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siddhartha hesse hermann published 1922 categories fiction non-fiction philosophy religious source http www.gutenberg.org 1

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about hesse hermann hesse 2 july 1877 9 august 1962 was a german-swiss poet novelist and painter in 1946 he received the nobel prize in literature his best-known works include steppenwolf siddhartha and the glass bead game also known as magister ludi which explore an individual s search for spirituality outside society copyright this work was published before 1923 and is in the public domain in the usa only note this book is brought to you by feedbooks http www.feedbooks.com strictly for personal use do not use this file for commercial purposes 2

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part 1 3

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to romain rolland my dear friend 4

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the son of the brahman in the shade of the house in the sunshine of the riverbank near the boats in the shade of the sal-wood forest in the shade of the fig tree is where siddhartha grew up the handsome son of the brahman the young falcon together with his friend govinda son of a brahman the sun tanned his light shoulders by the banks of the river when bathing performing the sacred ablutions the sacred offerings in the mango grove shade poured into his black eyes when playing as a boy when his mother sang when the sacred offerings were made when his father the scholar taught him when the wise men talked for a long time siddhartha had been partaking in the discussions of the wise men practising debate with govinda practising with govinda the art of reflection the service of meditation he already knew how to speak the om silently the word of words to speak it silently into himself while inhaling to speak it silently out of himself while exhaling with all the concentration of his soul the forehead surrounded by the glow of the clear-thinking spirit he already knew to feel atman in the depths of his being indestructible one with the universe joy leapt in his father s heart for his son who was quick to learn thirsty for knowledge he saw him growing up to become great wise man and priest a prince among the brahmans bliss leapt in his mother s breast when she saw him when she saw him walking when she saw him sit down and get up siddhartha strong handsome he who was walking on slender legs greeting her with perfect respect love touched the hearts of the brahmans young daughters when siddhartha walked through the lanes of the town with the luminous forehead with the eye of a king with his slim hips but more than all the others he was loved by govinda his friend the son of a brahman he loved siddhartha s eye and sweet voice he loved his walk and the perfect decency of his movements he loved everything siddhartha did and said and what he loved most was his spirit his transcendent fiery thoughts his ardent will his high calling govinda knew he would not become a common brahman not a lazy official in charge of offerings not a greedy merchant with magic spells not a vain vacuous speaker not a mean deceitful priest and also not a decent stupid sheep in the herd of the many no and he govinda as well did not want to become one of those not one of those tens of thousands of brahmans he wanted to follow siddhartha the beloved the splendid and in days to 5

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come when siddhartha would become a god when he would join the glorious then govinda wanted to follow him as his friend his companion his servant his spear-carrier his shadow siddhartha was thus loved by everyone he was a source of joy for everybody he was a delight for them all but he siddhartha was not a source of joy for himself he found no delight in himself walking the rosy paths of the fig tree garden sitting in the bluish shade of the grove of contemplation washing his limbs daily in the bath of repentance sacrificing in the dim shade of the mango forest his gestures of perfect decency everyone s love and joy he still lacked all joy in his heart dreams and restless thoughts came into his mind flowing from the water of the river sparkling from the stars of the night melting from the beams of the sun dreams came to him and a restlessness of the soul fuming from the sacrifices breathing forth from the verses of the rig-veda being infused into him drop by drop from the teachings of the old brahmans siddhartha had started to nurse discontent in himself he had started to feel that the love of his father and the love of his mother and also the love of his friend govinda would not bring him joy for ever and ever would not nurse him feed him satisfy him he had started to suspect that his venerable father and his other teachers that the wise brahmans had already revealed to him the most and best of their wisdom that they had already filled his expecting vessel with their richness and the vessel was not full the spirit was not content the soul was not calm the heart was not satisfied the ablutions were good but they were water they did not wash off the sin they did not heal the spirit s thirst they did not relieve the fear in his heart the sacrifices and the invocation of the gods were excellent but was that all did the sacrifices give a happy fortune and what about the gods was it really prajapati who had created the world was it not the atman he the only one the singular one were the gods not creations created like me and you subject to time mortal was it therefore good was it right was it meaningful and the highest occupation to make offerings to the gods for whom else were offerings to be made who else was to be worshipped but him the only one the atman and where was atman to be found where did he reside where did his eternal heart beat where else but in one s own self in its innermost part in its indestructible part which everyone had in himself but where where was this self this innermost part this ultimate part it was not flesh and bone it was neither thought nor consciousness thus the wisest ones taught so where where was it to reach this place the self 6

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myself the atman there was another way which was worthwhile looking for alas and nobody showed this way nobody knew it not the father and not the teachers and wise men not the holy sacrificial songs they knew everything the brahmans and their holy books they knew everything they had taken care of everything and of more than everything the creation of the world the origin of speech of food of inhaling of exhaling the arrangement of the senses the acts of the gods they knew infinitely much but was it valuable to know all of this not knowing that one and only thing the most important thing the solely important thing surely many verses of the holy books particularly in the upanishades of samaveda spoke of this innermost and ultimate thing wonderful verses your soul is the whole world was written there and it was written that man in his sleep in his deep sleep would meet with his innermost part and would reside in the atman marvellous wisdom was in these verses all knowledge of the wisest ones had been collected here in magic words pure as honey collected by bees no not to be looked down upon was the tremendous amount of enlightenment which lay here collected and preserved by innumerable generations of wise brahmans but where were the brahmans where the priests where the wise men or penitents who had succeeded in not just knowing this deepest of all knowledge but also to live it where was the knowledgeable one who wove his spell to bring his familiarity with the atman out of the sleep into the state of being awake into the life into every step of the way into word and deed siddhartha knew many venerable brahmans chiefly his father the pure one the scholar the most venerable one his father was to be admired quiet and noble were his manners pure his life wise his words delicate and noble thoughts lived behind its brow but even he who knew so much did he live in blissfulness did he have peace was he not also just a searching man a thirsty man did he not again and again have to drink from holy sources as a thirsty man from the offerings from the books from the disputes of the brahmans why did he the irreproachable one have to wash off sins every day strive for a cleansing every day over and over every day was not atman in him did not the pristine source spring from his heart it had to be found the pristine source in one s own self it had to be possessed everything else was searching was a detour was getting lost thus were siddhartha s thoughts this was his thirst this was his suffering 7

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often he spoke to himself from a chandogya-upanishad the words truly the name of the brahman is satyam verily he who knows such a thing will enter the heavenly world every day often it seemed near the heavenly world but never he had reached it completely never he had quenched the ultimate thirst and among all the wise and wisest men he knew and whose instructions he had received among all of them there was no one who had reached it completely the heavenly world who had quenched it completely the eternal thirst govinda siddhartha spoke to his friend govinda my dear come with me under the banyan tree let s practise meditation they went to the banyan tree they sat down siddhartha right here govinda twenty paces away while putting himself down ready to speak the om siddhartha repeated murmuring the verse om is the bow the arrow is soul the brahman is the arrow s target that one should incessantly hit after the usual time of the exercise in meditation had passed govinda rose the evening had come it was time to perform the evening s ablution he called siddhartha s name siddhartha did not answer siddhartha sat there lost in thought his eyes were rigidly focused towards a very distant target the tip of his tongue was protruding a little between the teeth he seemed not to breathe thus sat he wrapped up in contemplation thinking om his soul sent after the brahman as an arrow once samanas had travelled through siddhartha s town ascetics on a pilgrimage three skinny withered men neither old nor young with dusty and bloody shoulders almost naked scorched by the sun surrounded by loneliness strangers and enemies to the world strangers and lank jackals in the realm of humans behind them blew a hot scent of quiet passion of destructive service of merciless self-denial in the evening after the hour of contemplation siddhartha spoke to govinda early tomorrow morning my friend siddhartha will go to the samanas he will become a samana govinda turned pale when he heard these words and read the decision in the motionless face of his friend unstoppable like the arrow shot from the bow soon and with the first glance govinda realized now it is beginning now siddhartha is taking his own way now his fate is beginning to sprout and with his my own and he turned pale like a dry banana-skin o siddhartha he exclaimed will your father permit you to do that 8

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siddhartha looked over as if he was just waking up arrow-fast he read in govinda s soul read the fear read the submission o govinda he spoke quietly let s not waste words tomorrow at daybreak i will begin the life of the samanas speak no more of it siddhartha entered the chamber where his father was sitting on a mat of bast and stepped behind his father and remained standing there until his father felt that someone was standing behind him quoth the brahman is that you siddhartha then say what you came to say quoth siddhartha with your permission my father i came to tell you that it is my longing to leave your house tomorrow and go to the ascetics my desire is to become a samana may my father not oppose this the brahman fell silent and remained silent for so long that the stars in the small window wandered and changed their relative positions ere the silence was broken silent and motionless stood the son with his arms folded silent and motionless sat the father on the mat and the stars traced their paths in the sky then spoke the father not proper it is for a brahman to speak harsh and angry words but indignation is in my heart i wish not to hear this request for a second time from your mouth slowly the brahman rose siddhartha stood silently his arms folded what are you waiting for asked the father quoth siddhartha you know what indignant the father left the chamber indignant he went to his bed and lay down after an hour since no sleep had come over his eyes the brahman stood up paced to and fro and left the house through the small window of the chamber he looked back inside and there he saw siddhartha standing his arms folded not moving from his spot pale shimmered his bright robe with anxiety in his heart the father returned to his bed after another hour since no sleep had come over his eyes the brahman stood up again paced to and fro walked out of the house and saw that the moon had risen through the window of the chamber he looked back inside there stood siddhartha not moving from his spot his arms folded moonlight reflecting from his bare shins with worry in his heart the father went back to bed and he came back after an hour he came back after two hours looked through the small window saw siddhartha standing in the moon light by the light of the stars in the darkness and he came back hour after hour silently he looked into the chamber saw him standing in the same place filled his heart with anger filled his heart with unrest filled his heart with anguish filled it with sadness 9

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and in the night s last hour before the day began he returned stepped into the room saw the young man standing there who seemed tall and like a stranger to him siddhartha he spoke what are you waiting for you know what will you always stand that way and wait until it ll becomes morning noon and evening i will stand and wait you will become tired siddhartha i will become tired you will fall asleep siddhartha i will not fall asleep you will die siddhartha i will die and would you rather die than obey your father siddhartha has always obeyed his father so will you abandon your plan siddhartha will do what his father will tell him to do the first light of day shone into the room the brahman saw that siddhartha was trembling softly in his knees in siddhartha s face he saw no trembling his eyes were fixed on a distant spot then his father realized that even now siddhartha no longer dwelt with him in his home that he had already left him the father touched siddhartha s shoulder you will he spoke go into the forest and be a samana when you ll have found blissfulness in the forest then come back and teach me to be blissful if you ll find disappointment then return and let us once again make offerings to the gods together go now and kiss your mother tell her where you are going to but for me it is time to go to the river and to perform the first ablution he took his hand from the shoulder of his son and went outside siddhartha wavered to the side as he tried to walk he put his limbs back under control bowed to his father and went to his mother to do as his father had said as he slowly left on stiff legs in the first light of day the still quiet town a shadow rose near the last hut who had crouched there and joined the pilgrim govinda you have come said siddhartha and smiled i have come said govinda 10

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with the samanas in the evening of this day they caught up with the ascetics the skinny samanas and offered them their companionship and obedience they were accepted siddhartha gave his garments to a poor brahman in the street he wore nothing more than the loincloth and the earth-coloured unsown cloak he ate only once a day and never something cooked he fasted for fifteen days he fasted for twenty-eight days the flesh waned from his thighs and cheeks feverish dreams flickered from his enlarged eyes long nails grew slowly on his parched fingers and a dry shaggy beard grew on his chin his glance turned to icy when he encountered women his mouth twitched with contempt when he walked through a city of nicely dressed people he saw merchants trading princes hunting mourners wailing for their dead whores offering themselves physicians trying to help the sick priests determining the most suitable day for seeding lovers loving mothers nursing their children and all of this was not worthy of one look from his eye it all lied it all stank it all stank of lies it all pretended to be meaningful and joyful and beautiful and it all was just concealed putrefaction the world tasted bitter life was torture a goal stood before siddhartha a single goal to become empty empty of thirst empty of wishing empty of dreams empty of joy and sorrow dead to himself not to be a self any more to find tranquility with an emptied heard to be open to miracles in unselfish thoughts that was his goal once all of my self was overcome and had died once every desire and every urge was silent in the heart then the ultimate part of me had to awake the innermost of my being which is no longer my self the great secret silently siddhartha exposed himself to burning rays of the sun directly above glowing with pain glowing with thirst and stood there until he neither felt any pain nor thirst any more silently he stood there in the rainy season from his hair the water was dripping over freezing shoulders over freezing hips and legs and the penitent stood there until he could not feel the cold in his shoulders and legs any more until they were silent until they were quiet silently he cowered in the thorny bushes blood dripped from the burning skin from festering wounds dripped pus and siddhartha stayed rigidly stayed motionless until no blood flowed any more until nothing stung any more until nothing burned any more 11

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siddhartha sat upright and learned to breathe sparingly learned to get along with only few breathes learned to stop breathing he learned beginning with the breath to calm the beat of his heart leaned to reduce the beats of his heart until they were only a few and almost none instructed by the oldest if the samanas siddhartha practised self-denial practised meditation according to a new samana rules a heron flew over the bamboo forest and siddhartha accepted the heron into his soul flew over forest and mountains was a heron ate fish felt the pangs of a heron s hunger spoke the heron s croak died a heron s death a dead jackal was lying on the sandy bank and siddhartha s soul slipped inside the body was the dead jackal lay on the banks got bloated stank decayed was dismembered by hyaenas was skinned by vultures turned into a skeleton turned to dust was blown across the fields and siddhartha s soul returned had died had decayed was scattered as dust had tasted the gloomy intoxication of the cycle awaited in new thirst like a hunter in the gap where he could escape from the cycle where the end of the causes where an eternity without suffering began he killed his senses he killed his memory he slipped out of his self into thousands of other forms was an animal was carrion was stone was wood was water and awoke every time to find his old self again sun shone or moon was his self again turned round in the cycle felt thirst overcame the thirst felt new thirst siddhartha learned a lot when he was with the samanas many ways leading away from the self he learned to go he went the way of selfdenial by means of pain through voluntarily suffering and overcoming pain hunger thirst tiredness he went the way of self-denial by means of meditation through imagining the mind to be void of all conceptions these and other ways he learned to go a thousand times he left his self for hours and days he remained in the non-self but though the ways led away from the self their end nevertheless always led back to the self though siddhartha fled from the self a thousand times stayed in nothingness stayed in the animal in the stone the return was inevitable inescapable was the hour when he found himself back in the sunshine or in the moonlight in the shade or in the rain and was once again his self and siddhartha and again felt the agony of the cycle which had been forced upon him by his side lived govinda his shadow walked the same paths undertook the same efforts they rarely spoke to one another than the service and the exercises required occasionally the two of them went through the villages to beg for food for themselves and their teachers 12

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how do you think govinda siddhartha spoke one day while begging this way how do you think did we progress did we reach any goals govinda answered we have learned and we ll continue learning you ll be a great samana siddhartha quickly you ve learned every exercise often the old samanas have admired you one day you ll be a holy man oh siddhartha quoth siddhartha i can t help but feel that it is not like this my friend what i ve learned being among the samanas up to this day this oh govinda i could have learned more quickly and by simpler means in every tavern of that part of a town where the whorehouses are my friend among carters and gamblers i could have learned it quoth govinda siddhartha is putting me on how could you have learned meditation holding your breath insensitivity against hunger and pain there among these wretched people and siddhartha said quietly as if he was talking to himself what is meditation what is leaving one s body what is fasting what is holding one s breath it is fleeing from the self it is a short escape of the agony of being a self it is a short numbing of the senses against the pain and the pointlessness of life the same escape the same short numbing is what the driver of an ox-cart finds in the inn drinking a few bowls of rice-wine or fermented coconut-milk then he won t feel his self any more then he won t feel the pains of life any more then he finds a short numbing of the senses when he falls asleep over his bowl of rice-wine he ll find the same what siddhartha and govinda find when they escape their bodies through long exercises staying in the non-self this is how it is oh govinda quoth govinda you say so oh friend and yet you know that siddhartha is no driver of an ox-cart and a samana is no drunkard it s true that a drinker numbs his senses it s true that he briefly escapes and rests but he ll return from the delusion finds everything to be unchanged has not become wiser has gathered no enlightenment has not risen several steps and siddhartha spoke with a smile i do not know i ve never been a drunkard but that i siddhartha find only a short numbing of the senses in my exercises and meditations and that i am just as far removed from wisdom from salvation as a child in the mother s womb this i know oh govinda this i know and once again another time when siddhartha left the forest together with govinda to beg for some food in the village for their brothers and 13

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teachers siddhartha began to speak and said what now oh govinda might we be on the right path might we get closer to enlightenment might we get closer to salvation or do we perhaps live in a circle we who have thought we were escaping the cycle quoth govinda we have learned a lot siddhartha there is still much to learn we are not going around in circles we are moving up the circle is a spiral we have already ascended many a level siddhartha answered how old would you think is our oldest samana our venerable teacher quoth govinda our oldest one might be about sixty years of age and siddhartha he has lived for sixty years and has not reached the nirvana he ll turn seventy and eighty and you and me we will grow just as old and will do our exercises and will fast and will meditate but we will not reach the nirvana he won t and we won t oh govinda i believe out of all the samanas out there perhaps not a single one not a single one will reach the nirvana we find comfort we find numbness we learn feats to deceive others but the most important thing the path of paths we will not find if you only spoke govinda wouldn t speak such terrible words siddhartha how could it be that among so many learned men among so many brahmans among so many austere and venerable samanas among so many who are searching so many who are eagerly trying so many holy men no one will find the path of paths but siddhartha said in a voice which contained just as much sadness as mockery with a quiet a slightly sad a slightly mocking voice soon govinda your friend will leave the path of the samanas he has walked along your side for so long i m suffering of thirst oh govinda and on this long path of a samana my thirst has remained as strong as ever i always thirsted for knowledge i have always been full of questions i have asked the brahmans year after year and i have asked the holy vedas year after year and i have asked the devote samanas year after year perhaps oh govinda it had been just as well had been just as smart and just as profitable if i had asked the hornbill-bird or the chimpanzee it took me a long time and am not finished learning this yet oh govinda that there is nothing to be learned there is indeed no such thing so i believe as what we refer to as `learning there is oh my friend just one knowledge this is everywhere this is atman this is within me and within you and within every creature and so i m starting to believe that this knowledge has no worser enemy than the desire to know it than learning 14

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at this govinda stopped on the path rose his hands and spoke if you siddhartha only would not bother your friend with this kind of talk truly you words stir up fear in my heart and just consider what would become of the sanctity of prayer what of the venerability of the brahmans caste what of the holiness of the samanas if it was as you say if there was no learning what oh siddhartha what would then become of all of this what is holy what is precious what is venerable on earth and govinda mumbled a verse to himself a verse from an upanishad he who ponderingly of a purified spirit loses himself in the meditation of atman unexpressable by words is his blissfulness of his heart but siddhartha remained silent he thought about the words which govinda had said to him and thought the words through to their end yes he thought standing there with his head low what would remain of all that which seemed to us to be holy what remains what can stand the test and he shook his head at one time when the two young men had lived among the samanas for about three years and had shared their exercises some news a rumour a myth reached them after being retold many times a man had appeared gotama by name the exalted one the buddha he had overcome the suffering of the world in himself and had halted the cycle of rebirths he was said to wander through the land teaching surrounded by disciples without possession without home without a wife in the yellow cloak of an ascetic but with a cheerful brow a man of bliss and brahmans and princes would bow down before him and would become his students this myth this rumour this legend resounded its fragrants rose up here and there in the towns the brahmans spoke of it and in the forest the samanas again and again the name of gotama the buddha reached the ears of the young men with good and with bad talk with praise and with defamation it was as if the plague had broken out in a country and news had been spreading around that in one or another place there was a man a wise man a knowledgeable one whose word and breath was enough to heal everyone who had been infected with the pestilence and as such news would go through the land and everyone would talk about it many would believe many would doubt but many would get on their way as soon as possible to seek the wise man the helper just like this this myth ran through the land that fragrant myth of gotama the buddha the wise man of the family of sakya he possessed so the believers said the 15

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