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the rant t he c omplete c ollection mike s weekly rant vol 1 september 26 2009 that s right everyone i m starting my own personal weekly rant every saturday on facebook i ll try to keep things interesting but i m warning you that s not very easy to do about midway through the week i got a new girlfriend i gotta say i m very happy about that i love her very much she is the love of my life here s where it gets ugly though that soul sucking stoner fucking goodfor-nothing ex of mine wants to make things complicated for me go figure i can deal with being called an asshole or a retard or almost anything else you can dish out as long as it isn t about my mother but i cannot deal with that fucking skank when she confronts my girlfriend she never did anything wrong this just goes to show you that leah wittner and the two other skanks she hangs out with cannot be trusted and should have their asses kicked all anger aside i m making great progress in my bi-monthly therapy sessions they can t determine if i have depression or not but i think they re close they have narrowed the source of my anguish down to two separate people it s either leah wittner not surprising or my own brother hey it was bound to be one of them this concludes mike s weekly rant for september 26 2009[close]
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mike s weekly rant vol 2 october 5 2009 this one is a little late stupid me got caught up in a tragic love story i m expecting to continue therapy on wednesday not that anyone cares or anything the last week i was in a relationship with one of the nicest girls i ve ever known she cared for me worried about me and was everything i could ask for now i have a major beef with religion particularly mormon watchdogs i have been pretty lax when it comes to religion it has never really bothered me that some people believe in a big guy in the sky all i ask is that you leave my personal beliefs the fuck alone take one person that will never remain nameless rachel thompson she is a huge mormon watchdog if you are a member of the mormon church you cannot do anything against that religion while she is around she s a rat and a terrible person to make things short i got dumped on my ass because me and maria were too similar we were always angry at the same time sad at the same time and we always felt guilty about the same things that and i could never be revealed to her family because i m not a mormon it particularly made things difficult in the transportation department all of this confusion ultimately led to the end of things things were way too complicated and people wonder why i m in therapy.[close]
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mike s weekly rant vol 2.5 october 7 2009 i know what you re thinking mike s weekly rant is supposed to be a weekly deal well i m bored so cram it so i went to my bi-monthly therapy session today for you dumbasses bi-monthly means twice a month and not to my surprise i was diagnosed with dysthymia that means a lighter form of chronic depression they even gave me a booklet called dwd dealing with depression it s a 60 page booklet explaining what to do in a depressing situation it basically explains a whole bunch of crap that is already common logic anyways everybody already knows that i m not a good person i try to be but then the girls look at my face and run away nobody wants an idiot with a pessimistic outlook on life and a mental health disorder to boot so i m begging the masses for help to find me a girlfriend it s a desperate move so someone get the word out mike mceachern needs a gf this concludes mike s bi-weekly rant for october 7th 2009.[close]
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the rant vol 3 october 9 2009 as you can plainly see i ve removed the word weekly from the title of my rant this gives me the freedom to do a rant whenever i please instead of bottling up crap throughout the week as most of you know i live in the country right smack dab in the middle of everything halfway between edmonton and calgary five minutes from blackfalds ten minutes from lacombe and less than half an hour from red deer you d think that i would be happy here the truth is i m stuck here because i don t have a licence and the fact that i live in the middle of the country i m stuck in my own personal hell most friends aren t willing to travel out here and the ones that do have cars of their own you know who you are this also isn t helping my woman situation i actually beg for the weekend to be over so i can try and meet new people during the week that makes this four day weekend the ultimate hell for good ol mikey the only thing that is good about this place is that it s secluded if you re here with the right person it s paradise amazing views lots of trees and an empty house across the yard from mine it s very nice but like i said it s only nice if you re with the right person so my ex the skank the whore the slut leah whatever works started bitching to me that she was going to beat up my other ex maria here s the conversation skank imma beat your fucking greasy fuck buddy with a frying pan me why the fuck now skank you know the little skank thats a greasy fuck who is probably fucking you icky me what about her skank i m going to fucking beat her me why get to the fuckin point skank cuz shes a fucking whore needs to fucking leave me my friends alone me if anything you re the whore never text me again skank ha brycen my brother is that the noise you make when you re blowing yourself all up in your man business skank me that s right bitch don t know what to say to that[close]
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the rant vol 4 october 10 2009 as most of you know i m an extreme pessimist to you dumb shits that don t know what that means its a person with a bleak outlook on everything the opposite of this being an optimist my disorder is dictated by what i like to call a series of unfortuante events this means that dysthymia is caused by a constant stream of things that are very disappointing or very heartbreaking the one thing that really surprises me about this is that it has to be going on for two whole years before it can even be considered dysthymic disorder i bet you re wondering why i m explaining all this to you see i d like to have this opportunity to thank all of those that have fucked up my life somehow leah wittner thanks for being a retarded skank and a stupid stoner fucking slut and for making the last ten months of my life the livng hell rachel thompson thank you for trying to set up maria with a stupid mormon retard the whole time me and her were dating glad to know i wasn t good enough for your stupid fucking religion there are many other people but i simply don t have the time to name them all this concludes the rant for sat oct 10 /09.[close]
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the fuckin rant vol 5 october 11 2009 welcome to the fifth edition of the fuckin rant you may notice that i ve changed the title again today s topic is people s behavior and that relationship to religion so it seems i ve noticed a trend in people s behavior as we all know there are some very stupid people in the world most of them must live in the lacombe area there are also some very smart people in that general area too but i ve found a connection to people s behavior smart or stupid and religion or a lack thereof people seem to be more spiritually connected if they re lacking in the intellect department this means that these less smart people don t want to spend their time looking for true answers and that they believe some big guy in the sky did everthing i don t know about most of you but i believe that that is just plain stupid on the other side of things intellectual people tend to look at the more practical solutions like a giant explosion and the theory of evolution the idea that we came from monkeys can sound pretty preposterous at times but when you really think about it they re not that different from us i bet if you put a chimp in a room with my first ex the skank of all skanks the chimp would be more smart and my ex the bimbo would be throwing her own shit at people like ziggy while i m on the topic of shit-throwing bimbos i d like to take this opportunity to mention my retarded brother take that you shit throwing bitch lol this concludes the rant for sun oct 11 /09 ps anyone else watching animation domination tonight pps not to hock my crap or anything but check out my gift apps ferrari s and mercedes-benzs.[close]
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the fuckin rant vol 6 october 11 2009 the sixth installment of the fuckin rant is brought to you by cocacola this rants topic is about ex s that don t tell you why they left you two rants in one day i never thought that would ever happen that s what happens when you deal with as much crap as me lately i ve been having a conversation with my second ex about why she left me the thing is i can never get a simple straight answer i don t know about any of you but this really starting to piss me off people that dance around the subject of things always get to me i always had this problem with my first skank the man whore the reason i call her the man whore is because of a little comment my brother made once kelly where s leah me i don t know why kelly cause i m going to knife her in the boob me good luck finding her brycen kick her in the testicles that s her weak spot although i have many problems with my life my brother appears to have none some of the shit he says is fucking amazing there s nothing wrong with a flaming toaster i can t think of anything else at the moment but believe me he says some real funny shit back to business that man whore never gave me a straight answer when it came to anything then when it came to the end of things i found out she was sleeping around with a stoner because he had a bigger cock than me i believe that honesty is the key to everything it spares the person the feeling of being stabbed in the back believe me it s the worst feeling in the world this concludes the fucking rant for sun oct 11 /09.[close]
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the fuckin rant vol 7 october 12 2009 this volume of the fuckin rant is brought to you by dairyland milk couldn t think of anything else the rant topic today is music most of you may already know i m a very musical person music is the good stuff but like everyone i have certain tastes i believe that rock and metal are the kings of all music i can deal with modern country crap but if anyone starts playing older country may god have mercy on their soul i cannot stand a bunch of old people whining about their 1960 s problems then there s the rappers i don t think they even deserve to be called musicians most of them just put poetry to a retarded computergenerated beat the ones that actually use real instruments don t deserve it either because of the way they use their instruments one constant beat put to shitty slang lyrics is not music emo stuff is the next thing i don t understand seriously who wants to hear someone complain about cutting themselves eew i got blood on my emo hoody i don t have much to say at the moment but watch for an edit version later the concludes the fuckin rant for mon oct 12 /09 happy thanksgiving![close]
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the rant vol 8 october 14 2009 this edition of the rant is brought to you by the simpson s treehouse of horror #20 watch it this weekend only on fox this rant s topic is holy crap it s cold out there i hope i m not the only one that s noticing a definite change in the weather around here if that s the case i feel sorry for you only weeks after having record highs in the 20 s or maybe even the 30 s we re experiencing record lows like -20 for someone like me this means freezing what remains of my ass off each morning for ten minutes just because by bus driver won t get there on time another thing i ve noticed is that the battery life on all of my portable electronics has gotten shorter my ipod classic used to have 30 hours of battery life i think i ve lost about ten hours or so the same goes for my cell phone i used to have three bars of battery life all day now i look at it halfway through the evening and it says battery low like what the hell the cold doesn t do much for my joints either i know i sound old when i say this but the cold actually makes my back and knees hurt as usual it wouldn t be a rant without some relationship stuff if anyone is wondering why i hate maria wight it s simply because she told me she never actually loved me so she basically used me for sex sounds familiar doesn t it i m also starting a new segment once a week in my rant s it s going to be called the lucky fuck of the week so this rant s lucky fuck of the week is adam mcmuffin ketcheson this kid has it all wicked awesome iphone wicked awesome girlfriend i envy this kid so congratulations adam you get a free peanut butter and honey sandwich or something else not too sure yet this is a warning if any of you see me get all wide eyed and wobbly i m having a low blood sugar attack and need sugar immediately just a little tidbit of information this concludes the rant for wed oct 14 /09.[close]
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the rant vol 9 october 15 2009 this installment of the rant is brought to you by coca-cola the ultimate tool in self abuse this rant s topic is people that hate me for reasons i don t understand so as usual i got home today fired up the ol computer box and logged into facebook saw a bunch of stuff on my home page saw someone say hey look the fat man is talking to a piece of garlic bread and then all of a sudden my good buddy cole sends me a message usually i wouldn t be phased by anything he has to say this time however i was particularly saddened maddened and quite simply pissed off like the topic says i found out some people are pissed off at me for reasons i don t understand i ve been told it s because i make fun of some people coughs cole but it s all in good fun and the people i make fun of for other reasons practically deserve it for making my life the living hell as for being angry all the time it s because of the dicks that make my life hell that and the dumb greasy bimbos i ve been with and if i m not angry at them i m angry at myself for being stupid like usual comments and messages are always welcome actually gives me something to do for a change this has been the rant for thurs oct 15 /09.[close]
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the rant vol 10 october 16 2009 this rant is brought to you by pepsi the more sweet alternative to cutting yourself this rant s topic this is indeed a disturbing universe the rant is celebrating double digits and for that i want to use a quote from the simpson s halloween special v as my topic the quote in question is from the second sketch in the episode in which homer tries fixing a toaster and stumbles upon the secret of time travel after traveling back and forth through time multiple times homer enters a universe in which groundskeeper willie wants to help homer come back to his proper dimension this is abruptly brought to a halt when maggie the baby sticks an axe in groundskeeper willie s back and then proceeds to say this is indeed a disturbing universe in a very bassy voice how true this quote is i find it is disturbing when my dumbass brother runs out of the bathroom yelling fluffy fluffy fluffy fluffy boots while being chased by my dumbass friend this is not an unusual occurrence in my house i also find it disturbing how girls are more interested in complete idiots rather than going for the smart ones like frick i do not see the point why would a woman be interested by a dick with shit for brains like my brother all he does is sit around and say shit like the kittens are everywhere and yet they worship him then there s mike lee this one is funny as fuck especially with his sex facts thing on his ipod the things you learn oh wow i know i don t look amazing like every girl dreams of i know i don t have the best attitude towards things but i can t help any of those things and changing my attitude well good luck there is no way to change it believe me i ve tried it just reverts back that s what happens when you re on the borderline of chronic depression as usual i m always open to suggestions for dating and whatnot i m really losing it this has been the rant for fri oct 16 /09.[close]
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the rant vol 12 october 19 2009 this edition of the rant is brought to you by koodo mobile you ll love our expensive rates and poor service the topic for today s rant is dumbasses that piss me off as most of you already know i flipped on a retarded fat kid today this was a result of a stupidly depressing weekend a lack of money and a stupid fat kid to quote le chifre yes that s how you spell it from casino royale nothing sinister i assure you i have too many problems that stem from my one ex the skank 1 anyways said skank feels the need to make my life the living hell by going to her slutty friends and constantly making fun of me so i m putting the word out anyone that goes to leah and her skanky friends namely kylene and calls them a name i don t care what it is it just has to be funny gets a shiny can of coke or pepsi the catch is you either have to get it on video or i have to be there if it is reported to the administration i am not affiliated in any way shape or form i want you all to know i m very serious about this they re out there calling me a spaz a pussy and numerous other things this means war on a much happier note i must say i actually had fun at lunch for once today anyways i m busy watching junk raiders so i have to cut this one short this has been the rant for mon oct 19 /09 1 i can t actually say her real name due to a legally binding contract that states michael mceachern is hereby not allowed to state the name of said skank for reasons that piss ziggy off the consequences of speaking said skank s name include a punch to the face.[close]
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the rant vol 13 october 20 2009 this edition of the rant is brought to you by ncis ncis la ncis ny and ncis everywhere else the rant topic for today is redundancy as many of you know i have a short memory not short enough to make it seem like i have short term memory loss but short enough to be noticeable you wouldn t be surprised how much this affects a relationship believe me if you have a short memory and you ve been in a relationship you know how i feel when i was dating either one of my ex s even though i only dated one for like a week i found myself forgetting a lot of little details this is a common problem for me it usually takes one or more things to jog my memory the worst part of all this is that i only have trouble remembering big things like what a person has done in the last couple of days or what classes they have the small things however are very easy for me to remember things like spelling and grammar and naming the makes and models of all sorts of cars anyways it pisses people off when they have to say things over and over again hence today s topic redundancy but i will say another thing pissing people off is my specialty i have no idea how i do it most times and even then it s accidental i m making a formal advanced apology to anyone i happen to piss off in the process of my day to day routine if i m pissing you off chances are i m having a bad day to those of you that have friends that haven t added me on this infernal contraption called facebook please invite them to do so i would really appreciate it other than that print it off and show it to your friends this has been the rant for tues oct 20 /09.[close]
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