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july ­ august 2010 newsstand price cdn $4.95 the tech issue

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walking with you the king s men study guides walking with the master shoulder to shoulder the king s men is a series of discussions studies and activities that will engage men in a life of freedom risk sacrifice and significance mission to ignite and equip men to become fully devoted followers of jesus christ ­ resulting in homes churches workplaces communities and nations impacted and shaped by the grace of god through the lives of men using the 7 promises of a promise keeper men will journey through the life of jesus and discover how he prepared his followers to be men the world would describe as those who turned the world upside down acts 17:6 these small group resources will help you and your men s group continue where the conference left off visit www.promisekeepers.ca promise keepers canada can do for you and your church discipleship training unleashed a weekend retreat where you can experience in-depth training to discover how to become a better equipped godly man for more information on what resources sent to your home seven magazine men of integrity devotional and world class speakers relevant biblical resources for your daily walk.

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contents july august 2010 on the cover 14­24 the tech issue real life ethics in a virtual world seven examines some of the upsides and downsides of life in our wired and wireless world publisher brian koldyk managing editor doug koop pulse editor robert white advertising account executives features 14 world of warcraft widows enjoy games without sacrificing real relationships 18 mobile mischief in the making guidance for parents who want their children to be tech-savvy and tech-wise 21 facebook friends and follies social media is here to stay keep it in its place 22 real life ethics in a virtual world does what happens in halo stay in halo 24 cyprian s choice techie purges prime collection william leighton william@christianweek.org darrell friesen darrell@christianweek.org jim hicks jhicks@christianweek.org unless otherwise indicated neither christianweek nor promise keepers canada guarantee warrant or endorse any product program or service advertised editorial advisory board kirk giles promise keepers canada jeff stearns promise keepers canada phil wagler kingsfield zurich mc sandra reimer reimer reason communications doug koop christianweek distributed by promise keepers canada 1295 north service road po box 40599 burlington on l7p 4w1 905 331-1830 subscriptions@promisekeepers.ca postmaster please send address changes to po box 40599 burlington on l7p 4w1 issn 1916-8403 cover istockphoto base images icon set columns 5 pk podium master your own domains 6 help wanted bring on the boundaries 26 money matters ensuring your assets endure 27 out of my depth the tech of the amish 30 what women want face to face side by side departments 8-12 pulse curious events interesting people good ideas 13 reviews simplicity plans and freedom 28 power play tools toys technology editorial and advertising office 204-424 logan avenue winnipeg mb r3a 0r4 phone 204 982-2060 800 263-6695 admin@christianweek.org dkoop@christianweek.org design indigo ink studios www.indigoinkstudios.com seven is a christian magazine for canadian men that exists to help men lead more fulfilling lives and leave enduring legacies the name reflects the seven promises that form the basis of the promise keepers organization which works with churches to minister to men across canada one ­ a promise keeper is committed to honouring jesus christ through worship prayer and obedience to god s word in the power of the holy spirit two ­ a promise keeper is committed to pursuing vital relationships with a few other men understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises three ­ a promise keeper is committed to practising spiritual moral ethical and sexual purity four ­ a promise keeper is committed to building strong marriages and families through love protection and biblical values five ­ a promise keeper is committed to supporting the mission of the church by honouring and praying for his pastor and by actively giving his time and resources six ­ a promise keeper is committed to reaching beyond any racial and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of biblical unity seven ­ a promise keeper is committed to influencing his world being obedient to the great commandment see mark 12:30-31 and the great commission see matt 28:19-20 seven ­ issue thirteen july­august 2010 page 3

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pk podium master your own domains there is so much more to life than blackberrys and ipads by kirk giles on april 3 the latest toy was released for the world to enjoy people stood in line for hours and hundreds of thousands of units have been sold it is somewhat fascinating to consider the lengths some people will go to obtain a square screen that you can push buttons on otherwise known as the ipad technology impacts our lives every day and to be honest some technology is just plain fun i enjoy my xbox 360 my computer tv and even my blackberry at times it is amazing to consider how medical technology helps people heal so much faster than they ever did before or how internet technology allows me to communicate with my family so easily while i am travelling the fact that you are reading this magazine is due in part to the advance of technology obviously there are dangers to technology while we need to be aware of those dangers and understand how to deal with them these dangers should not impede the positive uses for technology perhaps the greatest danger with technology is when the technology starts to control you several years ago there was a major electrical blackout that affected a large portion of ontario and the eastern united states for several days i had to go without the use of my e-mail computer or tv some people imagine this to be like heaven on earth i felt disconnected and frustrated i was shocked at how dependent i had become on technology then something mysterious happened i sat outside one night and for the first time in a long time i could see all of the stars light up the sky there was no light pollution to block my view i sat next to my kids and just stared and admired the beauty of god s creation in that moment i realized how much my own reliance on technology had separated me from enjoying god and his beautiful handiwork in 1 corinthians 6:12 we read everything is permissible for me but not everything is beneficial `everything is permissible for me but i will not be mastered by anything i will not be mastered by anything i am so grateful for technology it allows us to communicate the message of jesus to thousands of men every year technology has allowed me the opportunity to build and keep great memories with my family however make sure that you are not mastered by technology i want to challenge you to consider a fast from technology to see if it has control over your life take the time to reconnect with family or enjoy god s creation in my case i was forced to fast from it and i am so grateful for that don t wait until a major blackout occurs to rediscover that there is so much more to life than all those cool apps on the ipad kirk giles is president of promise keepers canada he and shannon have been married for 15 years they are the parents of four children ages 7-14 seven ­ issue thirteen july­august 2010 page 5

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help wanted plugged-in world creates tough questions how do we best navigate a wireless minefield by rod wilson my company wants me to start carrying a blackberry i am worried that this will negatively affect my personal time and lead to them expecting me to jump 24 hours a day how do i set reasonable boundaries and keep my job the world of technology has put us in a position where we need to make decisions that were not even on the table 10 years ago some people still speak against technology and refuse to use these new gadgets many of us are in situations where blackberrys and the like are a requirement of our employment we have a responsibility to our employer to carry out our responsibilities with integrity and to be respectful and responsive to those who are in authority over us barring situations where we are asked to engage in behaviours that are immoral or unethical a request to carry a blackberry is appropriate and should be respected some workplaces take seriously the personal life of their employees and do not expect a 24-7 mindset when this is not the case there are two options speak with your superiors about your lifestyle and circumstances and assure them that while you are able to work efficiently and effectively you cannot always be available and you would like to work out a mutually beneficial arrangement if that does not work out you may conclude that this particular job is not for you because of its intrusion into your lifestyle most of us struggle however not with what the company expects but with our own inability to pull away from work and not answer every call and e-mail right away our anxiety about being disconnected may have more to do with our addiction to technology and a sense of indispensability than company expectations rod wilson is president of regent college in vancouver where he also serves as professor of counselling and psychology we are very careful about the video games my 12-year-old son plays at home i just found out he is playing a lot of games at friends houses and some of them are not appropriate how do i control what he plays without losing his friends one of the problems with having a 12year-old is that he is young enough to be told what to do and when but old enough to decide on his own what to do and when many parents who have children this age are stressed worried and frustrated the move from dependence others tell you what to do to independence doing what you want to do as a reaction against others through to interdependence working in concert with others to determine what you believe is the right thing to do is a painful process wise parents know the journey to interdependence requires them to provide parameters guidance counsel and boundaries so their child learns to make decisions not because he has been told to but because he believes it is right it is appropriate for us to prevent our children from engaging in certain behaviours that we believe are not in their best interest physically morally and spiritually in doing so we also need to explain the why teaching abstention from anything compels us to provide the rationale what is wrong with this particular video game what are you concerned about why are you establishing rules of this sort it will also help to explain what your child might say to a friend who suggests a particular game one hopes that over time children will modify their behaviour as a result of our influence more importantly we also trust that their convictions and attitudes will deepen and become rooted in a godly character so they make appropriate choices as our children move in this direction we need to be understanding patient and forgiving my 21-year-old spends all his time working or playing video games he needs a life i feel like kicking him out to wake him up but my wife won t hear it you can take some reassurance from the fact that at least your son works many parents find themselves in a situation where their 21-year-old plays video games all the time and does not have a life those who have not grown up in the video generation can easily forget that we had comparable activities when we were younger so while there is a part of me that loves waxing eloquent on why more young people are not outside playing road hockey and baseball the fact is that screens have replaced nets and a mouse has been substituted for a baseball bat many 21-year-olds remain at home because they have no job no money and no prospects of either this creates tension for parents as they are torn between care for someone who has nothing and a hope that their child will have some initiative and move on with his life the fact your son is working is a good sign encourage that aspect rather than criticize his gaming the term a life is an interesting one what is a life for you for your wife for your son often we do not take the time to sit down with someone to find out what is important to them what they want to pursue and to help determine whether the absence of interest in life reflects inability confusion unwillingness or bad attitudes or habits maybe your son is tired of playing video games and wishes someone would coach him toward other interests and support him in them kicking anyone out of our home usually says more about the attitude of the kicker than the actions of the one being kicked while many of us have family members who need to learn consequences for their behaviour they also need clear communication offered in a loving and caring way your son may need to leave but with both his feet on the sidewalk seven ­ issue thirteen july­august 2010 page 6

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seven have visit magazine sent to your home www.promisekeepers.ca to receive the next issue.

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pulse curiousities personalities ideas information by robert white pulse editor how much influence do fathers have over sons the controversial nike ad featuring tiger woods and his late father sparked www.newmanmag.com editor chris glazier to reflect on the relationship between fathers and sons the ad began airing just before the masters tournament in april when woods returned to golf following a much publicized moral downfall the television commercial features a grainy black-andwhite close-up shot of a sombre tiger while the voice of earl woods questions him i want to find out what your thinking was i want to find out what your feelings are and did you learn anything glazier writes what i find interesting about the story isn t as much the content of the ad as the sheer magnitude of public reaction it s garnering clearly it s striking a chord with people why the questions being asked of tiger are ones he already has answered in interviews with reporters what s different this time it s different because his dad is the one asking the questions the relationship between fathers and sons is a very personal one to men you don t often see it talked about publicly and when it is it often arouses deep emotions it s why every guy cries at the end of field of dreams and it s why people are so caught up on this 30-second advertisement the story of earl woods influence over his son s career is legendary probably the most touching moment of tiger s career was when he won the british open after his father s death in 2006 and broke into tears after the last putt a rare display of emotion from him he dedicated the victory to his father however also well known is that earl was divorced from tiger s mother and wasn t a faithful husband writes glazier given the firestorm of drama around tiger s own affairs the ad pastor promotes quest for clarity waterloo pastor darren ethier began his unfolding neurons blog unfoldingneurons.com as a place where i can unload my brain now four years after stepping into the blogosphere ethier s space opens the door for readers to consider what jesus may mean for their life the father of four and assistant pastor at waterloo pentecostal assembly has been using new technologies in ministry for about a decade while he was a pastor at hanover pentecostal church ethier posted his sermons online but was always looking for a better use of technology after coming across a weblog tool called wordpress ethier discovered the world of blogging i thought i d enjoy blogging rather than just posting sermons he says the unfolding neurons blog came from a desire to post things i d never found time to write before it s a place where i can unfold the stuff folded up in my brain says ethier the tag line is `the quest for clarity and i look at the whole idea of clarity in all aspects of life the blog is still evolving but gets about 150 unique hits a day ethier says blogging itself is easy and encourages churches to get involved there are so many tools out there you don t need to know any coding or worry about the mechanics behind it you can just write he has a few hints for those wanting to enter the blogosphere first ethier suggests you blog with passion and the best thing you can write about is your story you also need to decide if you ll host a closed or open blog where you allow readers to comment and create a conversation unfolding neurons is an open blog where ethier replies to comments but can remove those that are too negative finally ethier says to always be growing in terms of what you read and expose yourself to find some good writers and read them tiger and earl woods seven ­ issue thirteen july­august 2010 page 8

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seems to bring up the question of how much earl had to do with his son s infidelities did he display habits that led to his son s problems would he have been able to steer tiger in a better direction if he were still alive glazier closes his column with this warning if you re a dad it s a stark reminder of how much influence you have on your son s life and how important it is to raise him to love god if you are a son it s a call to live a life your father would be proud of canadian heading up lausanne congress it team the lausanne congress has always been on the cutting edge starting in 1974 when billy graham gathered 2,700 people from 150 nations in the swiss alps for 10 days of discussion fellowship worship and prayer this year s cape town congress from october 16 to 25 will keep the legacy alive by using technology to connect the 4,500 delegates in south africa with each other and the rest of the world in charge of this task is 25-year it veteran dan sinclair the toronto resident is a principal with psymetrics global a leader in helping the travel industry learn how to use the internet effectively for the past two years sinclair has · developed an online delegate nomination/registration system · created a global conversation http conversation.lausanne.org portal where delegates can read and respond to issue papers before during and after the congress · created a global town square http www.lausanne.org/cape-town-2010/globalink.html for colleges bible schools seminaries churches or small groups to date 300 centres have signed up to watch the conference live or download portions and hold their own discussions about the issues · connected with london england s iml audience response systems to create an instant feedback system for congress organizers this is the first time lausanne has been held in the era of internet technology says sinclair whose plan was to have all the software completed by mid-may it s overwhelming but one of sinclair s major challenges has already been solved access to inexpensive internet bandwidth the cost of bandwidth in south africa is horrendously expensive he says an initial budget of $250,000 proved severely inadequate when the first quote came in at $1.8 million it was more than our whole it budget there was a lot of prayer and we engaged some experts and started to get the price down with some innovative thinking and then a change to south africa s telecom regulations and new fibre optic cable brought in for this summer s south africa-hosted world cup brought the price down even further it was purely an act of god we got everything for $100,000 it was truly a miracle as far as we can see says sinclair www.lausanne.org www.capetown2010.com cell phones and laptops blessed a british priest updated an ages-old back-to-work ceremony by asking city workers in london s financial district to bring in their cell phones and laptops for a blessing in england the first monday after epiphany this year it was january 6 is known as plow monday in the service dating back to 1378 english villagers dragged a symbolic farming tool to the church s door for a blessing women also brought their distaffs the sticks which held the wool or flax they spun by hand with spinning wheels parish priest david parrott says the ceremony didn t really apply to his church which in the middle of the city was nowhere canon david platt blessing mobile phones and old laptops seven ­ issue thirteen july­august 2010 page 9

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pulse near a field instead he offered to bless a pile of high-tech laptops and smart phones on the altar of london s 17th-century st lawrence jewry church parishioners also took out their mobiles while the priest recited a blessing over them it s the technology that s our daily working tool and it s a technology we should bless says parrott st lawrence jewry is the official church of the corporation of the city of london which runs the capital s financial district the priest hoped the ceremony made worship lively and relevant to the workers www.anglicanplanet.net understanding teens every 20 years a shift takes place since the second world war we ve witnessed the arrival of baby boomers 1945-65 gen x 1965-85 and millennials 1985-2005 defining dates aren t exact with transitional generations that combine some of the thinking and values of the generation before and after canadians born in 1985 and later seem to be a more diverse group than previous generations so how does their view of life and way of doing things differ university of lethbridge sociologist reginald bibby s most recent study the emerging millennials how canada s newest generation is responding to change and choice based on thousands of interviews offers an authoritative snapshot project teen canada 2008 the latest study shows teens continue to value honesty politeness and concern for others while friends and music remain very significant for teens a couple of things have changed over the past decade there s been a big jump in the proportion who say they have four or more close friends with interracial friendships more common now because of multiculturalism because of a focus on relationships and music five per cent fewer 40 per cent are keeping up with the news than a decade ago in june 2009 project teen canada told the country there was a major decline in teenage interest in the national hockey league over the past two decades surveys show since about 1990 teenage interest in the nhl dropped from 45 per cent to 35 per cent the teenage decline in interest extends to all other major sports as well young people s entertainment choices have exploded we re witnessing what some social trends observers refer to as the death of the monoculture the result is the fragmentation of every kind of market this has led to decreasing market shares whether in fashion electronics tv viewing music reading or pro sports the options extend to lifestyle resulting in diverse choices when it comes to family life education religion and morality the monocultural casualties among young people include drinking smoking and sex even vices have to compete for teenagers attention to get a copy of ten things we all need to know about today s teens a 64-page booklet summing up the emerging millennials along with other bibby writings check www.projectcanadabooks.com/thelatestbooks.html www.canadianchristianity.com internet use trumps tv watching more people now use the internet than watch tv reports the inter@ctive reid report an ipsos reid study that tracks online canadians usage of the internet overall canadians now spend more than 18 hours a week online compared to 16.9 hours watching tv both internet use and tv watching are up from last year s figures of 14.9 hours and 15.8 hours respectively interestingly men spend more time online than women 20 hours compared to 16 also interesting is the small gap between age groups on average 18 to 34-year-olds spend 20 hours a week online compared to 18 hours for those over the age of 35 television on the other hand is different canadians aged 55plus are more likely to watch more tv each week 20 hours compared to 15 hours for 35 to 54-year-olds and 13 hours for 18 to 34-year-olds and those with university educations watch less tv each week 15 hours compared to about 17.5 hours for those without university educations our look shows canadians consume more and more content online than they previously watched on television or content they simply didn t have access to says study author mark laver not only has the recession likely acted as a disrupting factor but the seven ­ issue thirteen july­august 2010 page 10

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internet is poised to take the next step in our lives as it delivers more and more entertainment content to canadians in their homes and on the go privacy issues spark teen sibling fights ever heard these words come from your teenaged kids get out of my room you took my jacket these are my friends go away chances are if you have the one yelling is around 12 or 13 years old and the one being yelled at is a couple of years younger and social scientists now explain why the argument has reached the decibel level of a jet taking off the older one is just heading into the teen years just asking for more autonomy explains nicole campione-barr assistant professor of psychological sciences at the university of missouri they re leaving behind childish ways and they often see the younger sibling holding them back campione-barr recently co-authored a study found in the journal child development which explains the reason behind these not-so-harmless tiffs teens react against what they see as privacy infringements no matter who is the intruder a brother or sister intruding on a teen s personal space leads to the most frequent conflict between adolescent siblings and the most likely to have a negative impact on their trust and communication as we get older our personal domain gets bigger explains campione-barr it s important in sibling relationships the personal things they don t want to share pieces of themselves they don t want to give up to help keep the peace she tells parents to be aware of a teen s autonomy kids are always being told to share with a brother or sister and to let them tag along that can seem highly invasive to the older sibling the study didn t find much difference between siblings of the same sex and brother-sister pairs we may have needed more siblings to detect that she says however it did find sisters seemed to do the best in terms of trust and communication campione-barr plans a follow-up study looking at how the conflicts change over time and impact individual adjustment www.parentcentral.ca male male studies isn t to look at a few men who are ceos and have a tremendous amount of money i m talking about what australians call a bloke today s five-and six-year-old boys into their 20s just don t know who they re supposed to be the stats stagger in the latest recession 82 per cent of those who lost jobs in the united states were men boys and young men are four times more likely to commit suicide than girls and young women boys are far more likely to be diagnosed with adhd and put on ritalin in the united states women outlive men by an average of seven years in eastern europe the gap is 15 years at universities in the united states and canada women make up about 60 per cent of the student population men only 40 per cent a dramatic reversal from the early days of feminism amid this growing divide between the sexes 90 per cent of the academic resources for gender studies are devoted to women says professor edward stephens chairman of the newly launched foundation for male studies stephens aims to raise us$2-million or more to endow a chair for the discipline at a major university in its infancy the proposed field of study already attracted some dissention from men specifically from professors in men s studies an academic subfield that started in the 1980s as male studies about more than rich and powerful worried about the declining state of today s male a group of scholars gathered at new york state s wagner college for a miniconference to tackle the problem those at the conference along with online participants from five continents hope to set up a first for modern man a male studies program they hope to offer degrees in the new academic discipline at a major research university in the next couple of years while not exactly an endangered species men are in danger of becoming an underclass the panel warned it s just now beginning to surface in the job market in academe and in the offices of counsellors and psychologists says wagner professor miles groth who specializes in the psychology of being seven ­ issue thirteen july­august 2010 page 11

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part of women s and gender studies programs women s studies programs got their start in the late 1960s part of the second wave of feminist activism but they ve been on the wane in the past several years some programs such as the one at the university of guelph have shut down altogether many others have changed their names to add more inclusive words such as gender sexuality and social justice in the meantime the foundation will put together a marketing plan and hold its first major conference in early october at the new york academy of medicine the group will introduce male studies an interdisciplinary journal next year www.nationalpost.com redeemer volleyballer named athlete of year how did redeemer university college s ryan talsma top a year in which he was named the ontario colleges athletic association volleyball player of the year by being named the ocaa s 2009-10 male athlete of the year a fourth-year redeemer royals volleyballer talsma finished his post-secondary athletic career as a three-time all-canadian the ocaa leader in kills and total points and one of the most nationally-recognized ocaa volleyball players of all time dave mantel athletic director of the ancaster school describes talsma as a beautiful person with an amazingly humble and mature character his workmanlike attitude without showy celebrations helped set a tone for the team in every game and in every moment talsma always showed sincere appreciation for his teammates efforts rarely missing a chance to share the team s successes he truly appreciates everyone around him showing a level of respect for others and the game of volleyball itself talsma is the second redeemer athlete selected as an ocaa athlete of the year in 2000-01 anita kralt was honoured for her accomplishments in both soccer and basketball ryan talsma finished his post-secondary athletic career as one of the most nationally-recognized ocaa volleyball players seven ­ issue thirteen july­august 2010 page 12

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reviews simplicity plans freedom plan b what to do when god doesn t show up the way you thought he would by pete wilson shattered dreams happen to everyone insists pete wilson a relatively young pastor who has discovered that life is full of inexplicable circumstances and that no one is ever fully in control of his own bad stuff happens to good people dark times come sorrows abound the bottom line of wilson s message is to trust god anyhow extracting lessons from biblical characters plan b dissects the varied human responses to bleak situations and discerns that god works in mysterious ways his wonders to perform we are called to be faithful to god even when it seems he hasn t been faithful to us we are called to love him even when we feel abandoned we are called to look for him even in the midst of darkness we are called to worship him even through our tears and spiritual that clutter our modern lives are a serious threat to our communion with the father and our relationships with our family her half of the book focuses on practical and spiritual simplicity chuck s half discusses how to simply life by overcoming anxiety simplification is not about making life easier he writes it s about clearing away the cobwebs that obscure our vision it s about being free from the distractions that keep us from truly knowing and fellowshipping with our families our friends and our god trafficking and redemption while in pakistan radley engineers some daring rescues and confronts the demons of his childhood this is wright s second suspense novel featuring radley the first the lightning file earned two christian writing awards from the world guild in 2007 flickering pixels by shane hipps technology is not neutral the basic premise of flickering pixels is that technology changes the way we understand ourselves who god is and how christians relate to other believers hipps begins with a brief look at marshall mcluhan s revolutionary idea the medium is the message expanding the concept beyond its secular application and offering a fresh look at how new technologies impact faith he takes us on a journey through the effects of print radio tv and into the modern era of the internet the book is insightful and thought provoking while remaining accessible to a wide range of readers although brief in its treatment of some very complex ideas it is a great introduction to a new way of thinking technology is not neutral but with understanding and wisdom we can make better use of it and be aware of how it can end up using us captives of minara by eric e wright most men like a good adventure story but few expect to find one written by a canadian pastor and former cross-cultural missionary enter eric e wright who spent 16 years in pakistan in captives of minara he brings the exotic country alive in a fast-paced tale of a canadian reporter josh radley who lands in the midst of intrigue archeology is rarely this exciting the story centres on kidnapping and human the rewards of simplicity a practical and spiritual approach by pam and chuck d pierce why clutter the world with another book on simplification because our lives are more complicated than they need to be and this is causing all kinds of problems in today s fast-paced and technologydriven times christians feel stressed out and overly busy many are left longing for simpler days unaware that these days are within their grasp according to pam pierce the complications both physical seven ­ issue thirteen july­august 2010 page 13

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features world of warcraft widows left wanting online gamers are apt to forget their lives outside the realm by mags storey online gaming is a multi-billion dollar industry and growing an estimated 220 million people around the world regularly tap in through their computer consoles to slay mythical villains and save towards the virtual castle of their dreams but why do so many men find it easy to get lost inside virtual worlds and how do you know when it s time to pull the plug by age 27 jay name has been changed says he was working two full-time jobs by day he was a friendly and slightly introverted technology teacher but when he got back home and settled down in front of the computer screen he transformed into a paladin imbued with the magical ability to heal his fellow guildsmen in the heat of battle online gaming is the information age s answer to escapism jay says except on a grander scale than books radio or television could have ever fathomed he explains that massive multiplayer online games mmo like world of warcraft wow are a microcosm of real world society with roles the player needs to fulfill when you live in a culture like ours that lionizes people for a strong work ethic it s easy to see how being able to do two fulltime jobs can become a mark of honour he adds even if your second `job is throwing fireballs up the rear of an ogre but since getting engaged jay has realized the love of his life is not enamoured with his game playing she doesn t understand the appeal he says but there s never been an instance of `i d love to honey but i have to plumb the blackfathom deeps for loot and glory tonight adult entertainment while computer gaming often starts out as child s play a growing number of adults are taking the pastime with them into adulthood a recent report from the american center for disease control found that the average online gamer is now 35 years old most have been playing since they were in their late teens or early 20s the majority of online games are designed for adults and they are designed to be addictive says wendy kays author of the book game widow within days of marrying her gamedeveloper husband kays says she felt abandoned by his constant online gaming wanting to understand her husband s alternative world she started skulking seven ­ issue thirteen july­august 2010 page 14

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game widow author wendy kays around video game conferences sitting in on panels and eavesdropping on conversations in the hallway i basically just wandered around undercover and wrote copious notes she says then i applied it to what i had learned at church of how to show respect and gentleness to someone while sorting out a problem she says there are six things which game producers call the glue that keep people playing mmos you have a unique persona she says and create a character to represent yourself exactly as you want there s a sense of achievement with goals that become harder to reach as the game progresses there s how deeply one can get immersed in a game and how dynamic the game is then there s ownership which basically means all the stuff you can collect like horses or piles of gold or pies you can have all this `stuff you d never have in real life [gamers don t want to just walk away and drop it and finally relationships you are with other people online in real time so people make friendships have flirtations and even cheat with people online you feel like you need to show up because there are people waiting for you online getting hooked for nat a doctorate student it was the relationships he developed through wow which kept him playing several hours a day you need large numbers of people to band together to take on more difficult dungeons he says and you have to coordinate your schedules in advance it s like a team sport only instead of trying to throw balls in a hoop the challenge is to kill a gigantic dragon before she incinerates you and your friends nat says that what non-gamers don t often realize is the sense of loyalty and camaraderie that develops in online guilds everyone will depend on you to be there that night nat says if you re not there they will all suffer so let s say a friend calls me up to see if i wanted to do something else if i say yes i m letting 24 other people down also after each raid only a small percentage of people will get loot so you owe it to those who helped you get your cool shiny sword of awesomeness get their own sparkly wand of butt-kicking while nat cut back on gaming due to school pressures he says leaving was hard i was effectively saying goodbye to people i would never see again people with whom i d shared a common experience kays says the danger comes when people pour all their time and energy into sustaining this virtual world instead of the people around them because online you re only seeing the most interesting and glamorous sides to people she says and it s all hyped up by the emotions of the game when you re living on that high suddenly your own spouse and kids just don t seem that interesting anymore escaping real life when janice s fiancé lost his job they decided to postpone the marriage until he got a new one six months later no new job was in sight but an online gaming obsession was he gamed all day and into the night she says i d find empty pop cans and dishes all around his desk i had the dress the bridesmaids dresses the invitations the hall everything i often had the feeling like he was choosing the game over me he was basically a dry alcoholic for some online gaming can provide an unhealthy escape from very real-world problems it s partly about how these games are designed but also what we bring to the game says brad dorrance founder of the canadian chapter of on-line gamers anonymous olga some people just should not play online games a recovering obsessive gamer dorrance once played up to 80 hours a week for years he balanced gaming with a family and a career in social work but after losing his job he started playing up to 12 hours a day though my life was really out of control he says i was compensating with the power and control that i felt in the game in real life i m 5 5 and a little overweight but in that world i was tall and thin i wasn t unemployed i was powerful seven ­ issue thirteen july­august 2010 page 15

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