about sermon leads to sport magazine two new sports magazines focus solely on canadian sports figures the ideas for canadian sports magazine and the canadian christian sports magazine came to publisher bob mckenna listening to a sermon that outlined the ills in contemporary sports i thought `what about what s good in sports says mckenna where can a guy go to hear about that the first issue rolled off the presses in february 2007 with a cover story on perennial good guy and unabashed christian michael pinball clemons former player head coach and now ceo of the toronto argonauts football team initially there was some overlap in the content of both magazines but with growth mckenna plans a separation between the stories appearing in them with the canadian christian sports magazine featuring christians involved in sports as well as being a good read mckenna s also offering magazine subscriptions as a wholesome fundraiser for minor sports programs and other cause-related organizations www.canadiansportsmagazine.com husbands go all out in your love for your wives exactly as christ did for the church a love marked by giving not getting ephesians 5 22 seven ­ premier issue july-august 2008 page 11

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seven_issue_one_2008.qxd 5/5/08 11:38 am page 12 reviews five reasons to pick up a book porn nation america s #1 addiction by michael leahy isbn:9780802481252 michael leahy knows through first hand experience that sexual impulses can quickly become compulsive and unhealthy easy access to pornography is making the problem incredibly widespread dragging countless men into activities that shame them deeply damages their souls and wreaks havoc in their closest relationships through personal anecdotes and scary statistics he paints a damning picture of a sex-sated society with countless individuals trapped in dysfunctional sexual habits but leahy doesn t stop with the bad news there are ways to move beyond destructive patterns there is healing there is hope anyone who picks this book up for the hot spots will be disappointed paragraphs bold page breaks bulleted lists men of a certain age will love it bent hope a street journal by tim huff isbn 9781894860369 good stories are usually not easy stories tim huff tells good stories and tells them very well these are very disturbing stories yes but also very inspiring they are about hurting people in twisted situations for sure but also very hopeful hope tim knows cannot be smothered by homelessness nor squelched by debilitating addictions humanity persists amidst the vilest of circumstances blessed are those able to perceive the traces of god in people whose lives are filled with fear whose bodies reflect the degradations of the hard streets blessed are those who care tim cares and his compassion is contagious stating the obvious even if does encourage readers to think outside the box but holmen isn t looking for shortcuts he communicates a long-range vision to nurture vitality in the family of god how women help men find god by david murrow isbn 9780785226321 the male of the species at least those of the north american variety seem to have more trouble with things spiritual than females now the guy who brought us why men hate going to church has written another book that aims to help those mostly women who want their men to discover and embrace a genuine faith he s full of how-to advice including a chapter on how to man up a worship services without driving women away and another on how to talk to men about god this includes a section called let him do the talking midlife manual for men finding significance in the second half by stephen arterburn and john shore isbn 9780764204234 this book promises to deliver answers to the kinds of questions men ask at midlife the authors insist that middle age after the roles of son husband provider and father are more or less learned can be the most fruitful time of a man s life they want middle-aged men to face forward and inhabit a future where god openheartedness integrity humility love and faith are core the book is full of specific practical tips and very easy to read big type short building faith at home by mark a holmen isbn 9780830745104 parents better not depend on church programs or professional clergy to instill vital christian faith in their children mark holmen who is a pastor firmly believes that the family home is the primary place where faith is nurtured so he wrote a book about it he starts by describing the practical problem of maintaining separate spheres for church and home some of it is there no longer seems to be much of a stigma attached to divorce it s now seen as an unavoidable rite of passage interviews with young adults suggest they want their initial marriage to last but aren t particularly optimistic about that possibility there s also evidence many young people are moving toward embracing the idea of serial marriage in which a person gets married two or three times seeking a different partner for each phase of their adult life american pollster george barna seven ­ premier issue july-august 2008 page 12

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seven_issue_one_2008.qxd 5/5/08 11:38 am page 13 parody ad control your risk did you know that more than seven canadians injured themselves playing electronic games last year todd fletcher injured his shoulder knocked out his son and threw the control device through his flat screen tv his insurance did not cover this costs damaged equipment $1,495 lost wages due to injury $763 hurt feelings priceless how much are you willing to risk call 1.800.frivolous to learn how you can have fun and avoid risk seven ­ premier issue july-august 2008 page 13

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seven_issue_one_2008.qxd 5/5/08 11:38 am page 14 it s pronounced beaut guys like in beauty seven ­ premier issue july-august 2008 page 14

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seven_issue_one_2008.qxd 5/5/08 2:16 pm page 15 rant hockey cheerleaders by al descheneau okay listen i love hockey i reeeeeally love hockey i love the sound of the puck hitting the end-boards the bone splintering crunches the smell of the arena the hot-dogs with not quite enough mustard wearing my jersey to the games and screaming myself hoarse about an off-side call the linesman got wrong even though i m in the 400 seats and he s on the ice but you know what bugs me hockey cheerleaders as a warm-blooded christian canadian male i have enough problems with keeping a covenant with my eyes without you taking away what used to be the last bastion of freedom from bouncing sparkly inadequately dressed young women it used to be that i could go to a hockey game and only have to worry about my anger issues gluttony and feeling guilty about not putting as much energy into my sunday morning as i do my saturday night but now we have hockey cheerleaders here s the thing i don t need a cheerleader i m a canadian male i don t need a glowing puck on my tv to know where it is and i don t need someone to prompt me when to cheer i know when to cheer i don t even need the clap or make some noise signs on the big-screens i know when to clap and make some noise and when to stand up when to jump when to spill my drink when to call the ref blind the goalie a god-send a defenseman a moron i know when to elbow the stranger beside me and when to mercilessly mock the guy in the opposing jersey three rows in front of me i ve got it covered all i really need is the bumboom-boom-boom rat-at-at-tat-da-daaaaa of my beloved hockey organ i mean seriously ladies aren t you cold you are aware this is a winter sport right played on ice now the sparkle paint i can understand it s reflective safety coating so the zamboni doesn t hit you but c mon the logo on your shirt is the size of a quarter yes thank you for the rocket and slingshot propelled sandwiches t-shirts and hot dogs truly i love anything wearable or edible that is propelled at me at high velocity from a gaspowered cannon the problem comes because i can t just avoid looking at you you re shooting things at me i have to look or i m liable to get a subway sandwich up my nose i know that society is changing and that sex sells but i m buying the ticket anyway hockey will always sell in canada i don t need the cheesecake to go with my one-timers glove saves and overtime wins maybe we can strike a compromise you keep coming and firing high-powered souvenirs and tasty treats at me but please do it with a jersey on instead of a tube top al descheneau is a pastor in ottawa he recently started a new men s ministry called caleb company that is demonstrating great potential for blessing and life-change seven ­ premier issue july-august 2008 page 15

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