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temper the warrior within conflict happens deal with it 14 ti-cats take on big task 22 bethlehem behind the wall 24 real men need more than the ufc 18 november ­ december 2008 newsstand price cdn $4.95

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unleashed unleashed discipleship training there is a growing crisis of integrity among canadian men our homes workplaces and even our churches are feeling the effect recent studies show that men make up less than 40 percent of adults in most churches and 20 to 25 percent of married churchgoing women attend without their husbands how did a movement that began with twelve men lose the interest of men promise keepers canada has created discipleship training unleashed to help men make a lasting impact in the lives of other men what is discipleship training unleashed fulfilling one of the greatest needs in the church today dtu is in-depth training for mature christian men on how to be effective mentors participants will receive 100 hours of discipleship training and emerge prepared to be mentors to the men around them to register or for information on how to bring this event to your community contact us at 1-888-901-9700 or info promisekeepers.ca www.pkelevation.ca mentoring men to leave no man behind equipping men to mentor men!

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contents november ­ december 2008 on the cover 18 designed to be warriors why mixed martial arts battles are so popular features 14 holy hotspots managing conflict in a conflicted world 20 shaken and stirred don ranney lives life on the edge once he tumbled off 22 the wrap on hamilton former steel salesman helps people put their lives together 24 bethlehem behind the barrier security barrier encircles the birthplace of christ publisher brian koldyk managing editor doug koop pulse editor robert white advertising account executives william leighton william@christianweek.org darrell friesen darrell@christianweek.org unless otherwise indicated neither christianweek nor promise keepers canada guarantee warrant or endorse any product program or service advertised editorial advisory board ron hannah promise keepers canada kirk giles promise keepers canada jeff stearns promise keepers canada phil wagler kingsfield sandra reimer reimer reason communications doug koop christianweek distributed by promise keepers canada 1295 north service road po box 40599 burlington on l7p 4w1 905 331-1830 subscriptions@promisekeepers.ca postmaster please send address changes to po box 40599 burlington on l7p 4w1 issn 1916-8403 cover indigo ink studios istockphoto.com columns departments 5 pk podium from good to disaster 6 help wanted fear of conflict wayward son ungodly influence 29 out of my depth fighting words 32 money matters what do fluctuating house prices mean for you 34 what women want 8-12 pulse curious events interesting people good ideas 13 reviews one good read recommends another 30 power play tools toys and technology 33 shape up take time to get fit editorial and advertising office 204-424 logan avenue winnipeg mb r3a 0r4 phone 204 982-2060 800 263-6695 admin@christianweek.org dkoop@christianweek.org design indigo ink studios www.indigoinkstudios.com fighting the good fight seven is a christian magazine for canadian men that exists to help men lead more fulfilling lives and leave enduring legacies the name reflects the seven promises that form the basis of the promise keepers organization which works with churches to minister to men across canada one ­ a promise keeper is committed to honouring jesus christ through worship prayer and obedience to god s word in the power of the holy spirit two ­ a promise keeper is committed to pursuing vital relationships with a few other men understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises three ­ a promise keeper is committed to practising spiritual moral ethical and sexual purity four ­ a promise keeper is committed to building strong marriages and families through love protection and biblical values five ­ a promise keeper is committed to supporting the mission of the church by honouring and praying for his pastor and by actively giving his time and resources six ­ a promise keeper is committed to reaching beyond any racial and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of biblical unity seven ­ a promise keeper is committed to influencing his world being obedient to the great commandment see mark 12:30-31 and the great commission see matt 28:19-20 seven ­ issue three november­december 2008 page 3

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want your own copy of seven magazine visit wisechoices.ca or call 1-888-901-9700

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pk podium from good to disaster creation was perfect then along came sin by ron hannah remember that story once upon a time or should i say in the beginning the perfect couple lived in an ideal environment and they experienced what true love and joy could be like when all they knew was good they experienced what it was like to be patient with each other to be kind understanding gentle and faithful every day was a true adventure of working together exploring together and treating each other with love respect and dignity but then disaster strikes dad had told them they could live this way forever as long as they listened to his wisdom and didn t get tricked into disobeying the warnings he had provided for them but in a moment of weakness and believing there might be even more to life than this perfect experience he d provided for them they made a bad choice the villain of our story wearing an innocuous disguise slyly deceived them into going against what their loving father had told them not to do the result evil entered their perfect world and with it came pride jealousy envy selfishness hatred and all the other elements that complete the recipe for sin now that evil had been invited into an environment that knew only good it created the ideal conditions for conflict to be born and flourish conflict is the result of two opposites clashing both struggling to have their way in this case it is the titanic struggle between good and evil both trying to dominate your life that leaves us with our choices and ultimately the choices we make determine our destiny this means that no matter where you are at work home playing sports or wherever you will be presented with areas of potential conflict human nature is going to want you to choose its way but dad in his wisdom is always going to be there to offer you the other choice he sent his son to defeat evil and after that victory was achieved he sent us his spirit as a counsellor for conflict resolution as we await the return of the original environment we still have to make choices you will know if you are making the right choices because the fruit of those choices will be to experience what the spirit is providing on the other hand you will know when you are making the wrong choices by experiencing the fruit of what our villain brought to the story choose wisely guided by his spirit knowing that the ideal environment will return once again and as promised the story ends with all of his children living happily ever after ron hannah is president of promise keepers canada his passion is to serve god and challenge men to be followers of jesus christ before joining promise keepers in 1998 ron was a marketing manager for hershey foods and vice-president at duracell canada he and his wife joei reside in burlington ontario while his two sons daughters-in-law and four grandchildren live in winnipeg manitoba seven ­ issue three november­december 2008 page 5

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help wanted fear of conflict wayward son ungodly influence by rod wilson one of the members of our church leadership team just quit his volunteer role because he does not feel comfortable with the pastor how do i help him see that he is just avoiding conflict quitting in order to avoid conflict is alive and well in church life and it is not easy to resolve this situation may require you to buy your friend a lunch and chat about a few issues around conflict the research on conflict typically describes five styles for resolving it competing collaborating compromising accommodating and avoiding all of us have a style and it usually develops as a result of some of combination of our family of origin significant experiences personal preferences or firm conviction it is difficult to talk someone out of his conflict resolution style because it is deeply embedded those who quit something to avoid conflict are usually telling us implicitly that conflict is threatening frightening and challenging they are pursuing a safe and easy position because entering into the conflict will be overwhelming as we watch this happen it is important to not just criticize them for avoiding conflict but also to understand that they are reaching for safety because they are afraid even if they have trouble admitting it often individuals who leave church roles because of conflict have lost sight of the common good instead of asking what is best for the church they are more occupied with their own fears sometimes we need to encourage people to not just go on autopilot pursuing the conflict resolution style that comes most naturally but to step out and go against their typical style and do what is best for all not only do churches need this in their volunteer leaders but the paid staff need that kind of integrity as well too many people are letting their pastor know they are uncomfortable by leaving a position or worse yet by leaving the church my 15-year-old son told me he has been sexually intimate with his girlfriend how can i make him understand how wrong this is and the danger he is in it brings me great comfort to know that god the father goes through this problem on a daily basis how can you make your children do what is right and why do they mess up so regularly what makes this situation wrong for you that question might make you feel frustrated because you are more interested in asking him questions than asking any of yourself but this is an important issue is he embarrassing you by what he is doing are you seeing this behaviour as a reflection of bad parenting and thus you are holding yourself somehow responsible are you worried his girlfriend will get pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted disease or do you believe he is violating god s desire while we do not get excited when our children tell us these kinds of things horizontal confession is not only a good start toward right living it is also an indication that the relationship between the parent and the teen allows for this kind of transparency having an open relationship does not always guarantee peace and tranquility but it is a lot better than deceit if your son s attitude is contrite and repentant for you to grant forgiveness and grace puts you in step with god the father while he knows we sin and fall short on a regular basis he consistently displays a character of mercy parents who soak themselves in god s grace and mercy for their own lives are able to be the conduit for these qualities in the lives of their children constantly trusting that there will be a long term impact but what do i as a parent do when the behaviour persists and nothing i say brings any change those of us who have lived that experience have a short answer cry for mercy i am in my second marriage and share custody of my children with their nonchristian mom how do i help my kids grow to follow jesus when they are surrounded with the opposite message while with their mom all of us whether parenting alone with a spouse who is present or with a spouse who is absent need to remember that children are a gift from god and not a personal possession while this does not reduce our conscientiousness and care for our children it helps us realize that our children are in his hands and he loves them and cares for them ultimately any human care is of much less significance than the care that god provides our biggest influence on others is usually found in our lifestyle not our words the bible describes it beautifully when it says those who live their lives with integrity make the teaching about god our saviour attractive titus 2:10 christian parents who live with integrity will have an impact in the lives of children sometimes immediately but often in the future if you believe that truth ultimately will win over evil and if you believe that a christian environment has the capacity to move people toward a right and righteous life then there is no need to be insecure about the presence of a non-christian environment when you send your children to school allow them to play with friends and send them to their mom s house you do it with the conviction that it is not inevitable that error will negate what is right often in these situations it is good to pray not just for the protection of the children from their non-christian mom but for the influence of the children in a setting that is spiritually challenging rod wilson is president of regent college in vancouver where he also serves as professor of counselling and psychology he is the author of how do i help a hurting friend practical help for leaders and laypeople bakerbooks 2006 could you use some help don t shy away from asking send your questions to dkoop@christianweek.org seven ­ issue three november­december 2008 page 6

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canada s keeper e p ro miss visit www.promisekeepers.ca for promise keepers clothing men s ministry resources great books and event recordings www.promisekeepers.ca

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pulse curiousities personalities ideas information by robert white pulse editor chaos breaks on the dark knight during one of the final scenes of the dark knight the latest movie in the batman franchise batman played by christian bale explains the joker s motives to one of the film s main characters he wanted to prove that even someone as good as you could fall the question of who s good who s bad and how the two are defined is the movie s main theme but how that plays out and who s who seems to change from one scene to the next the dark knight isn t the adam west or even the michael keaton/george clooney hero some of us grew up with starting with batman begins the films have become darker much closer to the vigilante batman bob kane created in the early dc comics of the 1940s as commissioner gordon gary oldman says at the end of the film batman is the hero gotham deserves not the one it needs right now he s a silent guardian a watchful protector a dark knight the plot seems simple batman s spent a year secretly working with the gotham city police department cleaning up crime newly-elected district attorney harvey dent aaron eckhart is brought in as the white knight ready to charge literally and figuratively the crime bosses and clean up the city for good then the joker heath ledger a psychotic criminal who sees the only sensible way to live in this world is without rules is added to this explosive mix batman is faced with a villain he can t understand or reason with as his faithful butler alfred michael caine points out some men aren t looking for anything logical some men just want to watch the world burn as the joker plays gotham descends into chaos he pushes people including dent batman and gordon to make choices for which there s more than one right or wrong answer this pushes them toward a madness where each races to the edge some fall or fly off fulfilling dent s prophetic words that some are destined to either die a hero or live long enough to see themselves become the villain others find the strength to pull back just before they go over the edge it s anarchy the joker wants and anarchy he almost gets in the exchange batman has mentioned earlier the bitter response was and he was right which leads to a question that lingers long after the film is over if the good like batman dent and gordon almost or do descend into darkness can anyone because as the joker says madness as you know is like gravity all it takes is a little push the filmmakers left an opening for a sequel although the question of whether the joker will return still needs to be answered because of ledger s untimely death and there seems to be a glimmer of hope to the lingering questions in batman s words sometimes people deserve more sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded canadian forces abroad including the nearly 2,500 in afghanistan paul beckingham chaplain for the british columbia regiment duke of connaught s own a reserve unit from vancouver suggests care packages while leonard blackmore whose son tim just finished his first six-month deployment in kandahar suggests cards and letters remember soldiers with care packages cards or hockey jerseys on remembrance day a time canadians remember those who died serving their country set some time aside to remember the 8,000 men and women serving with the let them know you care says blackmore whose own 26 years in the canadian forces began with the rcaf and ended at calgary s southern alberta institute of technology as the university liaison officer tim who usually works in a recruiting office went to afghanistan as part of the kandahar reconstruction unit s support staff blackmore says the cards and letters can be a real encouragement while they re there beckingham says care packages can contain everything from gatoradetype crystals for rehydration hand cream pocket-size packs of tissues portable games books and magazines and reminders of home like photos and postcards of canada boredom is a big thing says beckingham they could be waiting for action for days it s like the airline pilot who described his job as 99 per cent boredom and one per cent sheer terror port perry s jane twohey uses signed hockey jerseys to show support for the men and women serving in afghanistan the original goal was to send two teams of jerseys one red one white says twohey seven ­ issue three november­december 2008 page 8

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she eventually connected with and gave a jersey to former chief of defense staff rick hillier who then arranged to get 52 to kandahar which were handed out as draw prizes on canada day twohey says she s sent 90 jerseys to afghanistan as word has spread others started buying jerseys getting them signed locally and sending them to the troops twohey suggests people find a local hero and send it to them money raised from the sales goes to either the wounded warrior fund or the canadian hero fund which funds the post-secondary education of children who have had a parent killed in service for details on sending care packages or messages check http www.dnd.ca /site/community/messageboard/index e.asp and for twohey s program check http www.teamredtakeastand.com home.html more men becoming stay-at-home dads more men are becoming stay-at-home dads after taking a paternity leave just how many is difficult to gauge but statistics canada suggests 10 per cent of fathers who take leave after a child s birth or adoption don t return to work this doesn t include men who decide to work part-time or who quit working without taking a leave first academics have different opinions about this development some scholars believe the trend points to growing equality in the labour market others suggest stay-at-home dads point to the deconstruction of gender roles and some say stay-at-home dads are actually mothering academic theories are meaningless and trivial to parents who are busy with routines like those of the mason household when lance mason was laid-off for a second time from a job in the volatile hi-tech sector he and his wife decided he d stay home to maintain a stable nurturing and dependable environment for the couple s two children it s almost like being a ceo of a company you have limited time and you re trying to figure out where you should selectively spend that time says mason who hasn t been to the office in five years canadian parents are thinking about their kids not gender deconstruction or feminist theory a gpc research poll commissioned by the institute of marriage and family canada in the spring of 2006 found more than 80 per cent of canadians prefer to have a parent at home statistics canada reports 81 per cent of parents who return to work after parental leave would stay off longer if they could afford it even if fathers aren t staying home more canadian men are using the federal parental benefits program that increased shared paid benefit weeks from 10 to 35 weeks in 2001 there was a 17 per cent increase in the use of benefits by fathers between 2000 and 2006 a majority take time off around the birth of a child and some even take unpaid leave or use vacation time a number of studies show children want to spend more time with their parents time playing with fathers contributes to cognitive development and social competence and a study of children whose fathers accounted for 40 per cent or more of their care found these children were smarter mastered environments better and were more empathetic i don t know at the end of day how this will come out in my kids lives says mason but i feel like they re growing up in a stable environment where they can come home from school or during the summer time that there s always someone a member of the family there reprinted with permission of the institute of marriage and family canada treat people like plants authors have used sharks samurai and guerrillas as images to teach leadership emmanuel bible college president derrick mueller has dug up a new one the amaryllis bulb mueller who s on sabbatical to promote the amaryllis way unearthed the principle planting tulips in his garden i realized if i treated people like plants different plants need different soils to grow they bloom differently if i treated people individually they d grow says mueller he thought about using the tulip image until someone pointed him to an amaryllis bulb they re like a big softball and when it grows it s just one big green stem until all of a sudden four trumpet flowers come out mueller grafted the amaryllis imagery into his 15 years of experience as an organizational leader and business consultant to create the amaryllis way the new parable-based book similar to ken blanchard s the one minute manager and jim brown s the imperfect board member answers the question how do you develop people who are growing the gardening motif illustrates mueller s eight principles picture plan plough plan protect prune pollinate and propagate depicting various gardening methods while condensing a textbook full of leadership theory into eight words mueller has already taught these ideas to police officers librarians and human resource professionals for the last four years continues page 10 seven ­ issue three november­december 2008 page 9

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pulse one company a call centre in kingston prides itself on being an amaryllis company written from a christian worldview but not written as a christian book the amaryllis way can also be used as soft core evangelism says mueller it s designed to be a ministry in the workplace where christian businessmen can promote biblical values for more on the amaryllis way check wwww.theamarylisway.com stalking the elusive christmas gift by 8:55 p.m on december 24 most men with wives or girlfriends fall into one of two camps those frantically searching for a christmas gift card and wrapping paper among empty store shelves or those who already bought wrapped and placed these gifts under the tree and are sitting by the fireplace in their easy chair sipping a nice mug of egg nog by nature men don t shop they hunt for either pleasure or necessity pleasure hunters can be seen in empty shopping malls or department stores in early november with a list in hand proudly bearing down on the perfect gift hunters of necessity are found in empty coffee shops at 10 p.m christmas eve hoping the matching travel and coffee mug set isn t the same one bought the year before whether hunting for pleasure or necessity here are some christmas shopping tips if your game is a new dress or sweater know this about your prey the proper size colour and style this may require covert action like paying attention to what your loved one has worn in the last month and/or sneaking into her closet to look at the size tag if she has removed this so she won t be reminded of their size you re sunk never ever ever under any circumstance ask her about her size unless you re prepared to accept the inevitable emotional meltdown if it s shiny has a motor and makes vroom vroom noises while you may find it the perfect gift for yourself you probably shouldn t buy it either for yourself or her however dropping gift hints around your loved one is perfectly acceptable if it s silver gold or platinum comes with a chain or shiny jewel is placed on a finger wrist in an ear or around a neck and costs twice your yearly salary it will probably result in tears of happiness when she unwraps it and tears of sorrow when you pay the bill and unless your wife/girlfriend has a library the size of the library and archives of canada a book is the last thing you want to buy that is unless she s been talking about oprah s book club pick for the last month and never ever buy her a cookbook unless you re prepared to eat at mcdonald s for the next month only as a last resort or unless she is truly a woman who has everything buy a gift card if you have to do this make sure it s from a store your wife shops at regularly and not the mega-hardware store that has the shiny thing with the motor that goes vroom vroom happy hunting the biggest challenge in christendom has to do with the word of god and the use of the word of god it s quite possible to say all the right and proper things about the bible and not to be really immersed in it on a daily basis so that it really shapes one s thinking and temperament lutheran church-canada president robert bugbee genius club lacks acting genius now that cloud ten pictures has settled a lawsuit with left behind series author tim lahaye it s started making and releasing films again lahaye sued cloud ten after the first left behind movie was released claiming it wasn t the $40-million movie he was promised and that they changed the distribution arrangements the agreement ends all the disputes and gives lahaye a chance to make a left behind film in his image by a specific deadline or the rights revert back to cloud ten which may make a fourth film based on the 16book series the genius club is one of the first new dvds cloud ten has released stephen baldwin the usual suspects and tricia helfer battlestar galactica star as two of seven of the world s most brilliant minds all with iqs over 200 each is pulled from their daily life baldwin as a pizza delivery man and challenged by an international terrorist to stop a nuclear explosion by solving the world s problems in one night the film s great dialogue has the seven geniuses trying to answer the villain s tom sizemore of blackhawk down questions seven ­ issue three november­december 2008 page 10

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and come up with the bomb s three-word password in what could have been a septet of talking heads writer/director tim chey keeps the action moving between the team defusing the bomb and the geniuses decoding armand s puzzle but that s the problem with the genius club while chey produces a tightly-written script which will give the viewer lots to think about once the dvd player has stopped he fails to produce as tightly-acted a film each of the geniuses has an interesting backstory which affects their answers to armand s questions but their acting doesn t draw in the viewer enough to care about them and whether or not they save the world still the genius club is worth watching armand s questions are the questions of eternity and those many ask especially the three-word password which in the end becomes a much larger bomb than the one armand threatened to explode years for more about the documentary go to http www.nailinittothechurch.com connect marriage work for more effective workplace a popular business book in the 1970s and 1980s was what they don t teach you at harvard business school whether at harvard ivey or schulich you ll find almost no information about the effects of marriage on business success or the growth or decline of the stock market business schools have bought into the systematic secularization of everything financial and isolated balance sheets from balanced lifestyles even christians have endorsed the separation of work and family which has weakened both your marriage matters to god as you take part in the 9 to 5 window the obvious conclusion of god s design and purpose is that for the christian an intimate marriage relationship is important to him and to his kingdom work our work is to love our spouse as we re loved by christ and work in the office or the plant in a way that honours the marriage relationship of all associates customers and employees this mystery has eternal significance and can t be ignored by those who want to honour god at work or who expect god to bless their business god will ask the question so how s your marriage how are you growing in your love life at home a harmonious love relationship with god and with your spouse produces some pretty special fruit it isn t a stretch of the imagination to conclude a ceo or employee is in a better position to lead or to work when they have peace of mind and a contented spirit it s also reasonable to assume conflict frustration or dissatisfaction at home will affect a dvd nails it to the church when does religious satire stop being funny and become mean vancouver s murray stiller traveled 20,000 kilometres in planes trains and automobiles to answer that question in the new dvd nailin it to the church the documentary the first for the veteran film editor and sound designer began as a thesis proposal when stiller proposed the idea of a biting religious satire for a regent college course they told him it was too cynical and mean why not do a documentary about why religious satire is cynical and mean stiller asked himself and birthed the project starting with a broad focus stiller wanted to find the grey line between when religious satire goes from being socially redemptive and when it becomes destructive research led from the origins of the greek and roman satirists to gentle self-reflective satirists like garrison keillor prairie home companion and stuart mclean cbc s vinyl café and harsh biting satirists like bill maher politically incorrect and real time with bill maher and the late george carlin the focus narrowed on the wittenburg door a satirical magazine that s skewered sacred cows since the early 1970s the people at the wittenburg door were the first i thought of as the kid of a youth minister and grandson of a pentecostal preacher the wittenburg door was regularly found in the stack of reading material under our coffee table i read it right alongside my mad magazine recalls stiller in the end nailin it to the church looks at who can and can t satirize the church along with what should or shouldn t be a target of satire stiller wants viewers to think critically about what s being satirized the questions about the meaning of faith and practising what we preach nailin it to the church debuts at the dallas video festival in november stiller then plans to take it to festivals across canada and the u.s over the next few seven ­ issue three november­december 2008 page 11

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pulse man or woman s performance at work ed silvoso a popular speaker and author who deals extensively with marriage and the workplace claims better intimacy in the bedroom produces better productivity in the boardroom a healthy marriage reduces stress eliminates most other gender attractions and contributes to innovative and creative work habits it guarantees nothing but establishes a great foundation for success in the complex world of the work place gerry organ is the director of national initiatives for onewayministries a version of this originally appeared in business life spring 2008 post-rapture pet care from the can you believe this files a company in the u.s is offering to take care of your pets after you ve been raptured listed on www.craigslist.org an online classified ad service the ad was flagged in craigslist s best of in a note to those who d flag it as a scam the advertiser wrote over half the united states is concerned about what will happen to their pets after the rapture please respect their faith and allow this service to remain posted just as the waste removal and grooming posts remain posted does it matter if people trust you at work a study by watson wyatt worldwide shows shareholder returns were 42 per cent higher in companies where employees trusted top executives but only half of the employees surveyed trusted their senior managers author explores genesis 1 `without any animosity in his latest book canadian-born author sigmund brouwer tackles creation inspired by a question from his daughter savannah brouwer wrote who made the moon in it a father explores how faith and science agree for those who have doubts about their faith because of what science appears to be telling them in contradiction to genesis 1 brouwer whose books include the novels broken angel and fuse of armageddon says he runs into many people who have difficulty accepting the rest of the bible because they can t see genesis as a true account of creation who made the moon addresses issues such as the debate on whether the word day in genesis is a literal 24-hour period that doesn t allow for any other understanding of the meaning what i m really hoping is that this allows us the room to open the door to discuss genesis 1 without any animosity he said as parents we can agree to not be threatened by any discussion that takes us away from a 24-hour day of creation and we can look at genesis from a few different perspectives for a small deposit of only $50 us you can be assured that your pets will be well cared for from the time you re raptured until the end of their natural life reads the ad they ll get adequate food water and shelter as well as plenty of exercise and socialization as i d imagine there will be a lot of pets abandoned that will need to be cared for there s no fear the service will disappear with the rapture unless the owner has a conversion experience as an atheist i ll surely still be here on this earth post-rapture and would love to look after your pets and make sure they re still well taken care of after you and your family have been raptured you ll be able to look down on them from heaven and see them being well cared for by me and living happy healthy lives don t let my atheism scare you i m a moral and loving pet owner and would never do harm to any animal it s ok for men to get in each other s faces and to challenge each other in the new testament conflict is fine but division is wrong they re not one and the same what we ve done is `girlified christianity so the big emphasis is on peace getting along and being kind and sweet evangelical churches today are debating tough issues but the minute argument starts people s knees start shaking but if you look at the new testament they wrestled over issues it s true we should be at peace but we should be able to get in each other s faces and challenge each other we don t have to agree about everything it s ok to debate things mark gungor author of laugh your way to a better marriage and senior pastor of celebration church in green bay wisconsin get seven delivered to your home sign up at www.wisechoices.ca churches can purchase bulk quantities by calling 1 888 901 9700 seven ­ issue three november­december 2008 page 12

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reviews coffee conflict and other delights of life god built shaped by god in the bad and good of life by steve farrar steve farrar is no stranger to promise keepers he speaks and writes with a blunt understanding of men s strengths and foibles and a straightforward presentation of christian truths god built is an extended examination of the fascinating life of joseph a biblical character whose life had more ups and downs than a yo-yo he knew extreme failure and great success abject betrayal and incredible good fortune using plenty of football illustrations farrar extracts principles from joseph s experience and applies them to the familiar terrain of the average north american male his main point god is in control regardless of how bad things might seem stick with the game plan which is godly integrity in everyday life aggressively pursing their own interests with little or no regard to others those who make peace aim to resolve clashes by looking for solutions that create real justice and authentic harmony how do you know when it s best to overlook something and when to take a forthright stand what do you do with unreasonable people sande has sound advice for these and countless other questions about the hard realities of human conflict the master carpenter devotions for woodworkers by hugh poland talk about specialty tools a whole book of christian devotions crafted especially for woodworkers this comes from the same author who we re told scored a homerun with his first book steal away devotions for baseball fans carpentry provides plenty of bits and pieces for life analogies and biblical insights from plans to tools to materials to finishing poland finds ways to hammer home a point about christian living three short pages about importance of having the right tool for the right job and being the right man in the right place concludes you are a tool in god s hands in your local church are you the right tool in the right toolbox ready to be used for the right task of business and counselling positions before taking his current job as a pastor on vancouver island he knows about doubt he knows about depression he knows about longing for something better he knows about the ongoing search for meaning and he knows a few things about finding as well cox is a pilgrim inviting others to join him on a journey to discover the delights of god s ways in the world when god goes to starbucks a guide to everyday apologetics by paul copan this is a good book for people who like to win arguments copan brings a wealth of research and reasoning to bear on a host of common objections to a christian worldview he addresses for example questions like what s wrong with gay marriage and don t people from all religions experience god he also deals with perceived problems with christianity itself how can the psalmists say such vindictive hateful things and why are christians so divided there s a lot of information here some will find it helpful to build wisdom and understanding others will use it to bolster arguments we need gracious respectful relationships with our peers says copan it is god s spirit in the end that will awaken convict and provoke not us may it be so the peacemaker handling conflict without fighting back or running away by ken sande and kevin johnson no matter who we are or where we live we will end up at loggerheads with somebody about something that s the way life is learning to respond well to conflict is an important skill and the authors do a good job of explaining how sande understands that human beings deal with conflict in three main ways some fake peace escaping the discomfort by pasting on a smile and shrugging it off others break peace googling god searching for a faith you can believe in by john cox join john cox on his lifelong search for a credible god he is a personable guide who grew up in south africa studied in england and canada and worked in a variety seven ­ issue three november­december 2008 page 13

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features holy hostility batman they re really out to get us so might the dialogue have developed between robin and the caped crusader in the lingo of the original batman tv series it would have occurred while ducking punches and chairs thrown by villainous henchmen heroes and superheroes though are not alone in facing conflict those of us who don t don masks and tights experience it on a regular basis even if the opponents we face are not evil personified like the joker from the dark knight nor are the stakes we play for quite so high we all however must learn to handle conflict effectively if we are to experience healthy relationships and enjoy life to its fullest conflict occurs in every arena of life indigo ink studios istockphoto.com not just those where sports are played we encounter it at work at home and with our neighbours growing up in suburban montreal i remember being terrified by my family s next-door neighbour mr c he was a grey-haired man with a george hamilton tan and terrycloth golf shirts who was the scourge of the neighbourhood if a frisbee or baseball landed behind the hedges guarding his property it was usually never seen again if we ever dared a search and rescue of the missing projectile it was taken on with the stealth and purpose of navy seals i know my father viewed conversations with mr c as a real cross to bear on one occasion i heard my father set aside his usual patient stance to tell him he was sick of his constant carping it was a delight to my young ears even better on a sunday afternoon while family friends from church were enjoying lunch on our patio mr c intruded on our gathering to deliver his latest list of complaints it was amazing to watch the transformation of mr c s disgruntled face as one of our guests greeted him by his first name he stammered a rare polite hello and quickly left as it happened our family friend was a direct superior of mr c s at his workplace our neighbourly conflict was substantially reduced after that encounter if you re not friends with your quarrelsome neighbour s boss however what s a man to do seven ­ issue three november­december 2008 page 14

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ts po ots ymhnag ol a ing con h flict in a by bruce soderholm love thy neighbour as thyself conflict between neighbours has been around as long as there have been people to live beside if it s not the noise from the flamenco dancers in the apartment above that drives you to distraction it will be the back-to-the-jungle lawn next door that lowers your property value it may be comforting for the average joe to know that even celebrities are not immune madonna was made to trim her hedges by court order in 1992 while sean connery shaken and stirred was ordered by a new york judge to settle differences with his downstairs neighbour one of the best-known neighbour conflicts on this continent was the hatfield-mccoy feud fought on the kentucky-west virginia border between 1880 and 1891 by the time the smoke cleared and the graves were dug more than a dozen people from both families had been killed while this is an obvious extreme it does underscore the importance of managing conflict in its initial stages before it spirals out of control when push comes to shove between neighbours the typical interventions are likely to involve complaints to police civil litigation and eventually court orders in these internet savvy days neighbours may even be publicly shamed on rottenneighbors.com recently though conflic ted world more conflicts are being resolved with the use of mediation involving a trained third party to manage a dispute typically results in greater success because rather than focusing on the blame game or obtaining a court-ordered judgment the two parties are brought together and lines of communication are opened since most disputes aren t black and white it is the open dialogue that helps the two parties come to agreement it is rare to find a conflict where both parties haven t contributed to the problem and if each party can take some ownership of the issue a middle ground is easier to reach according to keith regehr a professional mediator who has extensive experience in conflict resolution with families workplaces and churches mediation is not necessarily a high growth industry when a marriage is breaking up says regehr how many people say `i m going to call my mediator not many they re going to call their lawyer nevertheless with the prohibitive expense of engaging lawyers litigating and making court appearances many more families in conflict are taking advantage of what mediation has to offer according to lou coppola an experienced mediator in niagara region the benefits of mediation may even transcend the financial gain coppola notes that on a few occasions divorcing couples who use mediation to minimize the fallout for their kids and who ve worked really hard at co-parenting look at each other and say `you know what why are we not together and they reconcile face the inevitable as a baseline the most important thing to recognize is that in life conflict is inevitable it s not a question of what you should do if conflict arises it will it s what you will do when it arrives that counts conflict occurs when there is opposition or perceived opposition to our individual needs values and interests since we live in a fallen world and are predisposed towards looking out for our best interests we are likely to see others claims on our lives e.g bosses spouses children as conflicting with our own goals and desires author robert bacal differentiates between two different types of interpersonal conflicts personalized and substantive the first of these is often referred to as a personality conflict this type is fuelled primarily by emotion and perceptions about another s personality character and motives this is the guy at work who just rubs you the wrong way continues on page 16 seven ­ issue three november­december 2008 page 15

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